The Vow
by MegEvans1983
Summary: Set 3 years into the future. Sam and Andy are married, and have just gone through an unspeakable tragedy - will their marriage survive?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"You believe in signs Trace?" Andy asked her best friend, as they were standing in the sterile hospital room packing up Andy's belongings, while Sam was taking care of her release papers.

"What do you mean?" Tracy asked not sure what Andy was getting at – only thing Traci was sure of these days was that Sam and Andy had been through hell, and needed some relief.

"Maybe…maybe I'm not suited for this, and somehow fate intertwined." Andy tried to make sense of this senseless situation her and Sam was in.

"Andy listen to me…" Traci grabbed her best friend by the shoulders, and looked her directly in the eyes.

"…what happened to you and Sam was cruel, and no matter how much you try and make sense out of it you can't. It was an unspeakable tragedy, but it does in no way reflect on your capabilities as a mother you hear me?" Andy felt tears stream down her cheeks, but was so numb these days she couldn't even phantom raising her hand, and wiping them away.

"How can you be so sure?" Andy asked her voice hoarse evident of having spent countless hours mourning the loss of her and Sam's baby.

"Just look at you and Leo huh? You were there for his birth, for every single birthday/Christmas/summer grill parties. I could go on and on. And when Leo needed to learn how to skate – who taught him huh? You did McNally. Come here." Traci pulled her best friend into a hug, which prompted Andy to immediately clutch onto fistfuls of Traci's sweater – needing something to hold onto.

"Thank you Trace…" Andy hiccupped unable to hold the emotions back any longer, as Sam appeared in the doorway of the room witnessing the two best friends in a tight embrace. Traci locked eyes with Sam, and felt sorry for him. He looked like a wreck; running his fingers through his black hair before they came to rest under his stubbled chin.

"…you just deduct it from the tons of favors you've done for me over the years' girl…" Traci replied knowing full-well that neither she nor Leo would be where they were today if it hadn't been for Andy.

The ride home from the hospital had been quiet, too quiet. Andy had glanced over at Sam many times, but for the first time ever she'd been speechless. Did she feel guilty? Was it her fault? Did she blame him? Was it his fault? Or was Traci right? Was it really just an unspeakable tragedy where no one was to blame? The truck came to a full stop in front of their house. Sam shut off the engine and leaned against the seat with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry…" Andy's voice was barely a whisper, but Sam caught every word breaking his heart.

"…sorry? Baby you have nothing to be sorry about…" Sam replied turning around in his seat placing his hands on each side of Andy's face, and bringing it close to his own.

"…yes I do. If I hadn't been working that day, if I hadn't been working in booking then maybe…" Andy rambled on trying to find a reason for why it had happened – why they'd lost their baby refusing to look Sam in the eyes.

"…shh…" Sam shushed her kissing her on the forehead before angling her head so she looked him straight in the eyes.

"…Sam…" Andy whimpered, as tears made their way down her cheeks.

"…I don't care how many times I have to repeat this to you, but nothing that's happened these past couple of days has been your fault. It kills me to see you this way, and if I could take away this hurt I would. You are everything to me, and I love you so much." Sam continued as a single tear made its way down his cheek.

"I love you too…" Andy whispered, drying away the single tear with her right hand.

"…come on." Sam replied, as they got out of the truck, and made their way into their home; their quiet home.

"Mommy!" Leo squealed, as Traci entered the home she shared with Jerry and Leo.

"Hi sweetie…" Traci smiled squatting down, and gathering Leo in a hug as Jerry appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"…how is auntie Andy? I've made her a get-better card." Leo asked looking between his mom and Jerry noticing that something wasn't right.

"Baby…auntie Andy will love this!" Traci exclaimed putting on a brave face for her 9 year old.

"Buddy…why don't you head upstairs, and jump into bed? Then your mom will be right up to tuck you in. You have a big day tomorrow remember?" Jerry reminded the boy he considered to be his own even though biologically Dex was his father.

"Okay…" Leo replied heading upstairs, as Traci yelled after him.

"…I'll be right up baby…" Jerry helped Traci shrug out of her jacket before taking her into his arms.

"…how are they doing?" Jerry asked running his hands up and down his fiancées back.

"About as well as you could expect. God! And Andy is of course blaming herself, and Sam…God Jerry he's a wreck." Traci told her fiancé, as they walked into the living room holding hands before taking a seat on the couch.

"Collins better steer clear off Sammy for the rest of his life…" Jerry sighed in the back of his throat.

"Nick isn't to blame for this!" Traci exclaimed feeling protective of her fellow colleague.

"Hey, hey, hey. I'm not saying that either, but I know Sammy, and he'll need to blame someone. Right now he's focused on Andy, as he should be. But at some point he'll need somewhere to put all of his frustration." Jerry tried to explain.

"Nick was there in booking when it happened; yes. But that doesn't translate into it being his fault that it happened." Traci continued to support her friend and colleague.

"He should have had a better handle on the situation Trace…"

"…so what you're saying is that if the roles had been reversed, and if I'd been there instead of Nick it would've been my fault Sam and Andy lost their baby?" Traci exclaimed almost jumping off the couch in anger.

"No! Because you wouldn't have made that mistake." Jerry argued.

"You can't know that. Everybody can make a mistake – none of us are perfect Jerry. Not even you and Sam."

"Where is this coming from Trace? I don't want to fight all right? Let's just agree to table this conversation huh?" Jerry offered walking towards Traci.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so tired…" Traci tried unsuccessfully to suppress a yawn, as Jerry gathered her in his arms.

"…I love you, you know that right?" Jerry whispered into Traci's hair.

"I love you too." Traci smiled, as they could hear Leo yelling he was ready for his bedtime story. Jerry and Traci walked hand in hand upstairs to spend time with their son.

Sam hated feeling this way; useless. He had known the feeling since he'd been nine years old. Back then it had been his sister Sarah that had been hurting, and now it was Andy. Just like back then with Sarah he couldn't help Andy now. Something precious had been yanked out of their lives, and now they were left picking up the pieces of their shattered lives.

Andy stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror gathering her brown locks in a messy bun on the top of her head. She felt numb; completely and utterly numb. Why had it happened? Why had they lost their little one? Andy wondered, as she placed her hand on her now childless stomach. It had only been a week since Sam and her had been in bed fantasizing about the future they were about to embark on with their little one.

"_There are a couple of things you need to know about your mom and dad kiddo, first of all; your mom and I we're awesome, so by extension so are you…"_

"…_what are you doing?" Andy asked putting the book aside she was reading looking at Sam who had his head perched on her little bump talking to their little one._

"_Having a conversation with our little one is all…" Sam smiled back in full-dimple style, as Andy ran her fingers through his dark hair._

"…_oh really?" Andy asked raising her eyebrows._

"…_can't hurt readying him…" Sam started, but was cut off by his wife saying_

"…_or her…" Andy objected since it was still too early to know whether they were having a boy or a girl. _

"…_or her for their new life." Sam repeated with a smile before raising Andy's tank top a little to place a soft kiss on the bump._

"_Sam…" Andy whimpered, as Sam let his lips linger on Andy's tantalizing skin a moment too long before he moved up her body placing kisses as he went before their lips crashed together, while Sam supported his weight on his forearms careful not to crush his pregnant wife._

"…_I love you…" Sam whispered, as he gave her neck some attention, while Andy buried her fingers in his dark hair moaning_

"…_I love you too…" _

The spray of the shower brought Andy back to reality, as the water hit her body. Everything seemed to hit her at that moment. What they'd had, what they'd lost and how they were ever going to get back to who they were again. The tears started without any warning, and suddenly Andy's entire body was wracked with sobs, as she slid down the shower wall until she was sitting on the floor; her knees bent and her arms clutching them.

Sam had heard the shower running, but was growing worried when after a while it wasn't turned off like Andy usually would do when shampooing her hair. Sam walked to the bathroom door, and gently tapped on the door not wanting to encroach on Andy's space. But when he heard small sobs escaping the room he didn't hesitate rushing into the room. As soon as his eyes adjusted to the steam coming from the shower he could make out Andy's form from behind the shower doors.

"Sweetheart…" Sam's heart bled, as he saw the woman he loved more than life itself sitting on the floor of the shower; her hands covering her eyes trying to relinquish the sobs escaping her throat. Sam moved slowly into the shower turning off the water squatting down in front of Andy placing his hands on top of Andy's removing them from her eyes making her look him in the eyes.

"…Sam…" Andy whimpered, as Sam helped her to her feet holding her in his arms, as he reached out for a towel, and wrapping her in it.

"…shh…I've got you…" Sam whispered bending down, placing one arm underneath Andy's knees, and supporting her back with his other arm before walking into their bedroom holding the woman he loved in his arms.

An hour later Andy was curled up against Sam on the bed – a blanket covering them both from the waist down. Sam was drawing circles with his fingers up and down Andy's arm in soothing motions, as Andy snuggled closer in her sleep needing to find her solace, and Sam was exactly that.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – Angel**

The bedroom was completely darkened when Sam opened his eyes several hours later. He turned his head to find Andy's sleeping form next to him – her left arm draped across his chest. Sam took Andy's left hand in his before turning his head towards the only light in the room, which was radiating from the alarm clock on the bedside table, which illuminated the framed photograph next to it. There were 4 people in the photograph; Sam, Andy, Oliver and Traci. They all had their sides turned towards the camera; Sam had his arms wrapped securely around Andy's waist from behind – both of them wearing huge grins on their faces. Oliver stood next to Sam serving as the best man, while Traci stood next to Andy serving as her maid of honor.

Sam could still remember how enthralled he'd been, as Andy had walked towards him in the church. She'd been a vision wearing a white, strapless, layered gown embroidered with small rhinestones on the top, while the gown from the waist down was layered in 3 giving it a simplistic, yet gorgeous look. Andy had chosen to wear her hair up in a classic hairdo; the veil had been attached underneath the hairdo reaching Andy's waist. It had been a perfect day. Tommy had given his daughter away to the man she loved, Oliver had as only Oliver could pretended not to have had the rings until Sam had given him _the look _– which had prompted Oliver to utter the words "I've always got your back brother" before handing Andy's wedding band over to the groom. Sam and Andy had decided on simple wedding bands; silver rings – the only differences between the rings were that Sam's wedding band was wider than Andy's, and true to form Andy's wedding band had 3 small diamonds matching it up with Andy's engagement ring that was a silver ring with a square cut diamond. Those very rings were now in Sam's grasp, as he ran his thumb over Andy's ring finger in a soothing motion, as the heartbreaking moments of the past week ran through his mind.

_**Spend all your time waiting  
>For that second chance<br>For a break that would make it okay**_

"One last thing coppers of 15!" Frank Best exclaimed before ending the parade, while looking with a smile to where Sam and Andy were sitting.

"There's money in the budget for the new equalizers?" Noelle exclaimed having grown tired of the old squad cars her and her colleagues were driving around in.

"No." Frank smiled to his wife.

"Figures…" Noelle grumbled with a sigh.

"I hear congratulations are in order for Swarek and Swarek." Frank smiled at the nickname Sam and Andy had been given despite the fact that Andy still used her maiden name to avoid any confusion.

"Pray tell…" Oliver whistled looking to his best friend, who looked to Andy knowing she wanted to be the one to break the news to their friends and colleagues.

"We're gonna have a baby…" Andy beamed, as the entire room stood up and applauded, while Sam kissed Andy on the lips before Oliver pulled him into a hug clasping him on the back, and Traci and the rest of the rookies hugged Andy. Frank cleared his throat, as everyone's eyes came to rest on their staff sergeant.

"Due to this McNally will be on desk duty for the remainder of her pregnancy. So…protect, serve and congratulations." Frank smiled before hugging Andy, and shaking Sam's hand.

_**There's always some reason  
>To feel not good enough<br>And it's hard, at the end of the day  
><strong>_

"You happy?" Sam asked, as he and Andy stood in the gunroom, as he was gearing up for a shift riding with Dov.

"Oh I'm ecstatic…6 months on desk duty with no company, but Collins, who's on probation – it'll be terrific!" Andy sarcastically replied with a smile.

"Hey…I'm gonna be stuck in a squad car with Epstein for the day…" Sam smiled back; as he holstered the gun he'd just cleared before placing his hands on each side of Andy's face.

"…now this is the moment where you tell me how gorgeous, generous and completely awesome I am for doing this…" Andy grinned tucking her lower lip in-between her teeth.

"…you are that…awesome…" Sam huskily replied before capturing Andy's lips with his own. Andy wrapped her arms around his neck, as the kiss intensified, and Sam's arms wrapped themselves around her waist bringing her torso towards his closing the space between them.

"…yo Swarek!" Dov Epstein exclaimed from the doorway of the gunroom forcing Sam and Andy to disentangle their lips with a heavy sigh.

"Yo?" Andy questioned Dov' sudden change in lingo.

"I'll be right there Epstein!" Sam shot back not having released his grip on Andy yet.

"All righty…" Dov sang, as he strolled out to the squad car.

"He'll be the death of me…" Sam rolled his eyes eliciting a giggle from Andy.

"…hey…be safe." Andy replied, as Sam turned for the doorway.

"You too…both of you…" Sam blinked at Andy before heading in Epstein's direction.

_**I need some distraction  
>Oh, beautiful release<br>Memories seep from my veins**_

"I'm really happy for you guys by the way." Collins replied, as he and Andy were working together in the booking area.

"Thanks…" Andy replied surprised that Collins even cared about the news. He'd been anything but nice ever since he had been put on probation for conduct unbecoming for an officer.

"Oh great! Dumb and dumber!" Eric Wiest scoffed, as he was escorted into the barn to be booked, and found Collins and McNally behind the desk.

"Watch it!" Oliver slapped Wiest on the head.

"Name?" Collins barked at the detainee, as Nash was gathering his personal effects into an evidence bag.

"Hugh Hefner!" Wiest barked back.

"This delightful creature is one Eric Wiest, 35 years of age and is being brought in on account of multiple complaints from patrons at the local dive down at Hampton Avenue." Oliver replied.

"The Notorious' Eric Wiest?" Collins questioned having recognized the name as being associated with one of Toronto's main motorcycle gangs.

"The one and only!" Traci exclaimed handing the evidence bag over to Andy.

"Shaw! Nash! You got a minute?" Best exclaimed from the doorway.

"We've got it!" Collins jumped at the chance to prove his worth, while still on probation.

"All right." Shaw nodded his head, as Collins took over holding Wiest, while Andy walked to the monitor situated next to the cage to open up the holding cell.

"You know…you're one fine looking lady…McNally. How about you join me in there?" Wiest rudely replied eyeing Andy's nametag.

"Watch it jerk!" Collins warned pushing him towards the cell unlocking the cuffs, as they went which would prove to be the biggest mistake he'd ever make.

_**Let me be empty  
>Oh, and weightless<br>And maybe I'll find some peace tonight  
><strong>_

"What the hell was that?" Oliver exclaimed, as they heard loud noises coming from the booking area and all three; Best, Nash and he ran for where they'd last left Collins, McNally and Wiest.

"Don't move a freakin' muscle!" Collins ordered Wiest, as he had one knee placed on top of Wiest's rear, while handcuffing him.

"ANDY!" Traci exclaimed running to her best friend, who was lying on her side clutching her stomach in pain.

"McNally!" Oliver exclaimed, as he joined Traci at Andy's side, while Frank assisted Collins in hauling Wiest off to the holding cells area.

"This was not my fault! You hear me copper? This was on you! You!" Wiest yelled at Collins, as he and Frank locked him into a holding cell before Frank turned angry eyes on his officer.

"What the hell happened Collins?" Frank exclaimed, as he turned his head to witness Oliver requesting 911 over his radio, and Traci trying to calm her best friend down.

"Sir…" Collins began his voice quivering.

"…don't speak! Get your ass into my office, and wait there!" Frank ordered, as he watched Collins give Andy an apologetic glance before rushing from the scene.

"Something's wrong Trace…it hurts so bad…" Andy cried, as the cramping's had worsened within the past 5 minutes.

"…I know sweetie, I know. Just try and breathe okay?" Traci rubbed Andy's back trying to give her some relief, but knew that nothing she would do could take away the pain. Not only the excruciating pain Andy was in now, but also the emotional pain that would undoubtedly come.

_**In the arms of the angel  
>Fly away from here<br>From this dark, cold hotel room  
>And the endlessness that you fear<br>You are pulled from the wreckage  
>Of your silent reverie<br>You're in the arms of the angel  
>May you find some comfort here<strong>_

"It's through here!" Oliver exclaimed, as he brought two paramedics through the halls of the barn before they reached the spot where Andy was lying.

"What do we have?" One of the paramedics asked, as the other began to attend to Andy, while Traci moved out of the way.

"Andy Swarek, 32 years old, pregnant, took a fall when assisting a colleague." Oliver replied looking worriedly at the woman he'd come to consider family over the past couple of years.

"How far along is she?" The paramedic asked looking at Traci.

"13 weeks." Traci replied, as she like Oliver watched, as the other paramedic began examining Andy.

"Have you gotten in touch with Sam yet?" Traci asked turning to Oliver.

"Crap! What the hell do I tell him?" Oliver exclaimed, as he took out his cell.

"Is that her husband?" One of the paramedics asked after having placed Andy on the gurney, who was clutching the pillow her head was resting on in a death grip, while the other was wrapped around her stomach as if that could prevent what was happening from happening.

"Yeah…" Oliver nodded his head, as he'd hit speed dial # 2 on his cell.

"…tell him to meet us at Memorial – we need to go now!" The paramedic exclaimed, as they rolled Andy out towards the ambulance.

"I'm going with!" Traci exclaimed owning her a nod from Frank before following the paramedics and Andy out, while Oliver got Sam on his cell.

"Brother…" Oliver started, but was cut off by Sam immediately.

"…where did we dig up Epstein huh? I mean the guy is a complete…"

"…Sam!" Oliver yelled into the cell.

"What's wrong? Is it…? Where is she?" Sam instantly knew something had happened, and his gut was telling him it wasn't something good. What had he always been telling Andy?

"_That feeling in your gut…you gotta learn to listen to it. It's telling you what you need to do. You gotta learn to trust it."_

"En route to Memorial. Nash is with her." Oliver replied before Sam ended the call knowing that for once he'd wish he didn't have to listen to his gut because what it was telling him was tearing him apart.

_**So tired of the straight line  
>And everywhere you turn<br>There's vultures and thieves at your back  
>The storm keeps on twisting<br>Keep on building the lies  
>That you make up for all that you lack<strong>_

"Where is she?" Sam asked, as he and Dov met Traci and Oliver in the waiting room of Memorial's Obstetricsdepartment.

"The OR." Oliver replied with a troubled look in his eyes.

"The OR?" Sam repeated Oliver's previous words with disdain in his voice.

"Sam I'm so sorry." Traci's misty eyes told the truth, as she wrapped Sam in a hug wishing she could take away the pain he was feeling.

"Mr. Swarek?" Everyone turned around at the sound of a new voice in their midst.

"Yeah!" Sam turned away from Traci and locked eyes with the doctor.

"I'm Dr. Kwan, and I've been tending to your wife." The doctor explained, as Sam crossed his arms readying himself for the inevitable news.

"How is she?" Sam asked, as Oliver, Traci and Dov walked closer to where Sam and Dr. Kwan were standing.

"She's hemorrhaged badly, but she's young, she's strong, and she should stabilize." Dr. Kwan explained tip-toeing around the subject of the baby even though Sam already knew in his heart that the baby he and Andy had been so enthralled with was gone.

"And the baby?" Sam asked the dreaded question knowing that he wouldn't believe it if he didn't hear it out of the doctor's mouth.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Swarek, but your wife has suffered a miscarriage. The trauma was too massive for the baby to survive. You have my deepest condolences." Dr. Kwan answered, as Sam walked away from him running his fingers through his hair before ending up in front of a wall carrying a poster of a mother holding a newborn baby – where the text read; _"it could happen to you."_

"But Andy will be okay?" Traci asked, as Oliver walked in Sam's direction.

"Yes she will. She's being brought up in couple of minutes. If you have any further questions please don't hesitate to ask the duty nurse." Dr. Kwan explained before walking away.

"Thank you doctor." Traci replied, as she could feel a hand grasping her shoulder, and turned her head to look at Dov's empathic face.

_**It don't make no difference  
>Escape one last time<br>It's easier to believe in this sweet madness  
>Oh, this glorious sadness<br>That brings me to my knees**_

"Why?" Sam almost whispered, but Oliver caught it nonetheless, as they were sitting in a couple of chairs outside Andy's room an hour later.

"Brother don't go there all right? You'll make yourself crazy trying to come up with reasons as to why this happened?" Oliver replied knowing exactly where his friend was headed with that comment; Guiltville.

"I know one of them…Collins!" Sam exclaimed pushing himself out of the chair, and walking to look at Andy through the window from the hallway. She looked so pale compared to the sterile environment she had been placed in. She was hooked up to several machines monitoring her breathing, heartbeat, blood pressure and oxygen level. The constant beeping from the monitors had driven Sam crazy so he'd ended up standing on the opposite side of the glass watching the woman he loved being slowly brought back to the life of the living. The only difference was that now she didn't have a tiny life inside of her; her once pregnant belly was empty, and he wondered if it'd ever be filled again with a tiny life.

"Collins should be the least of your worries right now. The only person you should concentrate on right now is the woman you love, and who'll need you more than ever in the coming months. You hear me?" Oliver replied standing next to Sam placing a hand on his shoulder making his friend look at him.

"Thanks brother!" Sam grabbed onto Oliver, as he pulled him into a tight hug clasping him on the back.

"Don't mention it." Oliver replied, as he watched Sam walk into the sterile room, grabbing a nearby chair before sitting down by Andy's bedside. Sam took a deep breath before placing his hands on top of Andy's which rested on her stomach that still bore signs that a baby had been there for some time.

"We're gonna be okay Andy, I swear to you. We'll get through this, and we'll try again. I'm not losing you now, not now." Sam promised placing Andy's right hand in the palm of his bringing it to his lips sealing his promise with a kiss before waiting for his purpose in life to wake up from her slumber.

_**In the arms of the angel  
>Fly away from here<br>From this dark, cold hotel room  
>And the endlessness that you fear<br>You are pulled from the wreckage  
>Of your silent reverie<br>You're in the arms of the angel  
>May you find some comfort here<br>**_

"Hey there sleepyhead…" Sam tilted his head sideways, as Andy's eyes fluttered open a couple of hours later.

"…hey…" Andy replied groggily getting acquainted with the bright room.

"…how you feeling?" Sam asked taking a seat on the edge of the bed holding Andy's hands in his readying himself for the terrifying truth he was about to tell her. He had to be the one to tell her. She was his wife, his responsibility, his life.

"Groggy…" Andy replied releasing a heavy sigh looking around the room they were in before attempting to sit up straight, but wincing instead before laying back down again.

"…easy…" Sam placed his hands on Andy's arms not wanting her to cause herself any more pain.

"…God…" Andy squeezed her eyes tight caught off guard by the sudden pain in her abdomen.

"…I'm getting a doctor for you." Sam replied, but was held back on the bed by Andy's sudden strong hold on his wrist.

"I'm fine, please Sam, don't leave me." Andy begged sitting straight up in bed despite the pain.

"I'm not going anywhere all right? I'm right here…" Sam replied kissing her on the forehead before helping Andy to lie back down.

"…tell me…" Andy requested, as Sam tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"…what do you mean?" Sam asked confused.

"I won't believe it unless I hear it from you. Please Sam." Andy begged tears running down her cheeks.

"Andy…" Sam's voice wobbled not being able to find the words he needed to find.

"…tell me! Tell me our baby's dead! Tell me!" Andy screamed punctuating each sentence with a strong pounce into Sam's chest using both her fisted hands. Sam wrapped his arms around Andy's back, and in a swift motion brought her into his embrace cradling her head in his hands, as Andy's hands grabbed fistful's of Sam's black shirt as he uttered the most heartbreaking words ever to cross his lips

"Our baby's gone."

_**You're in the arms of the angel  
>May you find some comfort here<strong>_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – Misunderstandings**

A week had passed, and nothing was as it should be. Sam and Andy weren't growing closer – they were growing apart. Andy had a follow-up appointment at Memorial that day, and they'd decided to go together. Andy had cried countless tears over the past week, and had let Sam comfort her, but whenever she urged him to talk about what he was feeling he closed off. As if his feelings didn't matter. Andy knew Sam better than most, and knew that if he didn't stop keeping everything locked inside, and letting it fester and fester – it would blow up.

"Sam…?" Andy reached her arm out expecting to find her husband's warm body, but only found an empty space vacated by him. Andy sat up in bed drowsily reaching out for her white kimono draping it over the white laced nightgown she was wearing. She made her way to the doorway of what would've been their baby's nursery, and found him by the window his arms grabbing the frame of the window in a massive grip, his body still shaking from the sobs Andy could only guess had escaped his throat, while she'd been sleeping. The wooden floor outside the room squeaked, as Andy shifted her weight, and alerted Sam to her presence. He hastily dried his eyes with the back of his hand before turning to face her.

"Hey…you're up…" Sam sniffed before walking towards her.

"…Sam…" Andy started, but was cut off by Sam saying, as he passed her in the doorway

"…I'll get the coffee started."

"Sam!" Andy exclaimed, but he was already halfway down the stairs, and onto his next stop in dodging her questions.

"Mommy?" Leo asked, as Traci was buckling him in the backseat of her car.

"Yeah, baby…?" Traci replied squatting down to the same height as her son.

"Will Sam and Andy come to my birthday?" The soon-to-be 10 year-old asked.

"They got an invitation." Traci replied trying to dodge her son's questions. How did you explain the harsh realities to a little boy, who only knew he missed his aunt terribly?

"But will they come?" Leo pressed.

"I don't know baby, we'll see all right?"

"Andy's never missed one of my birthdays before. She's on all my nine photos mommy, and she has to be in the next one too, she has to." Leo continued making Traci remember almost 10 years back when the idea of a photo for each birthday had arisen.

"_That son of a bitch!" Traci exclaimed slamming the phone down on the receiver._

"_Easy now momma bear." Andy replied walking into the kitchen carrying a one-year-old Leo in her arms._

"_Hey baby…" Traci cooed receiving Leo from Andy, as she sat down with Leo in her lap, while Andy put the finishing touches on the birthday cake._

"…_what's going on?" Andy asked, as she could tell Traci needed to get something off her chest – a something that undoubtedly had to do with Leo's absent father figure._

"_D-A-D-D-Y has a hot date today of all days…" Traci swore under her breath._

"…_on a Monday afternoon?" Andy asked confused._

"_Apparently he'll stop at nothing to avoid some responsibilities." Traci replied with a sigh, as she and Leo stood behind Andy eying her handiwork. The chocolate cake was in two layers with blue frosting and the birthday boy's name was spelled out in bold letters with white frosting. To finish the work of art off Andy had placed a yellow birthday candle in the center of the cake._

"_What do you think?" Andy asked taking Leo from Traci, as they surveyed the cake._

"_Not too shabby auntie Andy." Traci teased, as she put the cake in the fridge._

"_You think I'll ever be making one of those for a kid of my own?" Andy sighed lifting Leo up in the air eliciting a giggle from the little boy._

"_Of course you will. Just look at how crazy Leo is about you – but just a piece of friendly advice…make sure the F-A-T-H-E-R isn't a complete douche." Traci replied taking Leo from Andy again._

"_You know what?" Andy suddenly asked._

"_What?" Traci asked with a sigh, as they walked into the living room, while Andy grabbed something from her purse._

"_We're gonna begin a tradition starting today!" Andy exclaimed holding a camera in her hands._

"_What are you talking about?" Traci asked, as she sat down on the couch with Leo on her lap._

"_Screw D-E-X…if he doesn't want to be here he can just stay away. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't enjoy the day. So…let's make it memorable." Andy replied pointing to the camera._

"_A photo for each birthday?" Traci asked loving the idea._

"_A photo for each birthday." Andy confirmed setting up the camera with an automatic trigger so it could take a photo of all three of them simultaneously. _

"_This is gonna be great…" Traci beamed, as she wrapped an arm around Andy's shoulder, and Andy did the same, while Leo sat with a leg on each woman's lap giggling aloud._

"_C-H-E-E-S-E!" _

"I'll ask her all right?" Traci smiled before closing the car door wondering if the last photo for each birthday had been taken a year ago.

The drive to Memorial had been quiet. Too quiet. Andy hated quiet, but even more so she hated when Sam kept something from her, and she knew that somewhere he thought it was for the best to keep mum, but he was so wrong because at one point he'd snap from the pressure of keeping all that bottled up, and she knew it was only a matter of time.

"Mrs. Swarek if you'll take a seat the doctor will be right out." The duty nurse explained with a smile, as Sam and Andy took a seat in the empty waiting room.

"Hey…it'll be fine…" Sam replied placing his hand on top of Andy's, which she had been drumming on the arm rest of the chair in anxiety.

"…fine?" Andy questioned feeling the anger fill her stomach. Sam talking about things being fine when he wouldn't even talk to her about what he was feeling.

"Look I know I haven't been Mr. Share lately, but I just can't do it. I can't sit around discussing my feelings about what happened."

"Why not? It might help." Andy replied turning around in her seat.

"It won't." Sam insisted eliciting a sigh from Andy.

"Is this about Sarah?" Andy asked, and knew when looking at Sam that she'd hit pay dirt. This was about his sister, and what had happened to her years ago, and how Sam had chosen to deal with it.

"What happened to Sarah has nothing…" Sam tried to deny it, but he'd forgotten how well Andy knew him. Plus he didn't know that Sarah had confided in Andy about that time too with information Sam had never told her about.

"…it has everything to do with this. Sarah went through an unspeakable trauma, and you watched her muddle through it. Just like you're watching me muddle through this. But unlike what happened to Sarah, which physically and emotionally hit her the most, what happened to us happened to both of us. And if you don't deal with it…"

"…Andy please…" Sam urged her to stop before he'd say something he couldn't take back.

"…you need to talk about it Sam – if not with me, then with someone else. Oliver, Jerry or even Frank. But you need to let it out."

"Enough all right!" Sam hissed out through his teeth before getting up, and walking out of the waiting room.

"…Sam…? Where are you going? Sam?" Andy stood up frozen to the spot cursing herself for having pushed him too far, too soon.

"Sam?" A familiar voice asked.

"Monica? Hey…what are you…? Wauw…!" Sam exclaimed, as he noticed Monica's pregnant belly.

"…wauw is right." Monica smiled rubbing her pregnant belly; an act many mothers-to-be did unconsciously even Andy had done it no more than a couple of weeks ago Sam remembered.

"You look great." Sam replied not really knowing how he was supposed to act with his ex having what he'd just lost.

"Thanks. I've been meaning to call you. I heard about what happened to Andy, and I wanted to express my deepest condolences." Monica emphatically replied.

"Thanks." Sam nodded his head.

"How are you guys doing?" Monica asked.

"We're pushing through it." Sam nonchalantly replied, as if Monica had just asked him to repair a broken pipe in her kitchen.

"And you? Burying yourself in your work per usual, and shutting Andy out?" Monica asked knowing Sam pretty well after having dated the man for a year.

"Pretty much." Sam replied, as he and Monica walked to a couple of chairs to sit down.

"Everything looks good…" The young doctor replied surveying Andy's test results.

"There's an oxymoron if I ever heard one…" Andy replied sarcastically.

"…sorry. I didn't mean…It's just…" The doctor immediately began to apologize eliciting a smile from Andy despite the circumstances.

"…breathe…" Andy replied.

"…let's start over shall we?" The doctor suggested with a smile.

"So you've told Andy absolutely nothing about this? Sam God dammit!" Monica swore under her breath.

"Calm down…she pretty much guessed it all before I bolted from the waiting room." Sam replied hating himself for having left Andy alone for her first doctor appointment since the miscarriage.

"You're a piece of work you know that?" Monica replied.

"Thanks Monica…" Sam sarcastically replied.

"Will you promise me to go to Andy, and talk this through? And you better pray she takes you back for being such an ass." Monica replied, as they stood up.

"Aye-aye!" Sam sarcastically saluted Monica, as she got a mesmerized look in her eyes.

"Oh my God…" Monica breathed.

"What is it?" Sam worried.

"The baby. I think she's kicking, you wanna feel it?" Monica grinned, as she took Sam's right hand in hers, and placed it on her pregnant belly.

"Wauw…" Sam grinned, as he felt a swift kick against his hand. They were both so absorbed in the moment that they didn't notice Andy standing six feet away witnessing the scene before her.

"You feel that?" Monica grinned.

"…you have a future footballer in there Mon…" Sam replied not being able to tear his eyes away from Monica's pregnant belly.

"I know right…" Monica's voice echoed in Andy's head, as she backed away from the scene, and rounded the corner grabbing onto the wall steadying herself for the emotional backlash she was feeling. If their baby had survived Sam would soon have been feeling him or her kick. But instead he felt Monica's baby kick. Monica. She wasn't jealous – Andy was sure of that. Not of Sam's past with Monica, but maybe she was jealous of what Monica got to have, and Andy didn't.

"Hey…you all right?" A familiar voice asked, as Andy dried away the tears she didn't even know had spilled.

"Luke…?" Andy replied confused.

"Yeah…sorry if I startled you, but I just finished up an interview upstairs, and I saw you standing here and…" Luke tried to explain, as Andy tried to gather her senses.

"…will you take me home?" Andy turned her sad eyes on her ex.

"Sure. Come on." Luke nodded his head placing his left arm around Andy's back, as they made their way towards the elevator.

"Excuse me?" Sam asked having returned to the waiting room after having said goodbye to Monica.

"Yes?" The duty nurse from before asked.

"I don't know if you remember me from before…I was here with my wife Andy…"

"…oh yes Mrs. Swarek. I believe she already left." The duty nurse replied.

"Oh I see…how long ago was that?" Sam asked checking his cell just in case she'd texted him, but why would she? After all he'd left her behind.

"About 20 minutes ago or so, but I believe she got a ride." The duty nurse replied.

"A ride? With who?" Sam asked his concern spiking immediately. He'd failed her again.

"A tall guy, blue eyes, blonde hair, wore a suit." The duty nurse replied describing Luke Callahan to a tee.

"Son of a bitch!" Sam exclaimed before clasping his phone shut.

"Feel better?" Luke asked handing Andy a mug of tea before sitting down opposite her in the kitchen.

"Not really…" Andy sighed cradling the mug between her hands.

"You wanna tell me what's got you this upset?" Luke asked.

"…you think that's wise?" Andy asked only focused on the hot liquid in front of her refusing to look into Luke's eyes.

"Hey...I know we're not exactly on each other's buddy lists', but I like to consider myself a good listener, so if you need an available ear – I've got two of them." Luke smiled, as Andy looked at him.

"I just…I feel like such a failure." Andy confessed.

"Why?" Luke asked not knowing where in the world a thought like that would come from.

"I lost our baby, and today I saw Sam feeling Monica's baby kick, and it just hit me all of the sudden."

"What did?"

"The fact that nothing I do ever turns out right."

"Andy come on."

"Luke its true – take the two of us for instance. I hid my true feelings for Sam the entire time we were together, then I almost get Sam killed when I decide to act on those feelings, and now I've failed as a wife and a mother…a mother what a joke." Andy scoffed moving to the window by the sink looking out to where kids were playing in the nearby park.

"Hey…listen to me all right…" Luke replied turning Andy around making her look him in the eyes by holding her face in his hands – an act he'd done many times in their relationship several years ago.

"…Luke…" Andy tried to object, but stopped when Luke continued.

"…what happened between the two of us was as much my fault as it was yours Andy. Do you know how long it's taken me to realize that? And your feelings for Sam? Well you're still together aren't you? And as far as the whole Brennan fiasco goes – then that was as much on Boyd as it was on you and Sam."

"Thanks…" Andy smiled solemnly.

"…am I interrupting anything?" Sam's voice cut through the nice moment Luke and Andy were having like a razor making them both turn around in surprise.

"Sam…"Andy began, but Sam ignored her protests.

"…_my_ wife, _my_ house, _my_ responsibilities. So tell me Homicide what the hell are you doing here?" Sam exclaimed tossing his keys on the nearby table, as he made his way to where Luke and Andy were standing.

"That's between Andy and me." Luke replied coldly still having clear animosity towards Sam due to their past.

"Really?" Sam coldly laughed; a laugh that didn't reach his eyes, and a laugh that Andy had only heard when he interrogated the bottom of the food chain.

"Enough!" Andy exclaimed moving to stand between the two men; the palm of her hands placed on both their chests.

"Andy…" Luke started, but Andy had grown tired of their testosterone antics – remembering only too well how Sam had beaten the crap out of Luke at the off-duty retraining for senior officers a couple of years ago.

"…Luke thanks for taking me home, but I think you should leave." Andy replied looking at Luke.

"Are you sure?" Luke asked concerned.

"Yeah, she's sure Homicide." Sam added, as Luke began to walk towards the front door, but turned around looking at Sam.

"Luke please." Andy replied not feeling up for another round between him and Sam, as she'd followed Luke to the front door.

"Oh and Swarek…make sure to stick around this time huh?" Luke spat needing to get one up on Sam despite the fact that he hated himself for using Andy's miscarriage like that especially considering the look Andy shot him.

"At least I'm faithful when I put a ring on a woman's finger Homicide." Sam shot back.

"You just concentrate on protecting her, that's where you seem to be lacking Swarek." Luke argued before Andy shut the door closed behind him.

"What the hell were you two doing?" Sam immediately faulted Andy.

"Nothing." Andy replied picking up her now cold mug of tea, and walking to the sink to pour it down the drain.

"Nothing?" Sam repeated with disdain in his voice.

"Fine! You want to know what we talked about? My guilt! My guilt at not cutting it as a girlfriend, as a wife and here's the running joke; as a mother!"

"Andy…" Sam started towards her, but was cut off by Andy's voice, as she walked past him, and placed her hands on the railing leading upstairs.

"…just leave me alone Sam!" Andy angrily cried, as she ran upstairs, while Sam stood frozen to the spot wondering how it had all gone so wrong.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Wait**

"Easy!" Traci exclaimed, as she met Andy by the back entrance to the barn in the parking lot unable to open the door with her key card due to the fact that she slid the card through the slot too fast.

"Hey…" Andy replied stepping back, and allowing Traci to slide her card through – getting it right in the first try.

"…so I suppose I don't need to ask how things are with Sam?" Traci asked, as they made their way to the locker room.

"…then don't all right!" Andy snapped, and regretted it immediately.

"Ooh - someone's in a foul mood." Gail quipped joining Andy and Traci outside the locker room.

"Bite me!" Andy shot back, as Gail entered the locker room, while she and Traci stood on the outside.

"What's going on with you?" Traci asked.

"I'm sorry all right? I just…" Andy started, but stopped when a group of female coworkers interrupted them entering the locker room throwing an emphatic smile in Andy's direction.

"…you just what?" Traci asked when they were alone again.

"…last night was terrible all right? We had a fight." Andy replied needing to talk to someone.

"So…you had a fight. It's not the end of the world. Find Sam, and talk to him. You need to work this out before either of you put up any more walls it'll take a dozen bulldozers to tear down."

"I'm not sure there are enough bulldozers in the world to tear down what's wrong…" Andy sighed, as she and Traci entered the locker room.

"Brother! Zoe and the girls send their love." Oliver exclaimed grasping Sam's hand, as the two best friends hugged clasping each other on the back.

"Thanks. I've been meaning to call and thank you guys for the food and flowers." Sam thanked his friend knowing that Zoe had probably orchestrated the whole thing.

"Don't mention it…how are things?" Oliver asked, as they started to suit up for an 8-hour shift.

"Things are…you know…" Sam shrugged alerting Oliver to the fact that something was way off.

"…no I don't know, that's why I'm asking you Dimples." Oliver sarcastically replied, as he turned to look at Sam.

"…I don't know…it just seems like Andy's standing on one side of the lake, and I'm on the other, and no matter how much we try and cross that God damn lake we can't." Sam sighed finishing up buttoning his shirt.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Oliver asked.

"Of course…you know…" Sam dodged Oliver's steel glance.

"…oh so you've been letting Andy do the talking, and you haven't told her a God damn thing about how you feel about the miscarriage? I know the feeling brother…" Oliver surprisingly replied making Sam raise an eyebrow at his friend.

"You've never mentioned that before."

"Not exactly something you discuss over dim sum in the cruiser brother. Zoe had a miscarriage several years ago – before we were even married. Almost tore us apart. But it didn't, and you wanna know why?" Oliver divulged shutting his locker.

"Why?" Sam asked mimicking Oliver's action.

"Because I chose to put a stop to my constant need to be the man; you know the testosterone driven man in a relationship, who's constantly on edge, afraid…"

"…I am not afraid!" Sam insisted, but Oliver chose to overhear him, and continued

"…of course you're afraid…we all are. Listen…I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and one of the more pivotal ones happened when Zoe miscarried because I thought like the idiot I was that what happened, happened to her, and it didn't matter what I was feeling. But it did matter, and it does. Because us guys, we may not carry the babies, but we're in it, we're in it brother, and the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you'll be able to cross that lake, and meet Andy in the middle." Oliver could tell he'd hit pay dirt because instead of making up a lot of excuses Sam was actually listening to him.

"Who knew a woman like Zoe could stand a thick-skull like you for so long?" Sam quipped needing to lighten the mood.

"Don't I know it brother, and look at us now…we've been married for 17 years now, and been together for a hell of a lot longer. All I'm saying is…don't chuck it all away because you guys are on opposite sides. You'll get there brother!" Oliver replied clasping Sam on the back before they made their way to parade.

"All right…the she-devil has left the room – now what happened yesterday? Did the doctor's appointment go badly?" Traci asked knowing Andy had had a follow-up appointment at Memorial the day before.

"The doctor's appointment went fine. He said there'd be no problem in us trying again when we were ready." Andy explained attaching her nametag to her Kevlar.

"That's great news." Traci smiled having feared that the miscarriage would've done irreversible damage.

"Yeah, yeah it is." Andy sighed arranging her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head.

"Then that can't be what caused you guys to fight." Traci reasoned looking intently at her best friend.

"It wasn't – as a matter of fact Sam doesn't even know about it." Andy explained touching a picture attached to her locker of her and Sam. They were sitting on the couch at home, their faces close together, grinning dimples in place.

"He doesn't know?" Traci asked arching an eyebrow.

"He didn't really give me a chance to tell him before he went off on Luke." Andy replied.

"Luke? How does Luke fit into all this?" Traci wondered.

"All right…" Andy sighed closing her locker shut before turning to her best friend to tell her exactly what had happened the previous day.

"It'll be okay." Traci patted Andy's back, as they entered the parade room, and Andy immediately noticed Sam standing with Oliver in the corner of the room. Sam had decided to take a new leap after his talk with Oliver, and gave her a smile, but was confused when she looked away the moment their eyes locked.

"Coppers of 15!" Frank exclaimed bringing the attention of the room to him instead of Sam and Andy.

"What's up?" Oliver whispered at Sam having noticed the exchange of looks between him and Andy as well as the rest of the room.

"Don't know." Sam whispered back, but knew exactly why Andy hadn't returned his smile. Their conversation hadn't ended in the kitchen that night – it had picked up in the nursery, and even though they'd made some headway – they'd also hit a major road block.

_**Under a blackened sky  
>Far beyond the glaring streetlights<br>Sleeping on empty dreams  
>The vultures lie in wait<br>You lay down beside me then  
>You were with me every waking hour<br>So close I could feel your breath  
><strong>_

_Andy stood by the window in the nursery overlooking the nearby park where she'd envisioned herself walking the stroller in 6 months' time had she not lost their baby. How could everything change in the blink of an eye? Where was the justice in what had happened to them? She sure didn't know, and right now she couldn't see how they were supposed to struggle their way out of the rut they were in._

"_The doctor's gave you a sedative later that night." Sam voice spoke from the doorway of the nursery alerting Andy to his presence in the room turning her head slightly, but still facing the window._

"_You were distraught, couldn't sleep, and they gave you a sedative so you could get some rest. All I remember is looking at your still form obviously in distress, but sleeping. I put my head on your…stomach…" Sam cleared his throat obviously hit emotionally with the memories of that night._

"…_I remember waking up the next morning; you still had your head on my stomach." Andy spoke for the first time since Sam had joined her in the room turning around to face him._

"…_yeah…" Sam sighed walking into the room, and sitting down with his back against the boxes containing the crib they'd purchased online a couple of weeks earlier. _

"…_you have been there for me through everything Sam. Something else I remember from that morning is running my fingers through your hair, and instead of opening your eyes, you just tightened your hold around me. Clutching me. I haven't seen you that relaxed since." Andy moved towards Sam, and sat down next to him._

_**When all we wanted was the dream  
>To have and to hold that precious little thing<br>Like every generation yields  
>The new born hope unjaded by their years <strong>_

_Sam nodded his head – he remembered that morning very well. He'd been able to let it all go because Andy had slept through the night. He cried holding onto her for dear life until sleep had come and gotten him. Andy had been right – in the moment he'd let go of everything, and he'd been able to relax. And he hadn't been able to do just that ever since because he'd been so focused on Andy and her needs, and forgetting his own. _

"_I'm so sorry." Sam softly tucked a strand of hair behind Andy's ear, as she leaned into his touch looking down, and finding their fingers locked together – Andy's rings almost glowing in the dark._

"_Me too…" Andy nodded her head closing her eyes._

"…_come here…" Sam fingered Andy's chin bringing her lips to his kissing her deeply._

"…_Sam…" Andy whimpered against Sam's mouth, but when he moved to disentangle their lip lock Andy grabbed a fistful of his shirt pulling him back, and joining them again. Sam smiled against her mouth, as she moved to straddle his lap, and the palm of Sam's hand moved up her back, as the kiss intensified._

"…_I love you so much baby…" Sam groaned, as his kisses moved down her throat and Andy leaned her head back giving him greater access to her pleasure points._

"…_I love you too…" Andy moaned as Sam's hands cradled her head in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes like he used to do. Sam grinned before their mouths crashed together again with an ill-advised promise to never lose each other again._

_The next morning Andy woke up wrapped in Sam's safe embrace. She ran the tips of her fingers up and down his arm caressing his biceps. _

"_This feels nice…" Sam moaned tightening his hold around her waist._

"…_it does, doesn't it?" Andy smiled enjoying having Sam so close again._

"…_I've missed you…" Sam confessed kissing Andy's hair._

"…_me too…" Andy agreed._

"…_you ready for tomorrow?" Sam asked having been worried that she wanted to start work again so soon, but also knew that staying at home for much longer would drive her insane._

"…_yeah I am. I've missed everyone. Even Gail." Andy smiled turning around in Sam's arms._

"_I've had a talk with Frank, and we've agreed on you starting off slowly with some desk duty, paperwork – the usual drill." Sam tried to explain, but the look in Andy's eyes told him he'd just stepped in some quicksand._

"_So let me get this straight…" Andy started changing her position on the floor so she was supported by her elbows creating some distance between her and Sam._

"…_Andy…" Sam objected, but Andy continued nonetheless._

"…_you went behind my back, and spoke to our staff sergeant about what type of work he should assign me to? Because I'm what…? Weak, inferior or because you see me unfit to wear my badge now?" Andy reeled._

"…_that is in no way what I meant. But just being on desk duty didn't exactly end well for you the last time now did it?" Sam hated himself for saying it, but someone had to, and he wasn't about to lose her again._

"_Right…" Andy nodded her head before gathering the blanket around her, and walking out of the nursery._

"…_Andy. Andy. Andy!" Sam finally shouted, as he watched her retreating back heading in the direction of their bedroom._

_**Pressed up against the glass  
>I found myself wanting sympathy<br>But to be consumed again  
>Oh I know would be the death of me<br>And there is a love that's inherently given  
>A kind of blindness offered to appease<br>And in that light of forbidden joy  
>Oh I know I won't receive it <strong>_

"Finally I just want to take the time to say on cop level to Swarek and McNally you have our deepest condolences, and McNally we're very happy to have you back in the fold again." Frank said looking at Andy.

"Thank you Sir." Andy smiled politely.

"So protect, serve and get back in one piece. Dismissed." Frank ended the parade, as the officers made their way out of the room.

"I guess we'll talk later." Traci shrugged her head watching as Oliver – her partner for the day – started to walk out of the room.

"Yeah, have fun." Andy replied sarcastically, as Traci followed in Oliver's direction, while Andy started for the door, but was stopped by Sam's hand on her arm.

"We need to talk." Sam replied.

"Sorry. I've got work to do. Desk duty remember!" Andy replied sarcastically heading for the door, but Sam kept his firm grip in place on her arm, and closed the door instead.

"We're gonna talk about this!" Sam exclaimed knowing very well that if they didn't talk about what had happened the next move Andy would make would be to do something stupid to put even more space between them.

"Oh! So now you wanna talk? After having pretty much called me inept at my job!" Andy snapped.

"Andy come on! All I'm saying is that desk duty is a good start after everything that's happened." Sam wanted Andy to see that his not wanting her to start off in a cruiser on her first day back had absolutely nothing to do with her capabilities as a cop, but more to do with the emotional havoc the miscarriage was still having on her.

"If that was everything there was to it I might be inclined to believe you Sam, but there's more to it than that, and you know it!" Andy exclaimed pointing her finger at Sam.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sam wondered not liking where the conversation was headed.

"You may not say it, but you blame me don't you? For losing our baby." Andy emphasized when Sam looked like he had no idea what he would blame her for.

"No I don't!" Sam insisted.

_**When all we wanted was the dream  
>To have and to hold that precious little thing<br>Like every generation yields  
>The newborn hope unjaded by their years<strong>_

"I really thought we made some headway last night…" Andy sadly said.

"…we did." Sam insisted.

"…no we didn't. Because if you trusted me…" Andy started, but was cut off by Sam.

"…I do trust you."

"…on the job then you wouldn't have felt the need to go behind my back, and talk to Frank."

"For heaven's sake Andy! I did that _for _you. Frank and I are friends, and he's been worried about you, we all have. You need to start trusting the people around you, who care about you, and not let garbage from the past ruin everything you've…we've built together."

"So now it's my fault?" Andy replied walking away from Sam.

"It's not anyone's fault, but can't you see a pattern here?"

"A pattern?" Andy questioned turning around in a swift move.

"We made love last night Andy, for the first time in I don't know how long, and we were happy. You were happy. We were together, and the minute, the minute I tell you about something I did to protect you, you bolt from the room. It seems that every time we take a step forward, we take two steps back. And I for one don't know what more I can do to make you see how much I love you." Sam explained framing Andy's face with his hands.

"This isn't working. This is starting to hurt. Worse than it did before. And I don't know how to fix it." Andy replied placing her hands on top of Sam's before removing them from her face.

_**When all we wanted was the dream  
>To have and to hold that precious little thing<br>Like every generation yields  
>The newborn hope unjaded by their years<strong>_

"So what are you saying?" Sam asked taking a step back.

"What I'm saying…" Andy started, but couldn't complete the sentence.

"…say it. I'm not leaving this room until you say it. I want to hear the words come out of your mouth. I want you to look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't want me in your life anymore." Sam felt his eyes growing cloudy, and his throat choking up.

"Of course I want you in my life Sam. I love you. But I need…I need some time and space to figure out what to do next." Andy's heart was being ripped to shreds by seeing the man she loved more than anything else thinking she didn't love him anymore.

"Time and space?" Sam nodded his head in disbelief.

"_I don't like space because space doesn't involve me doing something. You know it's kinda like time. Time doesn't work for me either." _

"_All right time and space – two things that don't work for you"_

"_Pretty much."__**  
><strong>_

_**You know if I leave you now  
>It doesn't mean that I love you any less<br>It's just the state I'm in  
>I can't be good to anyone else like this <strong>_

"Something is broken inside of me Sam. I thought it was you, but maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem here. I can't watch expectant mothers, babies, children or anything without my own miscarriage playing in a loop in my mind. And there's nothing I can do to stop it, nothing. I can't take the pain anymore, I just can't do it." Tears cascaded down Andy's cheeks, but she didn't care.

"Hey, hey, hey…come here…" Sam pulled Andy into a hug, and she let herself be pulled into his embrace wanting to get lost in him. But that was part of the problem. He couldn't fix her, she needed to fix herself, and no matter how much it hurt she had to let him go – in order to fix herself.

"…Sam I can't…" Andy pulled herself out of their embrace hating herself when seeing the hurt look on his face.

"…Andy…" Sam started towards her, but she turned on her heel, and opened the door looking back at him.

"…I love you so much." Andy simply replied before leaving him behind. 

_**When all we wanted was the dream  
>To have and to hold that precious little thing<br>Like every generation yields  
>The new born hope unjaded by their years<strong>_

"What do you mean she was gone?" Jerry asked Traci after having put Leo to bed.

"Just what I said. I came back with Oliver this afternoon, and she was gone." Traci replied worried.

"What a mess." Jerry rubbed his face, as there was a knock on the door. Traci immediately ran for the door hoping she'd find Andy standing on the other side of the door.

"Trace?" A soaked Andy stammered.

"Honey…come here…it'll be all right…" Traci consoled, as she received a blanket from Jerry, and wrapped Andy in it.

"I'll go make up the spare room." Jerry announced excusing himself, as Traci led Andy into the living room settling her on the couch.

"What happened?" Traci asked wondering what had happened between Sam and Andy to make her walk around in the rain.

"I've done it for good this time Trace. I've lost him." Andy cried, as Traci gathered her in her arms rubbing her back in soothing circles. Andy's cell vibrated and a photo of Sam working the dimples appeared on the display.

"Hey, it's me. If you don't wanna talk to me, all right I'll wait for your call. I'm not giving up. I love you." Sam ended the call before running from his truck and onto the porch to avoid being drenched. He had spent most of the day looking for Andy, and when he had come up empty he'd suddenly found himself driving an all too familiar road to St. Catharines.

"Sammy?" Sarah asked confused upon finding her little brother on her doorstep.

"Hey Sarah…" Sam walked straight into his sister's waiting arms.

"…hey I've got you, I've got you Sammy." Sarah pulled Sam into a hug, and he collapsed in his sister's embrace thankful to finally being able to let it all go.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Fear**

The rays of the sun were shining through the drawn curtains revealing two forms on a bed; one of them wide awake, the other sleeping soundly. Leo had his arms wrapped around Andy's stomach, and his head resting on her chest. Andy was absently running her fingers through Leo's dark curls, an action she'd done many times before. The little boy had snuck into the spare room just past midnight and listened to his mom and Jerry talking about the fact that his aunt Andy would be spending a couple of nights at their house.

"_Aren't you supposed to be sleeping Little Man?" Andy asked, as Leo tip-toed into the room to find his aunt standing by the window._

"_I missed you." Leo explained, running to Andy and wrapping his arms around her waist._

"_I missed you too, but it's way past your bedtime Little Man." Andy said, tousling his hair._

"_Can't I sleep in here?" Leo asked through a yawn, as his grip around Andy's waist tightened._

"_Just for tonight then…" Andy smiled. Leo got under the covers and Andy joined him. Leo draped his left arm across Andy's waist and put his head on her stomach._

"_I'm sorry about your baby." Leo yawned, as Andy kissed him on the top of his head._

"_Thanks sweetie, but just being here with you, makes it a little better." Andy smiled._

"_Really?" The little boy asked excitedly looking up at Andy._

"_Yeah. So are you excited for your birthday?"_

"_Yup. Will uncle Sam come too?" Leo asked, hoping he would come so Andy would smile; she always seemed to smile when Sam was around._

"_I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for anything." Andy replied, as she reached out to turn off the lamp._

"Morning." Andy smiled, as she walked into the kitchen wearing her sweats.

"Morning. Have you seen my son by any chance? About this high, has curls and is absolutely crazy about his aunt?" Traci giggled, as Andy took a seat opposite her and Jerry, who was busy reading the paper.

"I hope you don't mind." Andy poured herself a cup of coffee, awaiting Traci's answer.

"Don't be silly – he loves you. That's good enough for me." Traci replied, as Jerry got up from his seat. Kissing Traci on the top of her head before grabbing his coffee-to-go mug.

"I'll see you ladies later!" Jerry hollered before heading to work.

"Bye Jerry! Is he okay with this?" Andy wondered, considering the fact that Sam and Jerry were close friends – on and off the job.

"Jerry? Of course. Besides…it's ho's over bros girl!" Traci grinned and extended her hand out to grab Andy's, clapping them together.

"You're incredibly weird you know that?" Andy shook her head, smiling.

"We both are. How did you sleep then?" Traci asked, as Andy unsuccessfully tried to suppress a yawn.

"Awful." Andy confessed, as Leo joined them at the table and poured a bowl of cereal for himself.

"Sharing a bed with _him_ will do that to you." Traci whispered pointing to Leo, remembering very well how much he tossed and turned in his sleep.

"It wasn't that. I've probably just grown accustomed to sharing my bed with a certain someone." Andy added under her breath, before they turned their attention to Leo.

"Brother! Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you all night!" Oliver exclaimed upon meeting Sam in the parking lot of the station.

"What's the problem?" Sam asked, as they made their way into the station side by side.

"The problem? The problem is that when your brother calls you 500 times a night you might wanna get back to said brother." Oliver scolded, as they entered the locker room.

"I ended up driving up to my sister's yesterday, and stayed there." Sam explained, as they started to suit up.

"Sarah? Oh…well…good for you." The knot in Oliver's stomach was dissolving, as he realized that Sam hadn't done something self-destructive the previous night, as he'd feared.

"What? Did you think I had gone out, picked up the first woman I could find, and then destroyed what's left of my marriage?" Sam asked, turning to Oliver for answers.

"Of course not … maybe…" Oliver added under his breath.

"I needed some air, and before I knew where I was going I was parked outside Sarah's place." Sam replied, remembering in vivid detail how his sister had handed him his ass.

"_What the hell is wrong with you Sammy?" Sarah hissed._

"_Why are you yelling at me?" Sam shot back – an attack by Sarah being the very last thing he needed tonight._

"_Let me count the reasons – # 1 you don't even bother picking up the phone to tell me you and Andy lost your baby, # 2 I have to find out from Traci – yeah she called me a couple of hours ago - and # 3 you show up here looking like hell scaring your big sister to death!" Sarah scolded her little brother._

"_It isn't exactly something I could explain to you over the phone, plus you'd most likely insist on coming to visit, and Andy hasn't exactly been up for company lately."_

"_And you? Have you been up for company lately?" Sarah asked, still being able to read Sam like an open book._

"_I'm fine." Sam insisted._

"_Oh…so that's why you showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the night?" Sarah asked sarcastically. _

"_Point taken." Sam conceded with a small smile._

"_Andy loves you Sam, and if she's pushing you away then she must be going through hell right now, not even being able to share it with you." Sarah said as she placed her hand on top of Sam's and squeezed it tightly._

"_Sometimes I wonder…" Sam breathed out, alerting Sarah to his heartache, which prompted her to lift his chin up and force him to look her in the eyes._

"_Hey, Sammy…you listen to me alright? Andy loves you, and she's hurting right now because she can't let you into the darkest corners of her mind just yet. I've never suffered a miscarriage, but I have been to hell and back, and I'm telling you right now that if Andy is closing herself off from you it's to protect you, not because she doesn't love you." Sarah held Sam's gaze for a long while emphasizing her point. She'd loved her sister-in-law the moment she'd met her, and even more so on Sam and Andy's wedding day when she'd seen the love in Andy's eyes, as she promised to stand by Sam for the rest of her life. The wedding had been so beautiful, and Sarah had, for the first time in years, not been worried about Sam because he had Andy._

"_Then what do I do? How do I get through to her?" Sam wanted to know._

"_You know Sammy…love is like an earthquake – it's unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are." _

"_What is that? A Hallmark greeting?" Sam joked, arching an eyebrow._

"_Shut up!" Sarah slapped Sam on the arm before they turned serious again._

"_What do I do sis?" _

"_You head back home, you find your wife, and you don't stop telling her that you love her until she starts listening to you. She loves you Sam, and you love her, and that's enough. You just have to open her eyes to that fact." Sarah smiled._

"You taking them off?" Traci asked, as she and Andy were suiting up.

"Have to. I'm officially back on patrol today, but I'll keep them close by." Andy explained as she slipped her rings onto her silver necklace and clasped it around her neck.

"All right…see you out there." Traci smiled before leaving Andy behind in the locker room lost in thought.

_It had been a perfect evening. Andy had blown Sam away when she'd descended the stairs wearing her little black dress; a knee-length black halter dress combined with a pair of black stilettos and a white shawl draped across her shoulders. Sam had taken her out wining and dining before taking a stroll down the boardwalk holding hands, and enjoying the mild evening air in May._

"_Thanks for dinner." Andy smiled after they'd walked in silence for a while._

"_You're welcome…" Sam smiled, clearly on edge - the smile not reaching his eyes like it usually would._

"…_are you all right? You seem…?" Andy stopped their progress on the boardwalk standing in front of Sam; her hands on his arms._

"…_what?" Sam shrugged his shoulders trying to come off as casual, but failing miserably._

"…_nervous, on edge, anxious. Take your pick. What's going on with you? You've been acting weird ever since we left the restaurant." Andy replied searching his eyes for answers, but coming up empty._

"_Andy…" Sam started on half a sigh and half a chuckle._

"…_just tell me, whatever it is. Unless this is your incredibly jackass Swarek way of calling the whole thing off because then you'll leave me with no other choice but to murder you." Andy giggled, enjoying the rise she could get out of Sam tonight. Usually, it would be him pulling her leg, but for some reason he was too bent out of shape tonight to be his own joking self._

"…_you've got to be kidding me!" Sam cursed when the shrill ring of his cell phone interrupted what would've been the most important speech of his life._

"_Who is it?" Andy asked when she noticed the expression on Sam's face._

"_Boyd!" Sam spat, as a dark cloud seemed to manifest itself in his thoughts by the sheer mention of that name. Even now, one year after the Brennan fiasco, their friendship was still in the shambles – even though Boyd had done everything to get into Sam's good graces again – including befriending Andy._

"_Go ahead. It might be important" Andy replied. She stepped out of her __stilettos before walking on to the beach and sinking her feet into the lukewarm sand. She pulled her shawl tighter to her body to ward off the chills that ran down her spine at the mere mention of Boyd's name._ _It wasn't so much the person Boyd – if you could even call him that. It was more what he brought with him; Guns and Gangs. Sam had definitively said goodbye to that taskforce after what had happened with Jamie Brennan, but a part of Andy still wondered if he wouldn't jump at the chance to get in on that action again. _

"_You know what?" Sam asked joining Andy on the beach._

"_What?" Andy asked turning around to face him._

"_Nothing is more important than you – not even the self-righteous Donovan Boyd!" Sam exclaimed before hurling his cell several meters away onto the sand._

"_Sam!" Andy giggled, loving this side of him - instead of the insecure Sam she'd been companied with ever since they'd left the restaurant._

"_Andy…" Sam began, as he took Andy's hands in his, but before he could continue Andy interjected. _

"…_Sam I think I know what this is about."_

"_You do?" Sam arched an eyebrow. He thought he'd been so careful. He'd only told one other person – Shaw. It figured that he'd let it slip – probably to Epstein or Peck – dammit._

"_Yeah. You've been acting really weird tonight, and I just want you to know that it's okay." Andy squeezed his hands._

"_It's okay?" Sam asked clearly noticing that they weren't talking about the same thing._

"_If you've changed your mind about us living together – it's okay. It's a little late in the process, but it's okay." Andy replied, knowing that even though they'd lived together for a good 6 months she was willing to give him some space if that's what he needed. She wasn't going to spoil this. Not now._

"_Andy, Andy…that's not what this is about!" Sam quickly added. He sensed that the moment was about to pass, and knew that he needed to make his move. He reached his right hand to his back pocket, and pulled out what he'd spent the past couple of weeks protecting like it was the Holy Grail itself. _

"_Sam…" Andy breathed, as she watched her boyfriend get down on one knee in front of her holding up the most gorgeous ring she'd ever seen._

"…_I love you, I've loved you for a long time, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you…Andrea McNally." Sam added her full name with a crooked smile, knowing she hated being called that._

"…_jerk." Andy added under her breath, and smiled at him though wet eyes._

"_You literally knocked me off my feet in that alley, and every single time since. You keep me on my toes, you keep me guessing, and you don't let me get away with ANYTHING…" Sam accentuated the last word with a small chuckle._

"…_right back at ya." Andy sniffed, tightening her hold on Sam's hand._

"_Andy McNally…will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" Sam held up the ring – the square cut diamond matching the stars he saw in Andy's eyes._

"_Yes of course I will marry you Sam, yes…" Andy eagerly nodded her head, as Sam slid the ring onto her finger._

"_Perfect fit." Sam grinned, as Andy looked mesmerized at the ring adorning her finger, biting down on her bottom lip._

"_I love you." _Andy exclaimed as she fell to her knees and framed Sam's face with her hands, while allowing him to pull her against his chest. She fell on top of him when he leaned back against the sand, and their mouths quickly found each other.

The parade room seemed more crowded than usual, Andy thought, but then figured that it could just be her imagination. She knew he was there; she'd known the minute she'd stepped foot into the room. She always knew – he had that effect on her. She took a seat next to Dov, ignoring the stares Sam was shooting her from across the room, where he stood next to Oliver.

"How about giving Swarek a break Andy?" The awkwardness between husband and wife hadn't gone unnoticed by Dov.

"Dov…I realize you have a man crush on my husband, but try and reel it in will you?" Andy shot back, as they listened to what their staff sergeant had to say. Andy quickly headed towards the roster whiteboard, while Sam was luckily being detained by an inquisitive Oliver Shaw.

"Will you look at that…?" Dov whistled, as he watched Andy realize that she and Sam had been assigned to ride together that very day.

"…yeah…switch with me." Andy begged looking back to see how far Sam had gotten in trying to rid himself of Shaw, thankful that he hadn't come far in that department.

"…all right!" Dov shrugged, as they switched keys.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Sam barked at Dov, when he realized that he and Andy had done a switcheroo on him.

"I work here." Dov shot back.

"Epstein!" Sam exclaimed.

"It was her idea!" Dov defended himself, pointing at Andy, who was getting into a cruiser with Oliver.

"Figures." Sam sighed, as he closed the door shut before texting Oliver.

"Now what?" Oliver grumbled, as he fetched his cell from his pants pocket.

"Everything okay?" Andy asked, when she noticed Oliver's expression change.

"Yeah, everything's just fine. Let's find some food!" Oliver grinned, as he put the cruiser in motion.

"Not to be difficult or anything Sir, but what are we doing?" Dov asked after a very quiet ride had ended up at a parking lot which overlooked the local beach. If he wasn't mistaken, it was the very same beach where his partner for the day had proposed to one of his best friends.

"Waiting." Sam replied simply, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel of the cruiser.

"Sir…" Dov began, but was interrupted by another cruiser pulling into the same parking lot parking a couple of spots behind them.

"…buckle up Epstein – we're switching back!" Sam grinned before getting out of the cruiser.

"Crap!" Dov exclaimed, knowing that being fooled by Swarek was going to come back and kick him where the sun don't shine – or rather Andy would. He was so dead.

"Why are we stopping here?" Andy asked, looking up from her notebook.

"You know I've tried to stay out of this Andy." Oliver replied, shutting the engine off.

"Then please do." Andy exhaled looking at Oliver.

"But I can't because I love you both. Someone has to make the first move, and…"

"…and what…? Oliver…?" Andy sat up straight knowing something was up.

"…I'll let him explain." Oliver patted Andy affectionately on the leg before exiting the cruiser, and letting Sam occupy his vacated seat.

"What are you doing?" Andy sighed looking straight ahead.

"I love you." Sam forced Andy to look at him by framing her face with his hands.

"Sam…" Andy breathed closing her eyes.

"I love you, and no matter what you do to push me away that'll never change. I hate that we lost our baby, as much as you do, and if I could go back in time and change it I would, but I can't. I want you back Andy; I want us back. I love you, and you love me, and if you think I'm gonna just…let you go, you've got another think coming." Sam watched, as his words hit home with Andy and her eyes opened to reveal those brown pools he'd sorely missed. It was as if her heart opened up again, and the real Andy - _his_ Andy – re-emerged.

"…I love you too…" Andy smiled, as their lips met in a soft kiss. Sam separated their lips shortly after taking her left hand in his, and his breath came out in small hisses upon finding her ring finger naked. Andy wasn't wearing her rings.

_The small church had been filled to the breaking point by Sam and Andy's family and friends wanting to take part in their special day. Sam and Andy were at the altar standing opposite each other, flanked by Oliver on one side and Traci on the other, exchanging their rings. _

"_I choose you, Andy, above all others, to be my wife. I will share my joy with you, that it be multiplied. I will share your pain, that it be divided. I will walk by your side as we travel together through life's changes. I will sleep in your arms and that love will be my home." Sam promised, sliding first the wedding ring, and then the engagement ring onto her left hand's ring finger._

"_Andy?" The priest turned to a mesmerized Andy signaling that it was her turn, which prompted Andy to turn to Traci to receive Sam's ring._

"_I, Andy, give to you Sam, this ring, as a symbol of my commitment to love, honor, and respect you. I offer it as a token of our love, and with it I join my life to yours." Andy promised while placing the ring onto Sam's left hand's ring finger._

"_It is with great pleasure that I now pronounce you husband and wife…" The minister smiled as Sam framed Andy's face with his hands – both of them laughing as he brought her lips to his in an openmouthed kiss - as Andy wrapped her arms around Sam's neck._

"…_you may now continue kissing your bride." The priest smiled, as everyone laughed at Sam's ever impatient quest to kiss his wife._

"You're not wearing your rings." Sam stated blankly staring at the naked finger in front of him.

"Sam…" Andy needed him to know that the rings were securely placed around her neck near her heart.

"I guess that's that then." Sam nodded his head in slow motion getting out of the cruiser, and making his way towards the cruiser he'd arrived in.

"…Sam!" Andy yelled from the other cruiser having followed him out caused Sam to stop in his tracks, just as he'd reached the car door. Those rings had been his promise to her on their special day, and now that promise seemed to have been ripped to pieces.

"Let's go Epstein!" Sam barked, tossing the keys to his eager partner for the day, before taking a seat in the passenger seat of the cruiser not looking back at Andy for a moment. Oliver shrugged his shoulders when Dov turned to him for an answer to what had happened before getting into the cruiser with Sam, as Oliver walked back towards Andy and their squad car.

"You okay?" Oliver asked, placing a hand on Andy's shoulder, when they were sitting inside the cruiser again.

"I've really done it now…" Andy sighed covering her eyes with her hands and leaning her head against the headrest.

"…McNally! What happened?" Oliver snapped Andy out of her trance with his harsh tone, and she turned to look at her previous training officer.

"Our marriage is over." Andy looked away, as the tears ran down her cheeks, and she pulled out the necklace from inside her shirt carrying her rings.

"What? What are you talking about?" Oliver asked noticing the rings in her grasp.

"Oliver please just drive, okay…" Andy replied drying away the tears with the back of her hand, as she tucked the necklace inside her shirt again.

"Sure…" Oliver sighed from the back of his throat, as he put the cruiser into drive. For the time being all that was heard in the cruiser were the noises coming from the radio, and Andy trying to keep her breathing in check.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Brothers and sisters **

"Did you have a good day baby?" Traci asked her son while sitting on the edge of his bed.

"The best." Leo nodded his head eagerly, when Andy appeared in the doorway of the bedroom smiling as she watched the mother-son moment before her.

"Just thought I'd say goodnight before heading home," Andy said as she sat down on the opposite side of the bed.

"Home as in…?" Traci asked hopefully, knowing that things had improved a bit today between Sam and Andy.

"…Yeah." Andy eagerly nodded her head as the two best friends hugged, while Leo looked on.

"Score!" Leo exclaimed, clapping his hands together.

"So this was part of your brilliant plan huh?" Andy teased, before kissing Leo on the cheek.

"Maybe…" Leo shrugged, chuckling.

"…I'll see you guys." Andy smiled and started to get off the bed, but stopped her motion at Leo's request.

"…Won't you read to me before you go Andy? Just the first page." The hopeful look in Leo's eyes beseeched her.

"Leo, I'm sure she'll read to you another time, but I think Andy wants to go home," Traci interjected.

"Please?" Leo begged with those puppy dog eyes Andy never could resist.

"One page?" Andy bargained, while sitting back against the pillows and reaching for the birthday present Sam had given him earlier in the day.

"One page." Leo nodded with a yawn, while Traci tip-toed out of the room giving aunt and nephew some quality time.

"_**Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off - then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me."**_

"Leo…" Andy whispered, but the boy had fallen asleep several sentences earlier. When Andy looked up, she saw Sam's smiling face on the other side of the room.

"I told you: it helps put you to sleep," Sam grinned.

** 12 hours earlier **

"You didn't stop him?" Traci asked, stunned, when she and Andy were sitting on a couple of chairs in the backyard watching Leo shoot baskets on the court Jerry, Traci and Andy had gotten him for his birthday.

"I tried…" Andy shrugged, knowing deep down that her efforts to stop Sam from leaving the cruiser had been half hearted, at best.

"…Andy, you need to make him understand why you weren't wearing your rings!" Traci exclaimed, not liking where her best friend's marriage was headed.

"…I know Trace, I know. It's just…I didn't expect him to react that way. I never wore my rings on the job before all of this happened either."

"I know, but is it any wonder Sam reacted that way, considering how things have been with you two lately? Have you even really talked to him about the entire Luke/Monica thing yet?" Traci asked, resenting the silent treatment she was getting from Andy.

"No." Andy sighed, knowing those topics should've been discussed already, but she just hadn't been up to it. Whenever they discussed Luke, they seemed to always end up in an argument.

"No? That's it Andy! Sam is coming to Leo's birthday today, and you _are_ going to talk to him, and fix this!" Traci exclaimed, grabbing Andy's left hand pointing to her rings, which were in place like they had been ever since her shift had ended the day before.

"I will Trace, I promise." Traci smacked Andy softly on the knee before heading inside to finish setting up for Leo's party.

"Good to see you Sammy!" Jerry clapped his friend on the back, as they met in the driveway of Jerry and Traci's house a couple of hours later.

"Yeah…" Sam sighed from the back of his throat hesitantly, still unsure if coming to Jerry and Traci's had been the right idea.

"…hey, none of that, alright? You need to talk to her, and she to you. Plus, Leo has been looking forward to a rematch for quite some time now." Jerry smiled, making Sam remember the last basketball game they'd played – last Fourth of July.

"_Alright - you cover Jerry, and I'll cover Sam, Trace." Andy coached, while Leo looked on with excited eyes._

"_Yeah, that'll work…" Traci scoffed, rolling her eyes._

"…_Come on Trace – have some faith in your feminine wiles." Andy smiled, looking over to where Jerry and Sam were huddled together bare-chested._

"_What about me?" Leo asked excitedly, as the two women tore their eyes away from their very handsome competition._

"_You? You get to shoot the ball, while your mom and I handle the boys," Andy explained, eliciting a loud squeal from Leo and making Jerry and Sam look at the threesome in bewilderment._

"_So, you up for this, McNally?" Sam smirked, dribbling the ball and having a stand-off with Andy, while Traci was trying to cover Jerry closer to the basketball hoop._

"_I think I can manage," Andy insisted, jabbing at the basketball unsuccessfully._

"_Yeah? How so?" Sam chuckled with his interest peaked, raising an eyebrow and dribbling the ball between his legs trying to come off as the next Michael Jordan._

"_If you hand over that ball I'll make it so worth your while later tonight…" Andy passionately replied, biting down on her bottom lip._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Oh yeah…" Andy giggled, eagerly nodding her head, as Sam passed her the ball, in turn earning an evil glare from his partner._

"_Sammy what the…" Jerry barked at him, while Andy passed the ball to Traci, who was running to the basket hoop with Leo. __She lifted him up in her arms as he grabbed the ball from his mom, and made the winning basket._

"_Sorry Barber." Sam apologized, as Andy, Traci and Leo celebrated by high-fiving each other._

"_What happened?" Jerry asked, as the women and Leo joined them._

"_What can I say…I got an offer I couldn't refuse?" Sam shrugged, bringing Andy's warm body close to his sweaty one in a swift move, as the pouting Jerry got a better-luck-next-time kiss from Traci._

"_We rocked!" Leo squealed while running around the driveway with his hands in the air, making the adults forget who lost or who won._

"_So about tonight…" Sam fingered Andy's chin, making her look him in the eyes._

"…_Uh-huh…" Andy giggled, knowing exactly where her fiancé's__thoughts were going._

"…_How about you give me a little preview…" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows in a playful manner and crashing his lips against Andy's in an openmouthed kiss - promising many things to come._

"You can't be sad today Andy – it's my birthday!" Leo exclaimed while joining Andy on the chair and prompting her to lift him up onto her lap.

"I'm not sad, Little Man," Andy attempted, but even Leo could read her moods like an open book.

"Yes, you are. You haven't been happy for a long time now. You miss your baby, huh? And Uncle Sam?" Leo questioned. Andy wrapped her arms tighter around the boy's waist and leaned her head against the side of his before she answered.

"It's complicated…" Andy sighed, while unbeknown to her, Sam watched her and Leo from the doorway of the house.

"…No, it's not. You love Sam, and he loves you. My mom says that love's all that matters," Leo countered. . The simple analogy caused Andy to giggle, as she kissed Leo on the top of his head.

"Your mom is very smart, kiddo."

"I know…" Leo sighed resignedly from the back of his throat, making both Sam and Andy smile.

"Luke?" Traci wondered why the homicide detective was standing on her doorstep.

"Hope we're not too late?" Gail asked, appearing in the doorway next to Luke - her on-and-off-again boyfriend.

"Of course not, come on in," Traci added, after Gail had strolled past her and into the living room.

"Where is everyone?" Gail wondered, looking around in the decorated, albeit, empty living room.

"They're out back playing basketball," Traci offered, as Gail walked outside through the patio doors, while Luke stayed behind.

"Congrats on your boy, Nash." Luke smiled, angling his head when his eyes caught sight of Andy in the kitchen laying a last touch on Leo's birthday cake.

"Thanks…Luke don't…" Traci tried to warn, but before she knew it, he'd made his way towards the kitchen.

"…I'm just gonna talk to her," Luke said, with a shrug of his shoulders before entering the kitchen.

"Good game boys!" Gail whistled as Leo, Jerry and Sam had won several baskets over Dov, Chris and Nick.

"That was awesome!" Leo squealed as he high-fived Jerry and Sam.

"How did you get here?" Dov asked, when Gail joined him, Chris and Nick.

"Luke gave me a ride." Gail replied loud enough for Sam to hear it, and when he did, his blood ran cold. The irony was that spending time with Collins was no problem, even though he'd been a catalyst in Andy's miscarriage, but just the mere mention of Luke's name made him see red. And why wouldn't it? The man had tried to come between him and Andy ever since they'd started dating.

_The Penny had been filled to the breaking point, as always, on a busy Saturday night. Sam hadn't felt like coming but Jerry had insisted. Actually, what Sam felt like doing, was to go a couple of rounds with the punching bag at the gym. However every time he entered that room at the barn, the image of Andy's grinning face appeared before him from that day he'd insisted she hit something._

_Their fight had been stupid. Beyond stupid. Incredibly stupid. Sam hadn't seen it coming, the request from Boyd, to have Andy work undercover. He had handled it badly - beyond badly. He had actually given her an ultimatum – it was him or the UC. Like he said: it was stupid._

_He saw her huddled together with Nash, Epstein and Diaz having some drinks on their night off. Andy was obviously still pissed – at him. Under normal circumstances, she would be laughing and joking, but tonight – nothing. All Andy did was swirl the beer around in the glass, and absently listen to what he figured was Epstein bragging about his and Diaz' latest arrest._

_And in he walked - Callaghan! That guy worked his last nerve. It had actually been Luke who'd spilled the beans about Boyd's request regarding Andy going undercover. He knew the guy still had feelings for her, but he'd blown it. Callaghan had cheated on Andy with Rosati, and while Luke had been trying to make things right, Andy had moved on with him._

_Sam watched as Andy walked up to the bar to get a refill, and knew even without watching, that Callaghan had approached her. Why wouldn't he? It had been evident during parade on Friday that things weren't going smoothly between him and Andy. No words had been spoken outright, but the tension between them had been thick – too thick for Homicide not to see it. Sam was absently listening to the conversation between Jerry and Oliver, silently watching as Luke placed his hand on Andy's lower back as Andy turned to look at him. _

_Peck; Callaghan's apparent girlfriend was standing on the opposite end of the bar witnessing the exchange between the ex's with confusion clearly written on her face. Sam recognized the feeling; he'd been confused ever since his stupid fight with Andy. _

"_How are you doing…?" Luke asked, while waiting for his drink from the bartender._

"…_Great! What, can't you tell?" Andy replied to him sarcastically, knowing that Luke had most likely picked up on the tension between her and Sam over the past couple of days._

"…_you'll do great Andy, and if Swarek can't be happy for you, then screw him!" Luke exclaimed, causing Andy to raise an eyebrow at him._

"_You know Luke, it wasn't that long ago that you tried getting me to abandon an undercover operation because you didn't think I could handle it," Andy countered, remembering very well how Luke had tried to talk her out of the Bergen operation._

"_Andy that was different," Luke insisted, which made Andy scoff._

"_Really? Why is that? Because it was you asking me? Or because Sam and I were partnered up?" Andy wanted to know._

"_Andy, come on." Luke grabbed Andy's arm and turned her around when she attempted to walk away. Sam had been watching the entire exchange between Andy and Luke, and didn't like it one bit. _

"_Sammy don't do anything…stupid" Oliver sighed, but Sam had already left him and Jerry, and was headed towards where Andy and Luke were standing._

"_What's your problem?" Andy hissed through gritted teeth as Sam joined them._

"_That's pretty obvious - isn't it, Homicide? At the first sign of problems you're here attempting to move in on her," Sam replied while stepping in-between Andy and Luke._

"_I was just…" Luke started, but was immediately cut off by Sam._

"…_I know exactly what you were doing! Now let me make this clear one last time alright: Andy is off-limits, our relationship is off-limits and if I ever see you grabbing her like that again, I'm gonna make you wish you'd never been born. Now move!" Sam's dark eyes dared Luke to say anything at all, and wisely enough he kept mum, and moved towards where Gail was seated._

"_Wauw…" Andy said as Sam turned around to face her._

"…_Yeah…listen, Andy, about this Boyd thing – if you want to do it, then you should do it. And I'm sorry for being such an ass." Sam apologized __sincerely, which brought a smile to Andy's face. _

"_This has got to be a first - Sam Swarek admitting he's an ass." Andy giggled as Sam wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her close so that they stood chest to chest._

"_Shut up." Sam grinned, before kissing her soundly, while Andy wrapped her arms around his neck._

"What are you doing here, Luke?" Andy asked once Luke joined her in the kitchen.

"Well…Gail needed a ride so…?" Luke answered hesitantly.

"You and Gail huh?" Andy inquired, still not getting used to that pairing.

"…Yup. How are things?"

"Great! How could they not be?" Andy replied sarcastically, while placing the cake in the fridge.

"Sorry. Yeah…so you and Sam…?" Luke prodded, knowing full-well that things had been less than ideal between the married couple lately.

"We're fine," Andy insisted clentching her left hand subconsciously.

"Fine? That's not what I'm hearing," Luke slurred, moving closer to Andy and placing his arms around her waist bringing her petite body closer to his – the stink of whiskey clear on his breath, while Andy tried to push against his chest to no avail.

"Luke, stop it!" Andy warned.

"Are we interrupting anything?" Sam asked when he entered the kitchen followed closely by Jerry and Dov, while Leo and Traci were looking at his presents in the living room with Chris and Gail.

"Nothing at all." Andy finally succeeded in pushing Luke away, but she could tell by the look in Sam's eyes that it was far from over.

"I think you should leave, Callaghan," Jerry suggested, knowing Sam well enough to know that he wouldn't start anything at Leo's birthday, but also knew that Luke was on notice.

"Actually, I'd like a couple of words with our favorite detective," Sam replied, as he and Luke walked towards the front door - closely followed by Andy.

"Now what is so damn important…?" Luke's words were cut off when Sam slammed his slumped body against the outer wall of the house with his forearm against Luke's throat.

"…I believe my wife told you to back off, Homicide!" Sam exclaimed, his face only inches away from Luke's.

"Really Sammy? Your wife? If that baby had been meant to be, Andy would still be pregnant; but I guess the Lord works in mysterious ways huh?" Luke smirked with malice. Sam tightened his hold on Luke's throat, forcing him to gasp for air.

"Sam, please, he's not worth it! Don't stoop to his level. Please, Sam." Andy begged, touching his arm. He began to ease his forearm against Luke's throat, loosening the pressure, and Luke stumbled and gasped for air. Sam grabbed Luke by the collar of his shirt and spoke very clearly with dark eyes focused on him.

"You stay away from her, you got me? You come anywhere near my wife again, and I'll make sure it's the last thing you do. Now get the hell out of here!" Sam exclaimed, shoving Luke towards the front yard.

"Are you okay?" Andy asked, gently touching Sam's right arm.

"Yeah…how about you?" Sam asked on a sigh, looking at Andy with concern in his eyes.

"Better now." Andy smiled as she laced her fingers through Sam's to take his hand to lead him back inside the house when a realization hit Sam; or rather he felt the realization cut into his hand. Sam took a deep breath before looking down at their connected hands and found Andy's rings in place - right where they belonged.

"Where's Andy?" Leo asked, noticing that it had been awhile since he'd seen her.

"Baby, I think she's outside with Uncle Sam." Traci replied vaguely.

"Oh…maybe they're making up?" Leo suggested hopefully. When Traci looked to Jerry for answers, and only saw a crooked smile on her fiancé's face, she knew that something was up.

"You might be right buddy," Jerry replied, having snuck a peek through the glass of the side doors and seen Sam and Andy holding hands.

"I love you, you know that right? You are everything I want, and if I'd known removing my rings when on the job meant that much to you, I never would've done it." Andy explained, as they sat on the porch swing out on the patio – fingers laced together facing each other.

"I haven't exactly been the most levelheaded guy these past couple of weeks, I'll admit it. Besides, you removing your rings wasn't really the problem, our lack of communication was," Sam said, which incited a small giggle of relief from Andy.

"_What do you want me to do?"_

"_What you do best, McNally."_

"_Okay. Wait. Uh. What is that exactly?"_

"_Talk. Your mouth is your best weapon."_

"Funny, considering the fact that you think I talk too much." Andy smiled.

"Yeah…" Sam smiled back.

"…Seeing you with Monica that day at the hospital just freaked me out, and Luke came by and offered to take me home, and everything just kinda bundled together from there on out," Andy explained, biting down on her bottom lip.

"You saw me with Monica? God Andy…" Sam sighed, closing his eyes, suddenly realizing how everything came together and made sense; from what he'd walked in on with her and Luke in their kitchen and to her moving out of their house.

"…Hey it's okay. I should have told you straight away, but instead I ran away, trying to hide my feelings about the miscarriage. I'm not by any means over it, and I doubt I ever will be, but I want to try and move past it…with you." Sam reached out and dried away the tear that had made its way down Andy's cheek.

"I love you." Sam framed Andy's face with his hands, and brought her face close to his – his forehead resting against hers.

"I love you too…" Andy smiled as they kissed softly before pulling back slightly – their nosing grazing each other's.

"Moby Dick, huh?" Andy whispered, looking up at Sam.

"What? It's a great book," Sam grinned, wrapping his arms around Andy's shoulders from behind.

_**Happy birthday to you**_

_**Happy birthday to you**_

_**Happy birthday dear Leo**_

_**Happy birthday to you**_

Leo was flanked by Traci and Jerry on one side and Andy and Sam on the other. Chris had been chosen as the camera man to freeze this moment in time. Leo looked first to his mom and then to Andy – both women smiling at him with a clear message in their eyes

_Make a wish_

Leo took a deep breath, closed his eyes and blew out the candles as the camera flashed, forever capturing the moment.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Emotions **

The red digits on the alarm clock read 4:10 when Andy opened her eyes. She had a doctor's appointment the next day – a scheduled visit to see if her body was healing the way it was supposed to after the miscarriage. Andy inhaled sharply as she turned around in bed expecting to find Sam's sleeping form next to her, but instead found that she was alone in bed. Sam wasn't there.

**Two months is too little  
>They let him go<br>They had no sudden healing**

Sam stood in the nursery facing the boxes that he and Andy had packed up earlier - teddy bears, blankets, onesies. But that wasn't what had made him go into the nursery at 4 am – it was the sonogram picture he'd found earlier that day, which he hadn't been able to stop thinking about. It was taken at their last visit to the doctor's office before the miscarriage – the one where they'd heard their baby's heartbeat.

"_You do like taking your time getting changed, huh?" Sam smiled towards Andy, who was clad in a hospital gown._

"_Be quiet, Swarek," Andy warned, tapping a finger on his chest before jumping up on the exam table to wait for the doctor to arrive._

"_What is this stuff?" Sam wondered while fidgeting with an instrument. He was trying to keep himself busy, not wanting Andy or the good doctor to know how nervous he was._

"_Sam…" Andy sighed, noticing what kind of instrument he was touching._

"…_What?" Sam asked coyly. _

"…_That opens my cervix." Andy smiled exhaling, as a loud clatter could be heard when Sam dropped the instrument onto the steel table._

"_Mrs. Swarek…and Mr. Swarek of course," Dr. Denson replied, as she entered the examination room._

"_Doctor…" Sam nodded his head moving towards Andy to take her hand in his with an apologetic smile in place, while Andy merely shook her head before turning to face the doctor._

"_How are we today?" The doctor asked, as Andy lay down on the exam table and Sam took her hand in his squeezing it tightly._

"_We'll be much better when you tell us everything's alright," Sam answered, as the doctor poured some gel on Andy's skin and placed the transducer on her stomach. _

"_Give me a second. With any luck, we should be able to find the baby's heartbeat." Dr. Denson answered a very anxious Sam attempting to find the desired spot where the parents-to-be could hear their baby's heartbeat._

"_Oh, my God. Is that?" Andy giggled as a seemingly surreal sound came from the device the doctor was handling. _

"_There it is. It's a strong, healthy heartbeat," the doctor declared, as Sam and Andy looked at each other and clutched each other's hand in a vice like grip. _

"_That is…that is our baby…t__hat's…our baby's heart." Andy laughed out loud as she could feel her eyes tearing up._

"_Wauw…" Sam exhaled a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, as he brought Andy's left hand up to his lips for a soft kiss._

Sam was pulled out of his reverie when he heard movement out in the hallway. He quickly tucked the picture back into his pocket before Andy appeared in the doorway of the nursery.

**To think that providence  
>Would take a child from his mother<br>While she prays, is appalling**

"Hey…" Andy smiled – sleep evident in her hoarse voice.

"…Hey…what are you doing up?" Sam asked rubbing his chin.

"I could ask you the same thing. What's wrong?" Andy countered walking over to where Sam stood and looking into his eyes.

"Nothing, nothing…" Sam sighed from the back of his throat while walking away from Andy and over to the window that overlooked the darkened park. They had been in a good place ever since Leo's birthday, and he didn't want to burden her with his crap. It was over. Done. Their baby was gone, and if Andy had closed Pandora's Box, then so would he. For her. There wasn't a thing in this world he wouldn't do for her; including shielding his pain away.

"…Right…" Andy sighed, nodding her head while rubbing her naked arms absently, noting that they'd turned off the warmer in the nursery since it was mostly used as a storage room these days.

"_Maybe none of this was meant to be. Maybe this is what the universe has in store for people who aren't meant to be together…" Andy's cracked voice recounted while staring straight ahead, feeling completely numb._

"_Andy don't…" Sam sighed rubbing his eyes – the lack of sleep evident by the redness of them._

"…_Why not? It's the truth." Andy sighed, turning her head on the pillow and looking into Sam's eyes with such sadness that it broke him apart._

"_Nothing could be further from the truth." Sam knew she was trying to push him away, he knew she was blaming herself, and he knew that no matter what he did, said or expressed that he couldn't fix it; not this time. His wife was hurting, their baby was gone, and there wasn't a goddamned thing he could do about it._

"_Sam…" Andy tried to hold back the tears, but couldn't. Sam dried them away with the back of his hand saying "…we will get our shot Andy. I swear to you. We will get our family. When the time is right," Sam promised leaning his forehead against Andy's. He hoped that he didn't just make a promise to her that he couldn't keep._

"Talk to me Sam. Please, I want to help," Andy begged, encircling Sam's waist with her arms from behind and resting her head against his back. He'd been unusually quiet at dinner; the only sound coming from him had been the clatter of silverware when he'd put it down to take a swig of his beer.

"There's nothing to talk about," Sam insisted, removing Andy's arms from around his waist creating some distance between them.

"Sam please don't…go…" Andy begged Sam's retreating back, as he walked out of the nursery leaving her alone with the boxes, the memories and the 'what if's'.

**Who told us we'd be rescued  
>What has changed and<br>Why should we be saved from nightmares  
>We're asking why this happens to us<br>Who have died to live, it's unfair**

The boxing gloves would normally serve as armor against the punching bag, but not now. Right now Sam needed to feel the pain, he needed something to relieve the agony he felt on the inside. A way to let out everything he felt – without burdening Andy. She said she wanted to help him – and he knew she meant it. Only problem was that Andy helping him was the equivalent to kneeing him in the groin. He had held her, he had listened to her, and he had loved her, but he couldn't let her do the same for him. He just couldn't do it; he was the man and he needed to be strong. It was his job to protect her, not the other way around. No, pounding the punching bag to oblivion was better – much better. Most importantly he didn't have to bare his soul to the punching bag.

"_Hey…you hungry?" Sam asked as he stroked Andy's leg sitting on the edge of the couch. Andy had her head perched on the armrest of the couch covered by a blanket from the waist down._

"_I'm fine," Andy insisted, playing with her rings._

"_Andy…" Sam sighed being at his wit's end. He felt powerless, less than a man really. He couldn't take away Andy's pain, he couldn't diminish it. Sam had always been a man of action; a man of solutions. And right now he was drawing a blank. Andy hadn't eaten since leaving the hospital the day before, and the nurse had told him that if she forgot to eat, he'd have to remind her. Even something as simple as that – he couldn't do."_

"_Sam I'm fine." Andy adamantly replied throwing the blanket aside, which alerted Sam of her movements._

"_Where are you going?" Sam asked, standing up with her._

"_The bathroom. Is that alright with you?" Andy mockingly answered walking past him, as the doorbell rang._

"_Hey…is it okay that we're stopping by?" Traci asked, hugging Sam before Jerry clapped his friend on the back._

"_Sure. Come on in," Sam replied as they walked into the living room._

"_Where is she?" Traci asked noticing that the couch was in disarray._

"_Bathroom." Sam nodded his head towards the stairs leading upstairs._

"_I'll go check on her." Traci smiled, passing her jacket to Jerry, before heading upstairs._

"_How are you…really?" Jerry asked, resting a hand on Sam's shoulder. All he got in return was eye rolling and scoffing from Sam._

_Andy sat with her back against the shower doors after having swallowed a couple of painkillers hoping they'd do the trick of ridding her of the violent abdominal pains that her body had been racked with lately._

**This is what it means to be held  
>How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life<br>And you survive  
>This is what it is to be loved and to know<br>That the promise was when everything fell  
>We'd be held<strong>

"_Andy? It's me, Trace." Traci softly tapped on the bathroom door before gently opening it and peering inside. She wanted to make sure that her friend was okay, or as okay as one could be in a situation like this._

"_Hey…" Andy smiled sadly upon seeing her best friend in the doorway._

"_Sweetie…" Traci shut the door behind her before sitting down next to Andy on the floor. Traci wrapped her arms around her friend, and embraced her._

"_I feel so lost. It's like nothing fits anymore," Andy sighed after a long pause._

"…_That's because it doesn't. Not right now, but it will." Traci confirmed confidentially, while stroking Andy's back in circular motions in an attempt to sooth her._

"_How's Leo?" Andy asked, needing to take her mind off of what had happened._

"_Confused. He knows something has happened, just not what." Traci answered as Andy nodded her head in understanding before nestling it against Traci's shoulder._

"_Let me get this straight – you think this is your fault?" Jerry asked, unable to believe his own ears._

"_It is," Sam insisted, taking a swig of his beer as he and Jerry stood on the porch of Sam and Andy's house._

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_I promised her Jer…I promised her I would protect her, I promised her I would be by her side. I couldn't even keep my damn vows…" Sam shook his head feeling like an utter disappointment._

"_Yes you did. You have been by her side since it happened Sam – that's what matters…"_

"…_After the fact! I was there for her after the fact. I wasn't there for her when it happened – Traci was. I let her down – her and the baby. I let my family down." Sam exclaimed while covering his eyes with his hands, feeling deep down like a massive screw up._

"_Is that what you really think?" Jerry asked turning to his friend for answers._

"_No. It's what I know." Sam answered rubbing his eyes._

"_Sammy! Everyone who loses someone – whether it's a wife, brother, parent, child – wants someone to blame. Hell…I've seen people blame God if there's no one else to put the blame on. But I'm telling you, right now, as your friend, that starting this blame game won't help anyone – least of all you and Andy." Jerry knew Sam was hurting – deeply. What had happened had been a damn tragedy, but Jerry had seen this sort of behavior before in his job, and he knew beforehand that it was a losing battle. If Sam and Andy were to come through this on top – they needed to talk it through when they were ready and move on from there._

**This hand is bitterness  
>We want to taste it and<br>Let the hatred numb our sorrows The wise hand opens slowly  
>To lilies of the valley and tomorrow<strong>

"Feel better?" Andy asked, sitting by the kitchen table with a mug of tea an hour later when Sam returned from the basement.

"If you're asking me if punching the bag helped, then yeah…" Sam answered while opening the freezer and looking for some ice.

"…I wish you'd talk to me." Andy breathed deeply getting up from her seat.

"…Aren't we talking right now?" Sam asked sarcastically, after finding ice to use on his bruised knuckles.

"Here…" Andy took the icepacks from him and wrapped a pair of dishtowels around them.

"…Thanks." Sam made a move towards the living room, but Andy was a step ahead of him, and stopped his progress instantly.

"Oh, no you don't – we _are_ going to talk about this," Andy insisted.

"Andy its 5 am and we have a big day ahead of us so…" Sam tried to side track her, but to no avail.

"…I realize that, and if I thought this was nothing, then I might be inclined to let you go upstairs, but this isn't _nothing._ This is _something_, and we _are _going to talk about it," Andy insisted, signaling that he should sit down.

"Fine." Sam sighed as he dutifully took a seat and Andy did the same.

"Talk to me Sam." Andy tried again with the same words she'd previously uttered, which had made him bolt from the nursery.

"It isn't important," Sam reasoned shaking his head.

"Of course it is. Look…I know everything has been about me lately…" Andy started, but was cut off by Sam.

"…As it should be," Sam interrupted.

"…Maybe, but you lost the baby too, and I can see what that's been doing to you, and I really think you need to…"

"…What?" Sam asked defensively.

"…You need to talk about what you're feeling." Andy replied, making Sam scoff.

"What happened, happened. And no matter how much we talk about it, won't make it go away," Sam insisted, clenching and unclenching his bruised fists.

"No it won't, but it might help. Please Sam, if you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me." Andy begged.

"Andy…" Sam sighed knowing that if he opened up, he wasn't sure he could close it up again. She didn't deserve all his garbage; she didn't deserve any of it.

"…I love you, and you love me." Andy placed her hand on top of Sam's, urging him to look her in the eyes.

"Yes I do." Sam nodded his head.

"Then trust me," Andy begged, caressing the bruised hand she was holding in hers.

**This is what it means to be held  
>How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life<br>And you survive This is what it is to be loved and to know  
>That the promise was when everything fell<br>We'd be held**

"_What's this?" Andy asked, as she kissed Leo's dark curls when he showed her his get-better card a few days later._

"_A get-better card. This is you, Uncle Sam…" Leo explained. Andy could feel the lump form in her throat when Leo's finger pointed to the baby carriage, knowing instantly who that symbolized._

"_He insisted on bringing it over himself." Traci smiled from the doorway._

"…_and I didn't know if your baby is a boy or a girl so I just drew a baby carriage instead." Leo explained, as Andy felt tears running down her cheeks._

"_I love it, Little Man, I really love it," Andy sniffed, drying away the tears with the back of her hand, alerting Leo to the fact that she was sad._

"_Auntie Andy? Why are you sad?" The little boy asked, afraid that he had done something wrong when his mother sat down next to him and Andy on the couch._

"_Sweetheart, listen…" Traci started, but Leo wasn't listening to her – his sole focus was on Andy._

"…_I can make you another drawing if you don't like this one Andy. Just watch." Leo started to get off the couch, but was stalled by Andy's arm on his._

"_I love the drawing Leo, I really do, but I need to tell you something," Andy replied, nodding her head to Traci indicating that she wanted to be the one to tell him._

"_What is it?"_

"_Honey, you know how I was in the hospital for a while because something happened at work?" Andy began to explain as Jerry and Sam came to stand where Traci had stood previously._

"_Yes, mommy told me you got hurt," Leo answered, looking at his mother for confirmation before looking back to Andy._

"_Right. Well I did get hurt, and unfortunately, so did the baby." Andy tried to explain, making Leo frown._

"_But why?" Leo sadly asked as Andy readied herself for the only form of explanation she could think of._

"_Honey…you should think of a pregnancy like seeds – remember how last spring we planted those seeds in our garden out back? Some of the seeds grew into beautiful flowers, and some didn't. Now the seed that grew inside my tummy - didn't grow well, and couldn't bloom."_

"_That's so sad, and now my drawing has made you sad." Leo sniffed when Andy framed his face with her hands._

"_Little man…I love your drawing, and I'm not sad because of your drawing. I'm sad because I miss the baby. Don't you ever think you did anything wrong Leo, because you didn't." Andy smiled at the little boy as he wrapped his arms around her stomach. She tucked his head under her chin and stroked his back, while looking over Leo towards Sam, and kissing him on the top of the head._

**If hope is born of suffering  
>If this is only the beginning<br>Can we not wait, for one hour  
>Watching for our Savior<br>**

"I let you down in the worst possible way imaginable." Sam sniffed as a tear cascaded down his cheek. The ducts had been opened, and he could finally let out what he'd spent so much time suppressing. Andy reached out, and wiped away the tear before cupping Sam's cheek in her hand.

"No, no. You haven't. You didn't. Sam listen to me…you have been everything I needed and more. After the baby, I had this weight in my heart that I didn't have before. But you have been nothing short of amazing through all of this. I wouldn't have made it through if it hadn't been for you. I love you." Andy's words hit home as Sam placed his hand on top of Andy's on his cheek, and turned it around before placing a soft kiss in the palm of her hand.

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know." Sam framed Andy's face with his hands before kissing her on the forehead.

"Come on…" Andy and Sam headed towards the stairs in search of their bedroom.

"_You were great with him," Sam said, placing his arms around Andy's shoulders as they stood on the porch watching Jerry, Traci and Leo drive off._

"_Yeah…" Andy bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes when Sam kissed her on the temple._

"_I wish I could take away your pain baby…" Sam sighed moving his arms to Andy's waist, encircling it with his strong arms._

"…_I know…I just feel so…lost, like everything that made sense before is falling apart. I don't feel anything at all really, I'm numb." Andy leaned her head against Sam's chest placing her hands on top of his which rested on her stomach._

"_If you get lost – I'll lead you back home," Sam promised._

"_I don't know what I would do without you, you know…" Andy whispered turning around in Sam's arms, looking up at him._

"…_I'm not going anywhere." Sam placed his forehead against Andy's when he heard her profess her love for him. _

"_I love you so much."_

"_I love you too," Sam stated, as Andy wrapped her arms around his waist and let him lead her back inside. _

**This is what it means to be held  
>How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life<br>And you survive  
>This is what it is to be loved and to know<br>That the promise was when everything fell We'd be held  
><strong> 

"_You feeling alright?" Sam asked with concern in his voice, wiping his mouth with the napkin._

"_Why do you ask?" Andy asked, gathering the boxes from the Chinese food that they'd devoured – or more precisely – Sam had devoured most of it. Chinese food and her upset stomach weren't a good combination these days._

"_Oh I don't know, maybe because you've been feeling dizzy for a while now. Did you go see the doctor?" Sam asked, clearly worried about her, while she put away the boxes before sitting down opposite him again._

"_How about a fortune cookie?" Andy placed a fortune cookie in front of Sam, but he blatantly ignored it and turned his inquisitive eyes on her._

"_I'd like an answer to my question…" Sam put the cookie aside not allowing her any room to dodge his question._

"…_And I'd like for my incredibly handsome husband to open his fortune cookie." Andy smiled, while moving the cookie back to its original spot in front of Sam._

"_This isn't over." Sam wriggled his finger in front of Andy, before picking up the fortune cookie, and breaking it in two. _

"_What does it say?" Andy asked impatiently biting down on her bottom lip in anticipation of Sam's reaction._

"_Aren't you curious, McNally…? Let's see." Sam chuckled as his face lit up in a huge grin displaying his dimples._

_**You will be a dad on 10/25/2014**_

"_It turned blue, it just turned blue, and my doctor confirmed it today…" Andy giggled upon seeing Sam's happiness displayed all over his face._

"…_You're pregnant?" Sam asked as he got up from his seat and walked towards where Andy was sitting._

"_Yup." Andy eagerly nodded her head in confirmation giggling._

"_We're gonna have a baby?" Sam asked while helping Andy to her feet and framing her face with his hands._

"_Yes." Andy laughed as Sam placed an arm on her lower back lifting her up while she wrapped her legs around his waist._

"_I love you so much." Sam grinned while Andy combed her fingers through his dark hair and their lips met in a passionate, openmouthed kiss. _

"_I love you too…daddy." Andy giggled as Sam carried her upstairs where they continued to celebrate the fantastic news._

"I'm sorry…" Andy's voice was barely a whisper, but Sam heard her. He turned his head on the pillow so that he could take in her features, despite the darkness of the bedroom.

"Andy?" Sam asked.

"…I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over again, like a mantra. Andy's body was wracked with sobs as she tried to control her breathing.

"…Hey, hey, hey…baby you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about," Sam insisted, searching for Andy's hand with his own on top of the covers.

"If you had married someone else - then you wouldn't be hurting right now…you would be a father…" Andy sniffed, trying to keep the tears from spilling, but to no avail.

"Andy don't do this…" Sam sighed lacing his fingers with hers on her chest.

"…If you'd stayed with Monica then you wouldn't be hurting right now. You would be happy." Andy clutched Sam's hand when she could feel him change his position on the mattress turning on his side, supporting his head with one hand, while keeping the other in Andy's grasp.

"You make me happy, Andy – Monica didn't. What Monica and I shared all those years ago doesn't even come close to what you and I have now. You're the woman I love, the woman I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, and if that life involves kids – great. And if it doesn't? That's fine too, all I care about is you and our marriage and our life together."

"You love kids – when I watch you with Leo, something inside me breaks. Because what if I can't give you that? What if I can't give you more than what you see? What if I'm not enough?" Andy felt Sam's touch as he dried her tears away.

"Listen to me, and I mean really listen to me. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'd love to have kids with you Andy, I would. But being with you means more – do you get that? I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I can live a life without kids. What I can't live without - is you." As Sam kissed the remainder of her tears away, he heard Andy take a deep breath.

"God I love you." Andy inhaled sharply when Sam lowered his head to hers and nuzzled her nose with his.

"I love you so much…" Sam moved his lips to hers meeting in an openmouthed kiss before wrapping his arms around her petite body engulfing her in his warm embrace. He rested his chin on top of Andy's head knowing that they'd be alright – they would be okay.

**We'd be held This is what it is to be loved and to know  
>That the promise was when everything fell We'd be held This is what it means to be held<strong>


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Déjà vu**

"Everything looks good Andy," Dr. Denson explained while Andy was getting dressed.

"You sure?" Andy asked while putting her arms through the sleeves of her cardigan.

"Definitely. But have you thought about what we discussed the last time you were here?" The doctor asked when Andy sat back down on the exam table.

"You mean…counseling?" Andy pronounced the last word as if it was venom in her mouth.

"I think you know what I mean," Dr. Denson replied.

"I don't think that's…" Andy started, but was cut off by the doctor.

"…Andy, you and your husband have been through an incredible ordeal. You're both faced with dire situations every day in your jobs. If you don't deal with this miscarriage properly, I'm afraid it could have disastrous consequences on your marriage," Dr. Denson replied knowing that Sam and Andy had made some headway, but they still had ways to go before they were back to normal.

"I just don't think it's necessary, is all." Andy kept on insisting, having no desire to spill her deepest thoughts with a complete stranger.

"Andy, you just got finished telling me that you had a breakdown in bed last night. Apologizing to Sam for being inadequate and telling him that he'd be better off with someone else. If that's not a cry for help, I don't know what is." The doctor kept on pushing, knowing from her own marriage how much damage losing a child could do to a relationship.

"I doubt Sam would go," Andy mumbled playing with her rings.

"Well, you won't know until you ask him. Now will you?" Dr. Denson replied, holding out a business card that read:

**Fiona Richardson, PhD, Psychiatrist **

"Listen, I…" Andy started to make an excuse, but was quickly cut off when the doctor grasped her hand and pressed the card firmly into her palm.

"…Think about it," The doctor stressed as Andy looked down at the referral in her hand.

"Alright." Andy finally conceded, tucking the card in the pockets off her jeans.

"Why don't we join your husband in the other room?" Dr. Denson suggested as she entered the office from the cubicle in which Andy had been examined.

"Sure…" Andy smiled politely as she followed in the doctor's footsteps, and was met by Sam's curious eyes. Sam rubbed Andy's back before they sat down next to each other opposite the doctor's desk.

"…So, what's the verdict?" Sam asked as he laced his fingers with Andy's, as if searching for something to hold on to.

"Like I just told Andy, the examination revealed that her body has healed up nicely." The doctor replied, facing them both with her glasses perched on the edge of her nose.

"That's good." Sam nodded his head repeatedly while letting the news sink in.

"It is. Now, with the fact that Andy miscarried, while in her first trimester, it's best to wait two to three months before attempting to get pregnant again. So, physically everything's in order for the two of you to try again," The doctor explained the specifics.

"Physically? How about…emotionally?" Sam asked, feeling the need to bring up the elephant in the room, while Andy just stared at him.

"Well, like I said: physically everything's in order. The emotional part is extremely important too, though. You need to have both factors in check before attempting to become pregnant again. It's very important that you talk about where you are emotionally - and also whether or not you're mentally ready to try to conceive." Dr. Denson explained.

"How do we do that? Find out if we are, you know, ready?" Sam asked, while Andy just continued to stare at him.

"Talk to each other – at a time where you are both rested, peaceful and open to communicating. It's a two-way street, so I implore you to talk it through before deciding anything – one way or the other. And most importantly, nurture your marriage; have a nice dinner together, go out dancing, try something new. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call my office." The doctor answered with a smile getting up from behind the desk, prompting Sam and Andy to do the same.

"Thank you doctor." Sam shook the doctor's hand followed by Andy, who'd remained silent ever since coming out of the exam room.

"Take care." Dr. Denson smiled while Sam and Andy made their way to the foyer.

"Are you alright?" Sam sighed, fingering the car keys in his hand once they were sitting in the truck.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" Andy countered, staring straight ahead, seemingly a million miles away.

"Maybe because you haven't said a word since we arrived? Not while I was in the room anyway." Sam replied, turning around in his seat to look at Andy.

"I just, I just have a lot on my mind." Andy answered, knowing as soon as the words had left her mouth how unfair she was being. _She _had a lot on her mind? What about _him_? What about Sam?

"Right…" Sam nodded his head scoffing before starting up the engine.

"…Sam…I…" Andy sighed, looking at him for the first time since leaving the doctor's office. But he didn't acknowledge her, he just pulled away from the curb and headed towards the barn.

* * *

><p>"Andy? What…what are you doing here?" Nick asked when he found her behind a desk at the barn the following day.<p>

"I work here, remember?" Andy answered with a smile before gathering the files before her and making her way to the photocopier.

"Of course, I mean, I know that, but…" Nick stammered, alerting Andy to the fact that something was wrong.

"Alright what is it?" Andy asked turning around to face Nick.

"…Nothing, it's just…" Nick started when they were interrupted by Traci and Chris.

"…Andy, what are you doing here?" Traci asked, repeating Nick's earlier question to her.

"Okay guys, for the very last time. What is going on?" Andy demanded.

"This is unlawful confinement – I know my Goddamn rights!" A familiar voice thundered, making Andy turn around to the direction from where the voice came. Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her, and she suddenly felt as if the wind had just been knocked out of her when she saw Dov and Gail dragging him towards an interrogation room. There he was, right in front of her. Eric Wiest – the man responsible for her and Sam losing their baby was here. He was here, and their baby wasn't.

"You okay? Andy? Andy?" Traci yelled after her friend, who followed in Wiest' wake, towards the interrogation room.

"What now?" Nick asked Traci with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Find Sam!" Traci ordered as she followed in Andy's direction.

* * *

><p>"Yeah?" Oliver bellowed, answering his cell with his mouth full of a BLT sandwich.<p>

"Hey. This is Collins. Is Sam with you?" Nick asked in a stammering voice – the circumstances that had led to Andy's miscarriage still following him around. Even though no senior officers came right out and said it, they did all still have biases against the ex-army police officer. His reckless behavior that day had led to Sam and Andy's despair.

"Excuse me?" Oliver replied haughtily, being one of the steadfast officers that still gave Collins a hard time – on and off the job. And why wouldn't he? He was best friends with Sam, and Andy was practically family now.

"Sorry. Is officer Swarek with you?" Collins amended, knowing that if he didn't call the senior officers by their official title there was hell to be had.

"Where else would he be? Disneyland?" Oliver shot back while looking to where his partner was standing. They'd made a stop at the very beach Sam had proposed to Andy on. Somehow, they always seemed to wind up there on their breaks whenever something had happened between them.

"No, of course not, Sir, it's just that…" Collins stammered, which made Oliver take pity on him and let him off the hook momentarily.

"…Breathe Collins," Oliver ordered. He could hear the officer take a deep breath before continuing.

"…Wiest has just been brought into the barn," Collins finally got out.

"And?" Oliver replied, not immediately connecting the dots.

"And… Andy saw him. She and Nash are right now outside the interrogation room watching Jerry interrogate him. Nash wanted me to get a hold of officer Swarek," Collins finally explained.

"Son of a…alright! We'll be there a.s.a.p.!" Oliver barked. He threw the remainder of his sandwich in the nearby trashcan before closing his cell and hollering at Sam.

"What's up?" Sam asked as he got behind the wheel.

"Your wife." Oliver blankly stated making a cold shiver go down Sam's spine – much like the day Andy had miscarried, and Oliver had called him.

"Is she alright?" Sam felt his heart skip a beat as he waited for Oliver's answer.

"Wiest has been brought into the barn…" Oliver began to relay the information he had just received as Sam put the car in drive. The tires screeched against the asphalt as he broke every speed limit trying to get to the barn in time, all the while muttering over and over,

"Son of a bitch!"

* * *

><p>"Andy. This is a very bad idea." Traci tried reasoning with her friend, who remained silent as they stood behind the two-way mirror watching as Jerry started cross-interrogating Eric Wiest.<p>

"This is a joke man! I had nothing to do with it!" Wiest shouted, banging his hand onto the table that stood between him and Jerry.

"That's not what our eyewitness account says," Jerry countered.

"I don't give a crap what some eyewitness says man! This is a trap! Pure and simple!" Wiest bellowed, pointing his finger at Jerry.

"A trap? What makes you think that?" Jerry snorted while opening up the file in front of him on the table.

"You know why. Because of that woman. The pregnant woman. The cop." Wiest punctuated each sentence with a nod of his head. Andy stood on the other side of the mirror as the past couple of months flashed before her eyes. Waking up in the hospital where Sam told her their baby was gone. The numbness she'd felt in her soul in the many weeks to come. The state her marriage had been in, her moving out of their home, moving back home after Leo's party, and the constant second-guessing of her abilities to carry another baby - Sam's baby, _their_ baby.

"Oh, you mean the woman, whose baby you killed?" Jerry remarked – the protectiveness he felt towards Andy having kicked into high-gear.

"I didn't kill any baby! It was that cop. It was that other cop! He should've known better. Besides…if she was pregnant, she shouldn't have been working in the first place! It's their own fault!" Wiest spat at Jerry. That comment jolted Andy to her core. She tore her eyes away from the two-way mirror, snatched the door open and took off, ignoring Traci's shouts out to her.

"Andy!" Traci's words fell on deaf ears, and she watched Andy tear open the door leading up to the roof of the division.

* * *

><p>"Sammy don't!" Oliver warned when Sam tore open the door to the interrogation room. Before Jerry or Oliver could react, Sam had Wiest in a death grip up against the wall.<p>

"What the hell man!" Wiest shrieked, trying to fight Sam off, to no avail. Sam had him pinned against the wall; one arm pressed across his jugular, while the other rested on the wall next to his head.

"Sammy!" Jerry tried reasoning with his friend, but Sam ignored him, just as he had ignored Oliver's warning pleas. He was in full Swarek-mode.

"That was my wife you pushed that day you little dimwit! We lost our baby that day! All because you couldn't restrain yourself from causing a shit storm!" Sam punctuated each sentence with a push against Wiest' jugular.

"Come on man." Wiest croaked out.

"I am not your man, asshole! And you better pray I never come across your ugly mug in a dark alley because I promise you - it won't end pretty for you. You keep your distance, you got me? You see her; you walk in the opposite direction. You see me, you run in the opposite direction. And if I see you doing anything even remotely illegal or being in close proximity of us – I make you this promise – it'll be the last thing you ever do! You got me? Man?" Sam's voice was filled with venom as he made Wiest realize that he'd pissed off the wrong man.

"I got it, I got it." Wiest shrieked as Sam pulled his arm away and he slumped onto the floor in a heap. Sam backed away and looked towards the door when he sensed that someone was standing in the doorway.

"Where is she?" Sam asked Traci, who could only stare at the gasping Wiest on the floor with clear red marks across his jugular.

"I…" Traci stammered trying to gather her thoughts. She was a cop. A cop. She should be opposed to this, but she wasn't. Because Andy was her friend, and Sam was the man who loved her friend. And he'd just proved that. In vivid detail.

"Nash!" Sam called, pulling Traci out of her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry. Upstairs. She's upstairs on the roof," Traci replied, as Sam ran towards the roof access.

"Who the hell…who the hell was that crazy bastard?" Wiest stuttered through a hoarse voice as all three cops looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

"WHO?" Jerry, Traci and Oliver shrugged before leaving the room together – none of them questioning that what had just happened, hadn't happened.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm sorry," Andy said quietly standing in the doorway of their bedroom.<em>

"_I know; me too." Sam smiled at her and sat back on the edge of the bed watching as she walked towards him with confidence in her stride._

"_It was a stupid thing to say," Andy admitted as she softly touched Sam's cheek in an apologetic gesture._

"_I didn't handle it much better." Sam replied, leaning into her touch as Andy straddled his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck._

"_I love you." Andy smiled as Sam framed her face with his hands._

"_I love you too," Sam replied as their lips met in a soft kiss. The kiss quickly grew deeper as Andy opened her mouth and their tongues mated. The groans escaping Sam's throat let Andy know that her husband wanted her just as much as she wanted him. It felt like ages since they'd been like that; open to each other, and with no dark clouds looming over their heads. She wanted him, and she wanted him now._

"_Make love to me." Andy whispered as they broke away from each other with bated breaths – their lips swollen from the intensity of the kiss. Sam's hands travelled to the collar of her cardigan, peeling it from her body. His lips kissed their way down to her throat, as Andy bent her head backwards allowing him more access. His lips and tongue explored, as his fingers undid the buttons on her shirt – one by one - before sliding it off her body sending it in the same direction as her sweater. _

"_You're so beautiful." Sam praised, her body with a smile before fastening his lips onto her throat again. Andy's fingers gripped his shirt from his pants making him raise his hands as she helped him out of it. Sam's hands traveled up her back supporting her, as he turned her around. Soon Andy was on her back on the bed with Sam on top, supporting his weight with his forearms careful not to crush her._

_Andy closed her eyes, as she felt Sam's lips move from her cheek, to her throat and down to her cleavage burying her fingers in his dark mane of hair. She loved his strong hands. Those hands were touching her everywhere he could get to. And right now they were rubbing her thighs eliciting several moans from her as she bit her bottom lip._

"_Let's try again…" Andy whispered suddenly close to Sam's ear._

"_What?" Sam pulled back from her neck wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue._

"_Let's try again." Andy repeated her earlier words in a sultry tone of voice sliding her hands down Sam's strong chest before ending up on his belt buckle. _

"_Andy…we can't." Sam's voice hissed out of his throat as Andy's feminine fingers undid his buckle and unzipped his pants._

"_I think we both know that's not true." Andy giggled, rubbing her torso against Sam's inciting a clear response from his lower region. _

"_Andy…" Sam's willpower was quickly fading away with each tantalizing kiss she applied to his neck with a flick of her tongue._

"…_Please Sam, I'm ready," Andy insisted. Her legs wrapped themselves around his waist as a deep sigh escaped his throat._

"_Well, I'm not..." Sam's words hit Andy like a bucket of ice cold water as she watched him move off her and put on his discarded shirt._

"_What?" Andy couldn't believe her own ears as she sat up straight on the bed. What had just happened?_

"…_and I don't believe you are either," Sam replied, turning around to face her, zipping his pants and tightening his belt again._

"_The doctor said…" Andy started, but was immediately cut off by Sam._

"…_I know what the doctor said. But she also said that we needed to be emotionally ready for this," Sam added, resting his back against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest._

"_Which we are." Andy insisted, pulling her discarded cardigan around her body. She suddenly felt uncomfortable in front of her own husband clad only in her bra._

"_Are we? If we're so ready, then why didn't you tell me about this?" Sam asked as he pulled out the card Andy had been given by her doctor earlier that day._

"_Where did you…?" Andy didn't know what consumed her most - the fact that Sam had invaded her privacy or the fact that he didn't want her anymore._

"_Find this? I didn't go rummaging through your pockets, if that's what you're thinking. You put it in one of the drawers in the kitchen, and I found it when looking for a notepad," Sam explained while Andy ran her fingers through her hair._

"_Why are you doing this?" Andy shook her head from side to side when Sam squatted down in front of her rubbing his hands over her thighs._

"_To help." Sam tried to look in to Andy's eyes, wanting to search for the real reasons, wanting to read her emotions, but she refused to look at him. _

"_To help?" Andy spat his words right back to him._

"_Yeah, I don't want to rush this alright? Especially considering how…" Sam couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence. He sighed as Andy pushed herself off the bed to create some distance between them._

"…_What? Say it. Especially considering how last time ended? That was what you were going to say, wasn't it? Well I'm sorry if having an inadequate, unattractive wife who can't carry a baby to term is such a problem for you Sam, but you weren't there! You weren't there when that animal pushed me, and you weren't there when the cramping's started. You weren't there Sam!" Tears streamed down Andy's face, but she didn't care. She thought she'd let that all go, but evidently she hadn't. She hated herself in this moment. Because in this moment she did, what she swore she'd never do. Blame him; blame Sam for not being there for her, when that was all he'd ever done. But she needed someone to blame, and he was there. Sam was there._

"_Andy…?" Sam reached out for her, but all she could do was shake her head as she backed away from him. Sam eyes beckoned her to stay, but she couldn't. She needed an escape, and she'd found it by locking the bathroom door behind her. Sam had pounded on the door for what seemed like hours – before finally they'd both succumbed to the sobs they'd carried around for too long. They slid down to the floor letting the emptiness of the room offer a cold comfort._

_Several hours later they were in bed. Andy had her back turned to Sam; her grip on the sheets was so strong that her knuckles had turned white. Sam was lying on his back staring up to the ceiling not knowing what to do with himself. He turned on his side and peered over her shoulder to see if she was asleep, but he knew before he looked that she wasn't. She was in pain. Pain over the loss of their baby, pain over her outburst, but most importantly pain over the fact that she thought he didn't want her anymore. And nothing could be further from the truth. He just didn't want them to pick up in the bedroom as if nothing had happened. Her body may have physically healed, but he didn't want to cause her any more pain than he already had. Truth be told he wasn't sure he was ready for it again. Who said that things would go according to plan this time? What if she miscarried again? Then he would be standing outside her hospital room again looking in on the pale and fragile woman he'd put in a position to end up like that in the first place._

"_Hey…you wanna talk?" Sam whispered, not daring to touch her. He watched Andy squirm to the farthest edge of the bed, sniffing and gathering the sheets tightly around her body. That would be a no._

* * *

><p>Sam could immediately tell that she'd been crying. Her hunched shoulders, and the way she was holding herself were classic signs of just that. He swiftly turned off his radio not wanting to scare her.<p>

Andy covered her mouth with her hand trying to silence any sobs that might emerge from her throat. She knew it was him. She knew Sam was there; she knew even without turning around. He was always there. The familiar feel of the hand on her shoulder let her know that it was okay. Andy turned around and let herself be pulled into his strong embrace. His protective hands wrapped themselves around her head as if shielding her from the outside world. They'd both come face to face with the embodiment of their fears, and slayed their demon, and now it was time to heal - together.

"It's over. It's over." Sam had never spoken truer words. Wiest may not be gone, but they had faced him head on. Not together, separately. But that didn't matter. They had faced the reason why their baby had died, and that was enough. It was a start.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – Counseling**

"You ready?" Sam placed his mug in the dishwasher before grabbing the keys off the table.

"Yeah…I'll be right out." Andy smiled as they briefly kissed. They were going to counseling today. She knew Sam was anything but excited about it, but they both knew that were they going to move forward; they needed some help. And Fiona Richardson; their therapist had proven to be nice enough – even for a therapist.

Andy closed the fridge, and came face-to-face with one of Leo's many drawings. He had made it for her and Sam back when they'd moved into their house; Picasso would be proud. Leo had drawn a house, and in front of it stood what was supposed to be her and Sam. Andy touched the drawing reverently, as she remembered that day - the day Sam had made one of her many dreams come true.

"_So what do you think?" Sam asked as he wrapped his arms around Andy's shoulders from behind, as they stood in the middle of their would-be living room._

"_I love it, I really love it. It's gorgeous!" Andy beamed as she let her eyes wander around the room fixated on the brown hardwood floors and the high ceiling. They had spent a long time looking, before being drawn to this 140 square meters custom built two story home, located in Toronto. It had 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a family kitchen complete with a cooking island. There was a small garden in the back along with a porch out front as well as a garage. They had both been enthralled with it the first time the realtor had shown them the house, and now by visit 4, they were completely in love with it._

"_So what's the verdict?" Their realtor, Diane Gordon, asked. She sensed her clients were on the verge of signing on the dotted line. Andy turned in Sam's arms, biting down on her bottom lip while nodding her head repeatedly. _

"_I think…we'll take it!" Sam grinned before taking a giddy Andy into his arms for a celebratory hug._

"_I'll let the owners know. Congratulations." Diane replied, walking outside to give them a little extra time in their new home._

"_So…you think we can be happy here? You and me?" Sam asked while looking into Andy's sparkling eyes._

"_I do, and besides…" Andy fingered the lapels of his jacket dragging out her sentence on purpose._

"…_What?" Sam asked, arching an eyebrow and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear._

"_Well…this house is big enough for more than just the two of us…you know?" Andy replied, wrapping her arms around his neck._

"_Ah…like who? Shaw?" Sam joked, which earned him a swat on the arm by Andy._

"_No! As long as Shaw refrains from visiting strip clubs anymore he's in good graces with Zoe. Besides I want you all to myself now," Andy replied in a husky tone of voice while drawing Sam closer._

"_Oh really? Maybe we should…you know…practice then…?" Sam countered with a wicked glow in his eyes, hovering his mouth right over Andy's, feeling the texture of her lips._

"_In anticipation for the pitter-patter of little feet running across these hardwood floors? Besides, practice makes perfect right?" Andy nibbled at his lips as Sam buried his fingers in her brown locks._

"_Couldn't have said it better myself baby…" Sam whispered as he caught her mouth in a sizzling hot kiss, forgetting for a minute that technically they were still on someone else's property._

* * *

><p>"For me - I think not knowing is the hardest part. Not knowing what the miscarriage meant to Sam. If he still wants the same things out of this marriage that I want, if he still finds me sexy, if he still wants <em>me<em>." Andy murmured and fidgeted nervously with her rings – a move that didn't go unnoticed by the therapist.

"How could you not know that?" Sam asked stunned. He turned in his seat to look at her.

"The other night springs to mind." Andy replied in a frustrated tone of voice, remembering how inadequate and unattractive she'd felt that night following Sam's rejection.

"What happened the other night?" The therapist asked, looking at Sam sensing that if anyone were to explain to her what had happened that night, it would be him. It was obvious that Andy was still confused and frustrated about that night.

"We, I, we…" Sam stammered, before Andy interrupted him.

"Basically Sam shot me down in the bedroom!" Andy exclaimed while glaring at Sam briefly before lowering her eyes to her lap and fidgeting with her fingers once more.

"Is that what you think?" Sam asked, stunned.

"I was there – so it's something I know," Andy insisted. She refused to look at him, knowing herself well enough to know that if she looked into Sam's brown pools she would lose her nerve.

"Andy…" Sam sighed from the back of his throat as Fiona Richardson stood up and walked to the opposite side of the room, all the while watching them intently.

"Alright. Let's try something else. Turn your chairs around so that you're facing each other. Go ahead," the doctor instructed before sitting down on a chair in front of them, sensing that she'd gotten to the core of the matter. It wasn't unusual either; for one of the spouses to either feel unattractive or to try to push for something to happen when the other person wasn't ready yet. She sensed both areas were applicable when it came to Sam and Andy's relationship. It was about communication - pure and simple.

"Now what?" Andy asked defeatedly looking at the doctor for answers.

"Identification is the first step to recovery," Fiona Richardson replied, earning a pair of glares from her patients.

"Okay…" Sam drew out the syllables making his disbelief in psychiatry palpable. Truth be told he was in that office every week for Andy, _everything_ he did these days was for her.

"Sam. When you look at Andy – who do you see?"

"Excuse me?" Sam asked, looking at the doctor for clarification.

"Who. Do. You. See?" The therapist asked, enunciating each word decisively.

"Who do I see? I see a beautiful woman, who tries really hard every single day to do her best in an impossible situation. I see a beautiful, but broken person who I love more than I've loved anyone in my entire life…but I also see a woman who's hurting because of me. Because I couldn't protect her." Sam whispered his final words and Andy's head whipped up swiftly. She studied him intently and in that moment she saw him for who he was - a man in pain because the woman he loved was in pain.

"What are you talking about? All you do is protect me." Andy grasped Sam's hands in hers compelling him to look her in the eyes.

"Sam?" Dr. Richardson said, gently encouraging him to answer Andy's question.

"If all I do is protect you, then I've been doing a pretty sloppy job at it lately. If I'd protected you, if I'd protected our family, like I was supposed to, then we wouldn't be sitting here now – would we?" Sam replied averting his gaze back to the floor, unable to look Andy in the eyes, feeling like an utter disappointment.

"So you feel like you've failed, Sam? Like you've let Andy down?" the therapist asked.

"What do you think, doc? I go out on the streets every day, protecting the people of this town. But when push came to shove I couldn't even protect my own family, and our baby paid the price. I couldn't even keep my damn wedding vows." Sam pinched his nose sniffing – not even realizing that his eyes had started to tear up.

"_I, Sam, take you, Andy, to be my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want; in times of sickness and in times of heal; in times of joy and in times of sorrow; in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you; to care and protect you; to comfort and encourage you; and stay with you, for all eternity."_

Sam could still remember his heart doing tailspins on him as he watched Tommy McNally walk his little girl down the aisle that afternoon. Andy had looked radiant in her dress, and when he'd said those vows to her, he'd meant them with all of his heart. But right now he felt like the biggest loser ever, because he hadn't protected her. He'd let her down – her and the baby both. And it was killing him.

"_I, Andy, take you, Sam, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you; laugh with you and cry with you; love you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live."_

Andy remembered clutching onto her dad's arm for support as they'd walked down the aisle towards Sam that day. He looked so handsome, and every time he'd looked at her with that smile of his – with dimples in full flourish - her heart would do a double take. It hurt more than she could say that he thought he'd let her down, because he hadn't. He had saved her, and he kept on saving her, every single day. If anything, she had let him down. She had promised to laugh and cry with him despite the obstacles they might face. Yet what had she done? The exact opposite. Andy had pushed him away, _blamed him_, for goodness sakes. She had even moved out – however brief their separation had been - but she had still left him, and broken her vows. Maybe that is what Dr. Richardson meant by _identification being the first step to recovery. _Maybe they needed to face their doubts and guilt before being able to move forwards. Maybe that was the key?

"You're not the only one who made vows in that church Sam. And you're not the only one, who feels like you've broken them. I feel just as guilty as you do. I made promises that day, just like you did. I didn't stay; I left. I left just like…" Andy took a deep breath, unable to believe who she'd turned into. She had turned into her mother – no matter how much she didn't want to admit it, but she had left too.

"Andy?" Sam asked, placing his hand on top of her leg squeezing lightly. Andy lifted her head and looked straight into Sam's questioning gaze before continuing her sentence – tears glistening in her eyes.

"…Like my mother. The circumstances may have been very different, but I still left you Sam. I left our home, and I will never forgive myself for hurting you like that. But you, Sam, you never let me down. I doubt, you ever could." Andy smiled through her tears and cupped his cheek in her hand while sniffing her own tears back.

"You left because you needed space, Andy, and I understand that. You came back though. We're together now, and I am never letting you go again," Sam promised, drying a tear from her face with the back of his hand.

"You aren't omniscient Sam. You can't protect us from everything, but I know in my heart…" Andy emphasized her point by grasping his hand in hers and placing it on her heart before continuing.

"…I know that you'd give your life for mine, and that's only one of the many reason why I love you so damn much." Andy smiled through her tears, as she watched her words hit home with him.

"You've both taken great strides today. It has become clear why Sam may have acted as he did the other night. It has become equally clear that you've both been through an incredible ordeal and the only natural thing is to question yourself, and your relationship. You both believe you've broken your vows, but let me be the sage one here, and say that you haven't. There are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You've reached the final stage – not to say you won't still have times of sadness, but you've come out on the other side, and have begun communicating. And that's the essential thing. Now being intimate together, for the first time after a miscarriage, is a big step. Getting familiar with each other again is also a big step, so you need to be honest with each other about what you want, but more importantly, about what you don't want. Communication is the key here," the therapist replied. She smiled as she watched Sam turn Andy's hand over and kissed the inside of her wrist.

* * *

><p>"Who is Traci to you, Andy?" Fiona asked, sensing there was a deep connection between the two women.<p>

"Trace is, well…she's my best friend. We met while in high school," Andy replied simply, leaving out the teenage pregnancy; she didn't see how that applied to her and Sam's situation.

"Go on." The therapist encouraged her, knowing that Andy was holding something back.

"Traci had a teenage pregnancy. And I guess we, we connected of sorts. She didn't have any support from the father, and her mother wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of becoming a grandmother at that time and I guess, I kind of stepped in, and helped out…"

"You and Traci were both 16 at the time?" the therapist asked. She knew Andy's backstory with how her mother left her and her father when she'd been 12; Fiona Richardson had no doubt in her mind that that particular situation had paved the road that Andy found herself on now. She was determined to be the best wife and mother she could be, no doubt to destroy any chances of becoming like her mother.

"That's right." Andy nodded her head remembering full-well how she held Leo after his birth and how she gazed upon his chubby face, and instantly knew that she'd be a part of his life – forever. She'd been right – now 10 years later – she was his honorary aunt.

"_Is your biological clock ticking away as we speak?" Traci grinned, sleepily, watching Andy rock her baby boy to sleep._

"_Oh please, Trace! My dad would nail my door shut! I don't think so. But who wouldn't think about it looking into the face of this angel?" Andy chuckled as she placed the baby back in his bassinet. _

"_He's beautiful isn't he?" Traci smiled as she watched Andy carefully disentangle her forefinger from Leo's strong grasp._

"_He's gorgeous. Any word from Dex yet?" Andy asked, knowing that Traci still had faith in him. However, he'd been AWOL for several weeks now, and wasn't answering the several messages they'd left for him all day._

"_Nope. His loss." Traci tried to act as if it didn't faze her that Dex had abandoned them, but it did. Andy knew that, but she wouldn't push it – not tonight._

"_Exactly! His loss," Andy agreed._

"It's an awfully young age to have that amount of responsibility on your shoulders. Not to mention that you're still, to this day, struggling with abandonment issues – following your mother leaving you and your father all those years ago," Fiona replied.

"Maybe you're right…" Andy sighed, nodding her head. She remembered a few days back when her friendship with Traci had stood the ultimate test.

"_Hey…you look awful!" Andy exclaimed after meeting up with Traci in the locker room, following a very long shift, a couple of days earlier._

"_Thanks! Love you too, McNally!" Traci quipped back with a small smile in place._

"_Sorry…are you coming down with something?" Andy asked contritely while fixing her hair into a messy bun on the back of her head._

"_**Something** is right…" Gail retorted from a neighboring locker._

"_GAIL!" Traci scolded her colleague. She then realized that Gail seeing her puking on the side of the road earlier today was just about the worst thing that could've happened. Gail had a bigger mouth than Dov and Chris combined – if that was even possible._

"_Alright…what's going on?" Andy asked, slamming her locker shut and staring her best friend down._

"_Talk to you later…" Gail whistled, as she strolled out of the locker room leaving Traci and Andy alone._

"_Trace? What is it? You're not seriously ill are you?" Andy asked, immediately alarmed at Traci's inability to tell her what was wrong – something that had never occurred before._

"_You know I love you, right? And that I'd never do anything intentionally to hurt you?" Traci asked. She felt like she was about to tell Andy bad news, when it in fact was good news, or at least she hoped it would be. She couldn't do it without her; not without Andy._

"_Okay, Trace – now you've officially started to freak me out. What's wrong?" Andy asked, rubbing both of Traci's arms in a soothing gesture._

"_I'm…I'm, uh…I'm pregnant." Traci's eyes began to well up with tears as she confessed the truth to her best friend. She'd sworn Jerry to secrecy on this pregnancy until she'd told Andy. She didn't want her to hear it from the jungle drums of 15 Division. _

"_How could you do this to me?" Andy exclaimed, feeling like the walls were caving in on her. Traci was pregnant. Not her. Traci. She already had Leo, and now Andy was supposed to sit back and watch **Traci** have the future she and Sam were supposed to have? _

"_Andy, I'm sorry. I am oh so sorry. I know how much you've been through with your miscarriage, and you and Sam are barely hanging on, and now with me being pregnant…" The minute the words left Traci's mouth, Andy realized how unfair she was being. The world didn't stop revolving because she had miscarried. Traci was her friend, her best friend - like a sister really, and here she was making her feel bad for bringing a baby into the world. What the hell was wrong with her?_

"_No, no, stop, stop. Just…stop. Okay. I'm the one who should apologize, Trace. This is supposed to be a happy occasion, and here I am making you feel awful for being pregnant. This is great Trace, really great," Andy assured Traci, pasting on her best **"I'm fine"** face for her friend. She was far from being fine about it, but this wasn't about her – it's was about them; Traci, Jerry and Leo._

"_Andy…" Traci uttered Andy's name on a whisper while grasping her hand in hers and squeezing it tight._

"_Trace, I am so happy for you. Really…for you and Jerry and Leo." Andy smiled as she watched Traci take in what she'd just said. _

"_You are? You don't hate me?" Traci asked with disbelief in her voice. She couldn't shake the hurt she'd seen in Andy's eyes merely a few minutes before, but was thankful that, per usual, her friendship with Andy had proved stronger than her own uncertainties._

"_Hate you? You're going to make me an aunt – again. Trace, you're having a baby!" Andy pulled Traci into a hug wrapping her arms around her neck. She was truly happy for her friend, even if deep down she was still reeling from the after- effects of her own miscarriage. However this was good news, and she needed some good news._

"_I love you," Traci laughed clutching Andy in closer._

"_I love you too," Andy smiled. She didn't know if the tears forming in her eyes were happy or not, but at that point it really didn't matter._

"Traci's pregnancy. Tell me Andy, how did you feel when she told you she was pregnant?" Fiona asked.

"Jealous, guilty, upset – take your pick. Doctor, I love Traci. She's like a sister to me; but in that moment - when she told me she was pregnant - I felt like she'd betrayed me." Andy answered the question earnestly, recalling just how she'd felt standing in that locker room with Traci a couple of days ago.

"How did you go from those emotions - jealousy, guilt, anger to just being happy for your friend?" the therapist asked.

"I guess…I guess I just realized that things have been revolving around what we lost for so long. The world doesn't just revolve around us. While I don't think I'll ever really get 100 % past it, I can't keep on dwelling on the past. Our baby is gone, and has been for a while now. It's time we looked forward towards the future. I don't know what it's going to bring, but I'm just so tired of living in this darkness. I hate it, and I don't want to stay there any longer. I don't," Andy admitted. Then looking into Sam's eyes meeting his gaze, she realized that she was really _seeing_ him, and for the first time in months actually being completely honest. She let a small shy almost hopeful smile adorn her face at this revelation.

"Look, I'm only as intelligent as the diplomas on my walls, but here's a thought – maybe you've psyched yourself up about impending motherhood to such a degree, that you think you have to get pregnant right away, in order to fulfill some hidden desire within you. My suggestion is this: let your hair down, have some fun, enjoy each other. Responsibility will come soon enough. A night out on the town might not be too bad an idea either," the therapist smiled.

"You mean, like a date?" Andy asked with an arched eyebrow, as if the prospect of going out on a date with Sam was something she'd never done before.

"Might not be such a bad idea," Sam replied, squeezing Andy's hand.

"Maybe not." Andy shrugged her shoulders as they stood up and moved their chairs back to their right place, and faced the therapist who was once again sitting behind her desk.

"Tell me something – when is the last time the two of you did something really foolish together?" Fiona asked, placing her hands on her desk.

"With all due respect we've known each other for 5 years, we have been married for 2, and we're police officers. We don't have the luxury of being foolish," Andy objected, unable to recall the last time they'd done something to that degree together.

"_Everyone_ gets to be foolish," the therapist insisted looking at her watch, confirming that they were nearly out of time.

"Even us?" Andy asked out loud.

"Even us." Sam replied with a nod, looking at her with a smile, as they laced their fingers together.

"Now, we're nearly out of time, so let's end this session as we have every week. Andy, tell me some of the things you love about Sam." Dr. Richardson smiled feeling like they'd made some real headway these past few weeks, and that made her happy. She could see that they loved each other deeply, and that made her have faith – not just in them, but in marriage itself.

"I…I love that he's here with me every week without fail. I love that he's showing his true feelings about the miscarriage, and I love that he's so protective of me and of the people around him. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have him in my life." Andy smiled at Sam, as he brought their laced fingers up to his lips for a tender kiss.

"Sam?"

"I love that Andy holds herself to a higher standard, I love how she puts herself last, and I love the way she makes me feel when she looks at me with those brown eyes of hers." Sam smiled as Andy rolled her eyes.

"Alright enough of this!" Andy giggled, having gotten more than enough of her dose of mushy sentiments from her husband to last her at least the rest of the week.

"You two are going to be okay, I really think so." the therapist replied, as they were headed for the door.

"Thanks," Andy smiled, as she and Sam walked out.

"Now remember: something foolish until next time!" the doctor reminded them on their way out.

* * *

><p>"Sam, what are we doing here?" Andy giggled as he tugged her towards the entrance gate to the outdoor swimming pool at the local health center.<p>

"Being foolish." Sam raised his eyebrows looking around to make sure no one had seen them.

"It's closed," Andy stated when she found the gate locked.

"Yeah, that's sort of the idea, McNally," Sam replied while grinning at her.

"You're not suggesting we…?" Andy started, suddenly realizing just what Sam had in mind.

"You bet I am," Sam answered eagerly, nodding his head.

"Sam! That's illegal! We could get into a lot of trouble for this!" Andy exclaimed frantically.

"Oh my Gawd!" Sam exclaimed, touching his chest in a mock-like-gesture, feigning being outraged.

"Sam, come on." Andy whimpered, as he pulled her the last couple of feet to the fence. It was then that they came face-to-face with a sign reading:

**Warning! $500 fine or 6 months in jail or both for entering pool or premises when closed. **

"See! Frank will have us on suspension in a heartbeat if we're caught," Andy hissed looking pointedly at the warning.

"A) You're wrong B) we won't get caught and C) we've made it through a suspension before, McNally." Sam grinned as he bent down in front of her, and laced his fingers together to form a step, offering her a boost.

"Oh God…" Andy rolled her eyes sighing from the back of her throat. She placed one hand on Sam's shoulder, while the other grabbed onto the fence. He hoisted her up before climbing the fence himself.

* * *

><p>"If we get caught, I swear…" Andy threatened while unbuttoning her shirt, temporarily mesmerized by the sight of Sam undressing in front of her.<p>

"We won't." Sam promised with a cheeky smile, as they both dispensed of their shoes, socks and pants.

"Right," Andy rolled her eyes, "because the great Sam Swarek says so." She sighed while loosening her bun and let her hair cascade down her shoulders.

"Pretty much, yeah." Sam nodded his head arrogantly.

"If they prosecute us with criminal intent, that's considered a misdemeanor, and we could lose our jobs. I don't even want to think about what kind of fine or jail time that involves. I'd end up with some celly named Bertha, while you'd be stuck in a cell 24/7 with someone named Tiny…" Andy's mind began doing tailspins as to the worst-case scenarios.

"Sounds like you have it all figured out." Sam grinned, as they stood clad in their underwear.

"What?" Andy asked when Sam's eyes bore into hers and his dimples were on full display.

"What?" Sam asked, shrugging his shoulders playing innocent, as he walked towards her grinning.

"Sam, don't. No, no, no, no, no, no…" Andy backed towards the pool, as Sam advanced towards her.

"I love it when you beg." Sam grinned raising his eyebrows.

"Sam!" Andy shrieked as they stumbled into the pool – his arms wrapped around her waist as they were engulfed by the warm water.

"Much better." Sam grinned as they came up for air, and Andy splashed water in his face, giggling.

"You're an ass!" Andy exclaimed as he gathered her in his arms.

"Very true." Sam grinned as their lips met in a tender kiss that quickly grew intimate as the laughing subsided and Andy threw her arms around his neck. Sam's hands traveled to the clasp of her bra, which he undid with practiced ease. With a loud thud the bra landed on the side of the pool, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, while he engulfed her in his strong embrace – both oblivious to the footsteps coming from the entranceway.

"Ah geez!" Dov exclaimed, as he and Chris came face-to-face with their friends frolicking in the pool.

"Oh my God!" Andy yelped, clinging to Sam; she turned her back to her two friends in blue.

"Fellas. Do you mind?" Sam snapped, as Chris had picked up Andy's discarded bra with his baton. Chris blanched and quickly threw the item towards Sam's outstretched hand.

"We'll wait out by the cruiser," Dov announced dragging Chris along.

"You and your great ideas!" Andy grumbled as she fastened her bra.

"You know? I just realized something," Sam replied while rubbing his face.

"That you're an ass?" Andy wise-cracked, looking into the grinning face of her husband.

"This therapy thing ain't half bad." Sam winked, as he encircled a giggling Andy in his arms hugging her tighter.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Never Stop**

"Andy! We're gonna be late!" Sam yelled up the stairs while consulting his watch for what seemed like the umpteenth time that evening.

"Hold your horses, Swarek!" Andy demanded. Appearing on the top of the stairs she placed her hand on the banister of the staircase before beginning her descent down the stairs the sight of her took Sam's breath away.

"Wauw…" Sam breathed, as he took in the sight of her. Everything fit her like a glove; from the black, strappy sandals to the little black dress she was wearing. Unbeknownst to Sam, Andy and Traci had been out shopping for precisely the exact outfit for tonight. The two friends had looked for something that would knock the copper off his feet, and they'd found it with this dress. It was a black, ruffled, sleeveless draped dress with a wrap-around closure on the front. It reached Andy right above the knees. For tonight, Andy let her wavy, brown locks hang free - just the way she knew he preferred it.

"So I take it you approve then?" Andy gingerly twirled around at the bottom of the stairs, showing off her attire to him.

"_More_ than approve." Sam grinned, as he took her in his arms, and she clasped her arms around his neck.

"Oh yeah?" Andy giggled, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Most definitely." Sam eagerly nodded his head before softly kissing Andy on the lips. Before the kiss could turn into something more she stepped out of his embrace, reminding him what tonight was about.

"I believe you promised me a romantic evening Mr. Swarek. You know, wining and dining and…I for one, can't wait!" Andy stated tightening Sam's tie before grabbing her grey shawl off the dresser, in the hallway along with her black clutch purse.

"Rain check?" Sam grinned lasciviously as he offered his hand to her.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Andy smiled while entwining her fingers with his, as they made their way to the truck.

_**This is my love song to you  
>Let every woman know I'm yours<br>So you can fall asleep each night, babe  
>And know I'm dreaming of you more<br>**_

"Watch your step," Sam cautioned Andy, as he led her – blindfolded - away from the truck, and to the surprise he'd planned for them. She had never been big on surprises, and the fact that Sam was in charge of the date that was intended to jumpstart their new beginning had her – not worried - but…anxious.

"Easy for you to say," Andy grumbled, as her grasp on his hand grew tighter. Sam's other hand was securely wrapped around her tiny waist intent to protect her, as he'd always done.

"Here's a step down," Sam warned as Andy felt the stilettos of her sandals sinking into the sand. Somehow she immediately knew where they were. The crash of the waves, the smell of the ocean and the feel of the sand drew all of her senses to attention. They were where it all had begun. _Their_ place; the place where Sam had asked her to marry him, the beach.

They walked for a couple of minutes more before their progress stopped, and she felt both of his arms encircling her waist from behind. The warmth of his cheek grazed hers, and she knew they'd reached their destination. Andy felt his fingers tugging at the scarf covering her eyes, and suddenly it drifted from her eyes, and she was brought face-to-face with the surprise.

* * *

><p>It was a still evening, and the wind barely moved. A table was placed a few feet from where they stood, draped in white, adorned with candles, and set for a romantic evening for two. A maître d stood next to the table, awaiting them with a white cloth draped over his arm.<p>

"Sam…" Andy was rendered speechless. At that point in time she was unable to form words that could describe what the sight before her meant to her; nor the overwhelming feelings that the thought and consideration going into planning the surprise had evoked in her.

"Let's go," Sam whispered, intertwining their fingers, as they made their way towards the table.

_**You're always hoping that we make it  
>You always want to keep my gaze<br>Well you're the only one I see  
>And that's the one thing that won't change<br>**_

"This is great," Andy mused an hour later as she looked around and took in her surroundings. With the ocean's blue hue glittered only a few yards away, the black darkness of night interrupted only by the bright twinkling stars above and most of all the warm love and safety of Sam's arms ensconcing her, she embraced the feelings of contentment, security and happiness, for the first time in what seemed like ages.

"So, are you happy, eh?" Sam questioned tentatively while enveloping her soft hands in his rough ones from across the table.

"Happier than I've been in a really long time. Yeah," Andy admitted nodding her head with a contended sigh.

"Is everything to your liking?" The maître d asked after Sam and Andy had finished with their main course, as he removed the dishes.

"It's been wonderful, thank you," Andy replied. The maître d smiled and sauntered off leaving them alone to enjoy their wine.

"You seem…I don't know…different." Sam stated not being able to pinpoint _exactly_ what was different about her – he just knew _something_ had changed with her – and that…it wasn't a bad thing, he assumed.

"I feel different, too. I mean, I know we still have a ways to go, but I feel…I don't know?...Lighter in some way?... Like all of the worries, concerns, sadness has lessened themselves somehow," Andy admitted as Sam moved to sit next to her.

"So, maybe the counseling wasn't such a bad idea after all, eh?" Sam asked while caressing Andy's bare arm, rubbing a soothing pattern into it, earning him a bright grin from her.

"Maybe not," she acquiesced, "but I'll tell you something else Swarek: I'm not breaking any more laws in order to rekindle our marriage." She raised one eyebrow in a questioning and daring mannerism, "Never again." Andy giggled, as they shared a soft, agreeing kiss.

_**I'll never stop trying  
>I'll never stop watching as you leave<br>I'll never stop losing my breath  
>Every time I see you looking back at me<br>I'll never stop holding your hand  
>I'll never stop opening your door<br>I'll never stop choosing you babe  
>I'll never get used to you<strong>_

"I've got something for you," Sam explained, as he pulled out a black, rectangular jewelry box and placed it in front of her.

"What's this?" Andy questioned, fingering the jewelry box and looking at him warily for answers.

"Open up and find out." Sam instructed, as his voice remained impassive. Watching her curious eyes as she examined the box, her fingers skimming over the suede, he held his breath as she found the release mechanism.

"Sam…it's beautiful." Andy sucked in a breath and was taken aback by the sight before her. A sterling silver bracelet complete with stones and butterfly pendants lay in the box. In the middle of the bracelet lay a small note that read:

_**All my hopes and dreams  
>Now carried on butterfly wings<strong>_

"It's a memorial bracelet," Sam explained sheepishly. "The idea is to always have a memory of our baby close by. According to my dear sister…"

"Sarah helped you with this?" Andy asked, still mesmerized by the bracelet in front of her.

"Well," Sam shrugged "She has been kicking my ass ever since the miscarriage, and when I told her I wanted to give you - us something to remember our baby by, 'miss Genius' came up with this," Sam explained as Andy smiled. Her sister-in-law did have very strong opinions, in particular about Sam, and what he should or shouldn't do. Luckily enough, she and Sarah had always been on the same page, so what Sarah encouraged Sam to do fell in perfect tune with what Andy wanted him to do or say.

"I wouldn't expect any less." Andy smiled as he continued to explain the meaning behind the bracelet.

"Anyway…according to Sarah, the butterfly has been a powerful symbol across many cultures for ages. It's a symbol of transformation, of the spirit and the soul, and of the unending cycle of life and death." Sam explained the concepts as Andy fingered the clasp of the bracelet, which ironically enough, was a butterfly.

"_Sammy listen up…the metamorphosis of the butterfly is a powerful symbol in so many ways for us when we are grieving. They are the beautiful, tiny spark of life that comes to us, lighting our lives for a too brief a moment, before fluttering away. They are the hope that when loss enters our life it can transform into something more; that can transform – into something different, real - something beautiful. We may not be the same at the end of our journey, but we will have grown, and we will be able to see things that we could not before. They hold the hope that each of __**us**__ have the ability to transform, into something new, into something better. If it's what you want you __**will**__ be able to hold a baby in your arms one day," Sarah implored. She had recalled those words, or some variation of them, from a website she found through her own ordeal, but he didn't need to know that._

"_Of course it is; I know that." Sam shrugged, feigning a calm indifference towards what she had just said, while shrugging his shoulders, which elicited a giggle from his sister._

"_Listen up, little brother. If you give this bracelet to Andy, I'll guarantee you, she'll love you for it," Sarah promised._

"_Hey, Sarah?" Sam asked._

"_Yeah, Sammy?" Sarah replied._

"_I love you." _

"_I love you too, Sammy," she replied with a secret wink. _

"Now let me see if I can remember it – these two stones…" Sam pointed out a light pink and a light blue stone, but stopped mid-sentence almost kicking himself for having forgotten the meaning behind the two sets. Andy, sensing his hesitation, decided to continue.

"Let me see if I can help out. The rose quartz is – I believe - a stone of love and healing. It's said that whoever wears it is to be healed from their loss. It's able to ease their anger, hurt, pain and fears - it promotes forgiveness. The other stone is blue lace agate; it's a protective stone, and is said to protect us during our grief, to reflect negativity, but also to protect us during a time of vulnerability and grief. It's a stone of hope, cleansing and harmony," Andy recalled. She nearly laughed out loud at the sight of Sam, speechless and gaping before her.

"How in the world did you know that?" Sam asked, surprised.

"I had a teacher back in High School, who was very enthralled with the spiritual world, and so forth, and I got hooked on it as well, to some degree. Especially the significance behind the things, like these stones, and the effect they could have on you," Andy explained, remembering her high school teacher very well. Doris Landry had even encouraged Andy to not look at what her mother had done as abandonment, but as a second chance.

"I'm surrounded by geniuses…" Sam scoffed, earning him a light shove in the ribs by Andy.

"Go on, I want to learn more about my gift," Andy insisted, folding her hands underneath her chin and focusing on only Sam.

"I had the shop add this yellow stone especially…" Sam explained pointing to a yellow stone on the bracelet.

"If I'm not mistaken, then that's an opal…?" Andy asked hopefully. She hoped that it was, because she knew what it meant, and as her eyes moved towards his hopefully she saw his nod.

"That's right," Sam affirmed "The opal is also a birthstone – for the month of October." Sam explained as she gazed into his eyes,

"Our baby's due date." Andy whispered, and he noticed a couple of tears making their way down her cheek.

"Hey, hey, hey…no tears. Remember - this is supposed to be the start of something new." Sam whispered, hoping to remind her. He dried the tears away with the back of his hand before framing her face with his hands.

"It is. It is good. These are the happy tears." Andy sniffed, and stretched out her arm, indicating that he should put the bracelet around her wrist.

"Here we go," Sam replied, as he picked up the bracelet, and placed it around her wrist before closing the butterfly clasp.

"God, it's beautiful." Andy was in awe of it, reveling in the sparkle that illumed from turning her wrist from side to side as she admired her gift.

"Perfect fit." Sam grinned when she clasped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek gratefully.

"Thank you," Andy whispered, before closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his.

_**And with this love song to you  
>It's not a momentary phase<br>You are my life, I don't deserve you  
>But you love me just the same<br>And as the mirror says we're older  
>I will not look the other way<br>You are my life, my love, my only  
>And that's the one thing that won't change<strong>_

As they heard the music from the adjacent apartment filter into theirs, Sam implored Andy to dance with him. Once comforted in his embrace she looked at him questioningly. The look in his eyes was unreadable – if she had to guess she would have thought a mixture of reverence, love, confusion and hesitation.

"What," she questioned somewhat hesitantly. Sam looked at her for a long while before answering. His dark eyes searched as he awaited her answer.

"It's nothing," Andy answered, with a shake of her head. Sam held her impossibly tighter.

"Tell me," he implored. He felt as if he was teetering between the brink of full disclosure and the unknown.

"Sam," Andy breathed, "It's just…" Sam kissed her forehead and nuzzled his nose in her hair before he breathed out, "I know baby, I know."

"This is nice." Andy sighed with closed eyes. Her head was tucked beneath his chin. They swayed in tune with the music reaching their ears from the nearby party.

"I've missed this; I've missed _us,_" Sam replied, tightening his hold on Andy.

"I've missed this too," Andy agreed, "We've wasted so much time." She said as she looked into his eyes.

"Then let's not waste any more," Sam decided, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"What did you have in mind, Mr. Swarek?" Andy asked teasingly, biting down on her bottom lip.

"A rain check." Sam suggested. As he waved the maître d over with the bill paying, he pulled Andy into his arms and thanked her for the perfect evening when receiving his receipt he pulled Andy into the parking lot and kissed her thoroughly. When she looked up at him her eyes were darker, sensual but also filled with more.

"You wanna go home now?" Sam asked.

"You read my mind." Andy giggled, as they made their way to the truck.

_**I'll never stop trying  
>I'll never stop watching as you leave<br>I'll never stop losing my breath  
>Every time I see you looking back at me<br>I'll never stop holding your hand  
>I'll never stop opening your door<br>I'll never stop choosing you babe  
>I'll never get used to you<strong>_

"You need some assistance there, _copper_?" Andy giggled, as they were standing in the center of the living room, where Sam's patience with her dress was at an all-time low. It might look sexy on her, but getting her out of it was a completely different task.

"What is this? An armored suit?" Sam asked exasperatedly before he felt Andy's soft hands on his.

"Let me, _oh wise one_." Andy teased as her fingers undid the clasp on the side of the dress, revealing her lovely body to his piercing gaze. Sam slid the dress off of her as easily as a second skin, and the dress pooled at her feet, leaving her standing in front of him clad in black lace lingerie and her strappy sandals.

"You're gorgeous." Sam whispered matter-of-factly. He knew, deep down from the past couple of days how much she needed to hear it, and in all honesty how much he needed to say it. He could tell by the look in her eyes, how much she loved him for saying it, and how much she needed to hear it – from him.

Andy tilted her head up, and her bangs covered her eyes begging him to tuck them behind her ear – which he did. No words were spoken. The only sound that was audible was the rustling of his suit jacket as she slid it off his body and throwing it to land on the floor in close proximity of her dress. She undid his tie sliding it from the collar of his shirt, never breaking their eye contact. Her talented fingers undid the buttons of his shirt – one by one before sliding the garment off his broad shoulders and sending it in the same direction as his jacket and tie.

Sam pulled her into him, bringing their chests' flush against each other. Her arms flew up to his neck, and he encircled her waist to mold them against each other. His arousal was clearly indicated against her belly as a sly grin covered his lips as he captured her lips in an earth shattering kiss. Sam thrust his tongue into her mouth and she groaned instantly, relishing in the feel.

As he separated their lips momentarily – their passion evident by the swollen lips and flushed cheeks – Sam bent down slightly and slid one arm around her back before lifting her up by the knees, cuddling her flush against his chest. She clasped her hands around his neck burying her face in the crook between his neck and shoulder as he walked into the hallway, and climbed the stairs leading up to their bedroom. For a moment she quickly indulged in the memory of the very first time they were together when he had held her the same way.

_**Still get my heart racing (you)  
>Still get my heart racing (for you)<br>Still get my heart racing (you)  
>Still get my heart racing (for you)<strong>_

Upon entering the bedroom, the scent of gardenias made its way to her nostrils. Although it was her favorite flower, and fragrance, it was also the most integral addition in her wedding bouquet. Andy looked at Sam, stunned, but he merely shrugged his shoulders.

"You're worth it," He said with a small smile the sincerity evident in his voice. Andy smiled at his words, and used her toes to pry her sandals off. She tip-toed, barefoot, gingerly towards Sam and when she stopped in front of him she placed her hands on his belt buckle, pulling him into her taking a deep breath and raising her head she steeled her eyes to meet his gaze.

"So are you," Andy stated, resolutely. Her fingers undid his belt, and slid it through the loops of his pants, tossed it onto the floor and began to work on his buttons. Soon, all that could be heard was the sound of his zipper being lowered and the rustling of clothing being tugged and discarded carelessly as they were thrown into the corner of the room.

"You're sure you're ready?" Sam asked in a whispered, raged breath, resting his forehead against hers as her fingers played with the waistband of his boxers and slid beneath them teasingly.

"I want you, and I want us." Andy decreed while she bit down on her bottom lip. Sam slipped one arm behind her back, and the other beneath her thigh hoisting her up, and urging her to wrap her legs around his waist. He pulled her petite body flush against his chest, as he used his lips to urge her mouth open with his.

His strong arms steadied her back, as he lowered her onto the bed and the softness of the sheets caressed her skin, while he hovered above her. She closed her eyes, and buried her head into the pillow she reveled in the contrast of the soft linens, and his rough stubble against the sensitive skin of her waistline. His lips, moving against her stomach, paid special attention to the spot where their baby had lived – albeit for a short amount of time. She bit her lower lip and tried to absorb the sensations running through her body, but failing miserably when his lips travelled up her ribcage, making her arch her back. Sam stopped his ministrations when he reached the confinements of her bra. As he shifted his hips, and positioned himself between her naked thighs, she hooked her forefingers in the waistband of his boxers pushing them down to his muscular thighs, as his lips cherished her bosom before attaching themselves to the column of her throat. Andy raked her fingernails across his scalp urging him on, as he raised his head with a wicked gleam in his eyes, before crashing his lips into hers like there was no tomorrow - tonight was all that counted.

_**I'll never stop trying  
>I'll never stop watching as you leave<br>I'll never stop losing my breath  
>Every time I see you looking back at me<br>I'll never stop holding your hand  
>I'll never stop opening your door<br>I'll never stop choosing you babe  
>I'll never get used to you<strong>_

Wrapped in nothing but a couple of sheets, his lips travelled from her temple to her cheek, to the column of her throat, leaving tantalizing kisses in their wake before capturing her mouth in an openmouthed kiss.

Andy hooked her thigh around Sam's waist, rolling herself on top of him and laced their fingers together, as she straddled his lap. His lips graced her breastbone urging her to tilt her head back, as she moved her fingers to bury themselves into his dark mane of hair.

Sam wrapped his arms around Andy's waist and turned her around as they fell back onto the bed and he used his knee to push her thighs apart and nestle between her legs. He framed her face with his hands and gazed deeply into her eyes before asking for what seemed like the umpteenth time, "Are you sure about this?"

Sam didn't want to rush her into anything, but he also didn't want her to think that he didn't want her, physically - because he did. More than words could ever describe, _damn_ did he want her. His desire for her was anything but secret at the moment. It had been anything but less than discreet for the past 5 years.

"I'm sure of us," Andy replied breathlessly yet resolutely raising her head slightly from the pillowcase she captured his lips with her own, rubber stamping her statement with finality. As he entered her, she raked her nails down his naked back eliciting several earth shattering groans from him that she matched with moans of her own.

As the intensity of their joining increased, she grasped the sheets of the mattress as he slid his right hand up her arm, lacing their fingers together. His left hand rubbed her naked thigh in a flowing motion – much like he had the night of the blackout - matching the thrusts of his hips and sending them both into a world where only they existed.

_**Still get my heart racing (you)  
>Still get my heart racing (for you)<br>Still get my heart racing (you)  
>Still get my heart racing (for you)<br>**_

The stillness of the bedroom pacified him. The only sound that registered with him was Andy's soft breathing, as she snuggled closer to his side, her left hand draped across his chest where the bracelet was gracing her wrist.

Sarah had been right; it had been the perfect gift. His sister had searched the web and come across a website dedicated to making jewelry in memory of human losses. He should not have been surprised that Sarah's idea would be perfect, and that Andy had loved it. However, Sarah _was_ right, and Andy _had_ loved it. Those two had had a connection since the first time they had met, despite the fact that Andy had second guessed herself the entire drive over – in classic McNally style.

_Even after a perfect evening she was still apprehensive and he found himself standing on the front porch of his sister' house, bidding their farewells. Sam handed the truck keys to Andy, and encouraged her to warm it up while he waited for Sarah's expectedly blatant opinion. Once Andy was securely in the driver seat Sam looked expectantly towards Sarah. _

"_I think she's wonderful, Sammy but honestly does she make you happy?"_

"_Yeah," he replied bluntly, but the smile on his face was all that his sister needed to see._

"_I thought so," Sarah said, sincerely. "She's not a bad person to settle down with, Sammy, just be careful," Sarah advised. _

"_I know," Sam said, as he rolled his eyes while secretly heeding her words as he made his way back to the driver seat of his truck. Once in the truck he took a moment to look at Andy questioningly when she looked back at him in confusion he quickly grasped her head in both of his hands and pulled it forward towards his. He kissed each of her eyelids, each corner of her mouth, her chin, her nose and lastly, the deep 'V' that had formed between her furrowed brows. _

"_You're amazing, you know that?" Sam asked his voice nearly reverent. Andy simply smiled shyly in return. He started the truck and headed home._

_A few minutes into his drive the last of Sarah's words echoed in his brain 'Don't screw this up, little brother'._

Sam reflected on those words, that were spoken a lifetime ago, yet not so long ago. He almost had, in his mind he nearly had destroyed everything. Well, they both almost had. However, luckily for them both, they had friends standing in the wings, who offered sage advice and support when needed. In spite of the fact that he had been less than thrilled about attending counseling, Dr. Richardson had been right – identification _is_ the first step to recovery.

_**Still get my heart racing (you)  
>Still get my heart racing (for you)<br>Still get my heart racing (you)  
>Still get my heart racing (for you)<strong>_

"Hey…" Andy's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts, as she thumbed at his stubbled chin.

"Hey gorgeous." Sam fingered her chin also, and cupped it, bringing their lips together in a soft joining.

"I know it's your specialty, but let's try not to overthink this one." Andy giggled in a mock-like gesture as she climbed Sam's hard body and snuggled on top of him.

"Oh really, McNally?" Sam asked raising his eyebrows suggestively – a wicked grin adorning his features.

"Definitely, Swarek." Andy grinned agreeingly. She felt his hand trailing a secret pattern along her naked back, as her lips found his – feeling content for the first time in what seemed like ages. They were together, they were happy, and they were on their way towards something _more_.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – Motherhood **

Ambivalence. That was what she felt standing in front of the nursery at Memorial Hospital. Ambivalence towards her loss, towards pregnancy, towards the cute little babies squirming in front of her, towards motherhood, in general – could she do it? Was she cut out for it? Looking in on all the bassinets on the other side of the glass, listening to the coos, cries and whimpers of the babies, Andy wondered – was _she_ mother material?

_Obviously the universe didn't think so. She remembered the disappointment she'd felt nearly two weeks ago when her early morning bathroom visit revealed her unwelcomed monthly surprise. Although Sam still hadn't agreed to start trying again she was secretly hoping that nature would take its course. She really had hoped that all their activity in the pool would've worked, and taken the decision out of their hands. After all the doctor had told her that she was more fertile after the miscarriage so why didn't it work? Maybe she didn't deserve another baby, maybe she wasn't vigilant enough. If she had been maybe she could've avoided Wiest's attack, and protected their baby better. She wondered if she'd ever get pregnant again, maybe she wasn't mother material after all. Perhaps if she had a baby in a few years, she would turn out to be exactly like her own mother. Maybe God was trying to protect an innocent baby from just that? _

_When she crawled into bed with tears in her eyes Sam took one look at her and knew. He immediately read the disappointment on her face. Their recent activity hadn't worked the way they had both secretly wished it had. Sam pulled her in close, and whispered against her ear_

"_It will happen, sweetheart. I promise." He vowed, as he tucked her head underneath his chin, and held her close, as her quiet sobs subsided. _

"Officer McNally?" a nurse called her name, causing Andy to break her reverie.

"Yes," Andy asked, as she turned around focusing her attention on the nurse and keeping her back to the nursery.

"Rose would like to see you now," the nurse explained as she smiled. Her facial expression clearly expressed the appreciation and admiration for the officer standing in front of her.

Andy didn't know what to make of the events that the day had brought up in her. The day had started out wonderful – still being in the throes of emotions from the other night. She and Sam were finally on the same page, and she felt like she had when they'd been newlyweds. None of the garbage from the past couple of months was clouding their feelings for each other – it was just them.

"Thank you." Andy smiled carefully, as she walked slowly to room 118 where the sign on the door read _Rose McIntosh_. Placing her hand on the doorknob, she hesitated. She had a feeling that entering that door, would change everything. Was she ready for that? She didn't know. One thing she did know was that it had been a hell of a day.

_Fake it till' you make it _

* * *

><p>"I can ask Jerry to postpone telling everyone; it's really not a big deal," Traci stated, as she and Andy walked towards the parade room that morning.<p>

"Trace. I'm fine, and you guys should tell everyone _today_," Andy insisted stopping their progress, looking her friend in the eyes.

"You sure?" Traci asked warily, not wanting to cause Andy any more hurt.

"I'm positive. Go." Andy insisted while softly shoving her towards the parade room before following in her footsteps. Right before she reached the doorway, she felt a familiar hand grasping her by the elbow.

"Hang on." Sam turned her around, and pulled her towards him – a few feet from the doorway – allowing their fellow officers to enter instead.

"What is it?" Andy asked concerned by the look in his eyes.

"You sure about this? You don't have to put yourself through this, you know? Frank would understand and so would Traci."

Sam's concern for Andy's reaction to their friends' announcement was sweet, and she loved him for it, but if she was ever going to really move onwards, she needed to be there.

"For the umpteenth time Sam…" Andy sighed from the back of her throat.

'_I'm fine.'_ "That was what you were going to say right?" Sam returned with a smile complete in her sentence.

"Show off!" Andy swatted his arm playfully.

He framed her face with his warm hands and gazed deep into her eyes. Sam knew she wanted to be there for her friend, but he also knew that taking on too much, too soon, would bury her under all those emotions she'd recently fought so hard to suppress.

"I love you, and no matter what happens in there, whatever you feel, just remember that everything we want, will happen eventually, alright?" He searched her eyes for confirmation and hoped that their friends' happiness wouldn't throw a wrench into their progress.

"I know. I love you too. Everything will be okay." Andy nodded her head smiling as their lips met in a tender kiss before breaking away, and entering the parade room holding hands.

* * *

><p>"Coppers of 15!" Frank hollered, causing the chattering to stop, as he scanned the room eying his people. Peck, Diaz, Collins and Epstein sat at the front table, while Swarek, McNally, Nash and Barber stood in the back of the room. Sam's arms were wrapped around Andy's shoulders from behind, and Nash shot nervous looks towards them sporadically.<p>

Frank was as cautious as Traci about the announcement; he knew that Sam and Andy had had a difficult couple of months, yet he was inclined to assume that they were on the forward path.

As for the rest of the division, things had been turbulent for months now, but finally seemed to have settled down. Frank hoped that Traci and Jerry's announcement would be the push to get things back to how they once were.

"I think that's our cue." Jerry nudged Traci forward. She took one last glance at Andy, who nodded her head encouragingly while Traci took her fiancé's hand, and they made their way up to the front, where Frank was standing.

"Our very own Detective Barber has an announcement to make on behalf of himself and his family. Detective." Frank explained, as he made room for Jerry and Traci on the platform.

"Friends, family, co-workers…Traci and I have an announcement to make. We know these past couple of months have been trying for us all, and we all need something good to look forward to…" Jerry's eyes drifted towards Sam and Andy; his gaze pointedly affirmed that the entire Division had had them in their thoughts and prayers for the past few months.

"You gotta hand it to Barber, he's one smooth talker." Sam whispered against Andy's ear and tightened his hold around her waist which forced her to lean her back against his chest not that she minded she felt safe.

"…So we're happy to announce that we'll be adding another member to 15's family in about 7 months," Jerry announced. He was unable to hide his joy in becoming a father as the entire room erupted into cheers, applauds and whistles, Jerry's face broke out into an enormous grin. Even though he thought of Leo as his own, the prospect of sharing this experience from the beginning, with the woman he loved, brought an entirely new dimension to the word _family _for Jerry.

* * *

><p>"Congrats again – dad…" Sam grasped Jerry's hand in his before giving him a hug clapping him on the back, as the parade room was nearly empty 15 minutes later.<p>

"Thanks Sammy." Jerry smiled knowing that his friend meant it.

"I'm really happy for you guys." Andy hugged Traci tight and gave Jerry a friendly peck on the cheek.

"Thanks." Jerry smiled grateful that the news had gone over without a hitch. Traci had been worried about Andy's reaction, but it was evident that she and Sam were in a much better place now, than they'd been just a week ago.

"I'm gonna go catch up with Epstein. Catch you later _copper_?" Sam grinned – full dimples on display.

"Count on it." Andy smiled back, as she could feel the softness of his lips gracing her forehead before heading out of the parade room.

"You seem…happy?" Traci remarked when Sam had left the room noticing how Andy's gaze hadn't left the door of the parade room.

"I am. It's like things are…I don't know - right - for the first time in a long time. I really am, happy for you guys, that is. Please believe that Trace." Andy spoke truthfully turning to look her friend in the face with her back turned to the doorway of the parade room.

"I do, and I know you are," Traci stated. Her eyes widened marginally when they fell on Luke who was standing in the doorway of the parade room, watching Andy intently. Traci didn't like that – not one bit.

"Trace? What is it?" Andy asked sensing how her entire demeanor had changed in a matter of seconds. Unbeknownst to her, Luke had made his way over to the two friends, and was suddenly standing in front of her.

"Andy, can we talk?" a sober Luke asked, clearly wanting to make amends. Andy hadn't seen him since Leo's birthday, and hadn't really wanted to. Even looking at him now, her stomach was churning.

"Luke, I really don't think now is the right time for this." Traci tried to run interference knowing that the last time they had talked had been at Leo's birthday party. It was no secret that Luke had tried to use Andy's miscarriage against Sam, and tried to break them up - again.

"Andy please, it'll only take a minute," Luke pleaded while blatantly ignoring Traci, and her attempts to protect Andy from him.

"Luke, I really don't think…" Andy averted her eyes to the floor, not having the indignation to look him in the eyes. His behavior following her miscarriage still haunted her. He had changed on a dime. Sure he'd tried to come between her and Sam before, but using their baby's death as a game piece to come between them had been beyond low; it had been downright heartless.

"…I promise I'll be on my best behavior." Luke interrupted her, smiling and raising his right hand, as if he was in court promising to tell the truth.

"Fine. One minute, and that's it," Andy conceded. She shared a look with Traci that said _I'll be okay _before consulting her watch and tapping on the glass, indicating he had exactly one minute to plead his case.

* * *

><p>"Beautiful watchdog you've got there." Luke smirked as he watched Traci join Jerry outside the parade room, but still keeping a watchful eye on them.<p>

"Traci is just being protective of me. What is it? I'm late for my shift, and Chris is waiting." Andy sighed not feeling up for a confrontation with him.

"I want to apologize to you," Luke stated bluntly, making Andy frown.

"_You_ want to apologize? For…?" Andy dragged out the syllables, clearly questioning what exactly he was apologizing for. In her opinion, he had a lot to make amends for, and not just with her – with Sam as well.

"I know I've been an ass, and I've said and done terrible things to you and Sam," Luke admitted, purposely placing his hand on her shoulder. His touch revolted her so Andy immediately stepped back as if she'd been burned, the expression on her face clearly expressing her disgust at his touch.

"Yes, you have. And those _things_ are not something I can just offer you forgiveness for Luke. You used my miscarriage as a way to hurt Sam," Andy hissed out through clenched teeth. Luke's behavior at Leo's birthday party was still seared in her mind as if it had just happened.

"I know, and I am sorry. These past couple of years haven't exactly been easy for me Andy. Ever since you and Sam…well, let's just say things haven't exactly been a picnic for me," Luke confessed solemnly.

Andy's eyes narrowed when she realized that today was the first time in a long time that he hadn't had the familiar reek of alcohol on his breath. She knew that when she and Sam had officially started dating, it had hit Luke hard and forced him to make some harsh realizations. Not only did he have to come to terms with the fact that she and Sam were anything but a fling he also had to face the fact that he had officially lost her and it was all his fault. Although she was over Luke and would never regret a second with Sam, she did feel bad for the way he had found out about them.

"I know they haven't. They haven't been easy for anyone, but that doesn't excuse what you've done or the things you've said to Sam. It _doesn't_. And by the way I'm not the only one you need to make these excuses or apologies or whatever these things are to," Andy scolded. Looking at him pointedly he could see the cold indifference towards him in her eyes before she turned on her heel intent on walking away from him.

"So, do you accept my apology?" Luke asked, which made her turn around in the doorway of the parade room.

"Maybe one day, but forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, Luke." Andy shrugged wistfully before walking away.

* * *

><p>"You're quiet today," Chris stated while looking over at his partner, observing how Andy was looking absently out of the passenger window.<p>

"Sorry, I guess I'm just not in a talkative mood today," Andy apologized while looking solemnly at Chris.

"You and Swarek okay?" Chris asked cautiously. He knew there had been some trouble, but he also got the impression from his conversations with Dov that things had been getting better between them lately. Not to mention what they'd witnessed with their own eyes at the pool the other night.

"Yeah, we're good. I just, I talked to Luke today, that's why I was a little late in getting suited up today," Andy tried to explain. She hadn't really talked to her friends – aside from Traci that is – about her miscarriage. It wasn't that she didn't trust them, she just wasn't big on sharing her inner most thoughts about her miscarriage with them. Traci was the exception to the rule.

"Luke, huh? From what I hear he's attending AA now. At least that's what the rumor mill is reporting." Chris scoffed with a sideway glance.

"Meaning Dov?" Andy asked, arching an eyebrow.

"And Gail. She dumped him the other night." Just as Chris began to give her the gossip they were pulled from their conversation by their radio.

"1519, we've got an 1180, route 6, south of exit 48. Are you 10-8?" the dispatcher asked over the radio.

"1519, mark us, we're on our way." Andy replied into the radio mic.

"1519, be advised: witnesses report that the victim is pregnant, and pinned inside the car. EMS has been called, but they are at least 30 minutes out. Over," the dispatcher relayed.

"1519, copy that," Andy affirmed, as Chris turned on the sirens. The wheels of the cruiser screeched when he put pressure on the accelerator and raced to the scene.

* * *

><p>The sight that met them on the scene was unlike anything she had ever seen before. The tire marks stretched across the asphalt, and the shattered highway barriers bore witness to the fact that something terrible had happened.<p>

"She's down there, please help her!" a frantic woman pleaded as Andy and Chris exited the cruiser.

"Calm down ma'am." Chris tried calming the woman down, as Andy walked to where the barriers had once stood, and peered down. The barriers had been up to prevent just this. The car had driven through them, and had ended up in a deep ditch.

"Chris, I'm going down there," Andy stated while walking back to the cruiser, pulling the latch to the trunk, and retrieving the first aid kit.

"Please officer, she's pregnant, and she needs help!" the witness exclaimed in a panic.

"I know ma'am, and we will help her. Andy!" Chris called out to her, as he saw Andy begin her descent into the ditch.

"Get the witness report, Chris. I'm going to check her out, and keep her calm until EMS arrives. I'll be alright," Andy promised before climbing down.

"Andy, be careful," Chris warned, as the female witness latched onto his jacket trying to get his attention "Ma'am please." Chris took a deep breath before making her sit down, and pulled out his notepad, beginning to jot down the information that she was spewing out frantically.

* * *

><p>"Thank God! Officer please, you have to help her," a man begged as he gave Andy a helping hand down to the scene. She stood next to him, the car and the victim taking a second to quickly asses the situation. Andy peered at the victim from outside the car, and could tell that she was in pain; time was of the essence. She needed to gather pivotal information from the man in front of her, and then find a way to get the woman out safely - her and her baby.<p>

"Calm down, Sir. Who are you?"

"I'm Cal. Cal Sears. I've been trying to keep her calm, but she's really agitated. From what she told me, she was on her way to the hospital, because she was having contractions." Cal explained as pellets of sweat dripped off his forehead.

"Alright. Cal. My partner, Officer Diaz is up on the road taking statements. Go up, and tell him what you just told me, please." Andy instructed the man back up pointing her finger where she wanted him to go. When he started to climb the ditch, she walked towards the passenger door of the car.

"Please, somebody help me!" The victim screamed in a panicked state as Andy opened the passenger door.

"Ma'am calm down." Andy put on her best _copper _face, but deep down she was terrified that she couldn't do this, terrified that this woman, who was obviously close to her due date would lose her baby because of her, and terrified because aside from Leo this was the first child Andy had been in the vicinity of since her miscarriage. Was she cut out for it? Or had Luke been right? Had her miscarriage been a blessing in disguise?

"That's easy for you to say!" the woman snapped, obviously in pain. Aside from a few scratches on her face, Andy couldn't see any visible injuries. But that wasn't what worried her, what worried her was the fact that the woman was beginning to clutch her stomach in pain, and pant.

"Ma'am? What's your name?" Andy asked, remaining calm. Where the calmness came from, Andy had no idea.

"Rose. RoseMcIntosh." Rose replied while looking at Andy with kind eyes for the first time. Maybe being on a first name basis with each other would help matters.

"I'm Andy. Andy McNally." Andy introduced herself, and Rose looked at her as if she'd grown another head.

"So? I am trapped in a car, 9 months pregnant and about to go into labor!" Rose yelled. Andy knew that she needed to calm her down, and quickly. That kind of stress wasn't good for her baby.

"Rose, I need you to calm down..." Andy started, but was cut off by Rose screeching

"…I don't give a crap about what you want me to do! I am in labor!"

"You need to calm down! This kind of stress isn't good for your baby. Now breathe!" Andy demanded in an authoritative tone, which luckily got through to her.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Swarek! We need to talk!" Luke exclaimed, catching up with Sam just as he entered the barn with Epstein in tow.<p>

"We've got absolutely nothing to talk about, Homicide." Sam scoffed and Epstein excused himself, sensing something ugly was about to go down.

"Actually, we do. I talked to Andy this morning..." Luke began, but was caught off guard when Sam shoved him into the nearby wall.

"What did I tell you about coming near her again?" Sam threatened, his dangerously dark eyes flashing contempt.

"I apologized to her, alright? And I meant it. I owe you one as well, an apology." Luke tried to explain, as Sam let go of him, and took a step back.

"Do you actually think a lame-ass apology will make up for what you've done? You played on her pain and confusion, and tried to use it as a way to get back into her life." Sam was growing tired of Luke's games. Even if he had turned a new leaf - and that was a big-ass _if_ – then no amount of 'I'm sorries'' could erase what he'd done or said.

"I'm trying here, alright?" Luke insisted, knowing deep-down that if Andy were ever to forgive him, he needed Sam to do the same.

"Not good enough." Sam shrugged and glared at him coldly before walking away.

* * *

><p>"Will you come with me to the hospital?" Rose begged Andy, grasping her hand, as EMS had arrived, and were wheeling her towards the waiting ambulance.<p>

"How about I call your husband?" Andy offered instead. She wasn't sure she had it in her to walk into a hospital again – of her own free will.

"Oh, God – I've completely forgotten about him. He's on speed dial # 1 – will you call him?" Rose asked with pleading eyes. The pain meds that the paramedics had given her had obviously taken effect.

"Of course." Andy nodded her head about to move her hand from Rose's when the hold grew tighter.

"Please. Please, I know I've been awful to you, but I can't go through this alone. He works a good hour away, and I don't want to be alone with a bunch of strangers. Please, come with me," Rose begged, and something in the pit of Andy's stomach stirred. She hadn't been alone when she'd miscarried, Traci had been with her. She couldn't let Rose go through this alone.

"Of course. I'll go with you. I promise." Andy agreed. As the paramedics got Rose situated in the ambulance, Andy got on her radio to inform Chris.

"Diaz? I'm going with her to the hospital."

"Copy that," Chris replied. He watched from afar as she got into the ambulance with the pregnant lady and sent up a silent prayer that they would both be okay.

* * *

><p>"Hey..." Andy said as she stood in the doorway of the hospital room and smiled at the scene in front of her - Rose was cradling her baby boy in her arms, and her husband was perched on the edge of the bed watching them in awe.<p>

"Hi." Rose smiled, as the baby whimpered.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't want to interrupt." Andy apologized for her intrusion feeling awkward for interrupting their special time.

"Don't be silly - get in here," Rose giggled. She waved her hand at Andy motioning for her to come closer.

"I'm Nick, by the way. And I guess I have you to thank for my family being in one piece. Thank you so much, officer McNally." Nick McIntosh got up from the bed, and shook Andy's hand – knowing that no words could describe his thankfulness towards this courageous officer.

"Andy, please. And I was just doing my job," Andy replied in a resigned tone of voice.

"Well, it being your job or not, you're officially my hero now, Andy." Nick grinned looking down into his wife's arms to see his baby boy being rocked.

"Thanks." Andy smiled, unable to feel like the hero he was making her out to be. She had just done her job, but that was probably it. You don't spend time thinking about what to do, you just do it. That's just what being a cop is. Being in the moment, and acting accordingly. Trusting your gut.

"So, Andy McNally – I would like for you to meet our son; Liam McIntosh. Liam, this is your very first hero; Andy McNally." Rose looked at Andy expecting her to ask to hold him, like her family undoubtedly would when they descended on them. Rose shifted her position in the bed, and held the baby out towards her indicating that she wanted Andy to hold him.

"Are you sure?" Andy asked, wiping her hands on her pants, surprised by the moisture on them. Why was she nervous? Had Dr. Richardson been right? Had she psyched herself up about expectant motherhood to such a degree that even the sight of a baby scared her?

"You've spend a great amount of time trapped in a car with me, listening to me yelling like a raving psychopath, and making sure Nick and I have this angel. Yes. I'm sure." Rose smiled, as she watched Andy take a deep, cleansing breath before holding her arms out and receiving the baby from Rose. She carefully nestled the baby's head in the crook of her elbow, and used her other arm to support the baby's body.

"Oh, my God, hello little guy…" Andy whispered, rocking Liam back and forth.

"He's my little prince charming." Rose whispered, as Nick held her hand while they watched Andy holding their son mesmerized by his baby blues.

"Hi...oh my goodness. You're a strong little guy, eh? You're squeezing my hand so tight," Andy cooed laughing out loud when Liam squeezed her finger tight. She was mesmerized by the softness of his skin as she caressed his tiny hand.

"You seem like a natural. Are you a mother, Andy?" Nick asked watching as Andy's movements stalled.

"No, no. Not yet anyways. But I guess you never know." Andy shrugged, as she began to rock the baby in her arms again.

"You'll be great." Rose smiled, nodding her head.

"Liam, your mommy's so lucky. Just look at you. She's so lucky. He's really gorgeous. Yes, you are. Yes, you are." Andy cooed, as the baby sniffled. She lowered her head to Liam's inhaling that special baby smell suddenly feeling that everything was clear. She wanted to try again; she wanted this with Sam.

* * *

><p>The house was silent when Andy closed the door behind her. She had texted Sam from the hospital telling him that she'd be late in getting home. After leaving the hospital, she'd gone back to the barn to finish up her paperwork on Rose's accident before getting changed, and now standing in a darkened house.<p>

Andy threw her house keys on the table in the hallway, and turned on the table lamp illuminating a framed photograph of Jerry, Traci, Sam, Leo and her. Andy picked the frame up in her hands, and let a finger touch their smiling faces. The photo had been taken what seemed like a million years ago, when in reality, it had been three years ago. Three years ago when they'd told Jerry, Traci and Leo that they were engaged.

"_So, you wanna marry my aunt Andy, huh?" Leo asked Sam, when they had all been sitting out on Jerry and Traci's deck._

"_That's the plan, buddy." Sam smiled as he looked at Andy, while squeezing her leg._

"_Eyes, here!" Leo commanded, making Jerry, Traci and Andy burst out laughing, while Sam didn't know quite what to do with himself._

"_You're right. Is this the point where you tell me if I ever hurt her, you'll break my kneecaps?" Sam asked – all of his attention on Leo._

"_Maybe," Leo shrugged his small shoulders before continuing his questioning. "Andy is a real special person, and she's cried enough. So do you promise to make her smile every day?" Jerry, Traci and Andy looked on amusedly, captivated by the scene taking place in front of them._

"_I promise, buddy," Sam vowed with a nod of his head. When Leo seemed satisfied with his answer, the little boy walked closer to Sam, put his mouth against his ear, camouflaged by his hands and whispered,_

"_And, do you promise to always help me beat Aunt Andy in cards?" _

"_I'll tell you what, buddy…" Sam smirked looking back at Andy before whispering to Leo, "…I'll do my very best"._

"_Cool!" Leo exclaimed, high-fiving Sam before giving Andy his most innocent smile._

"_Why, you little!" Andy feigned being outraged when she chased a giggling Leo into the living room with Traci in tow._

"_I guess the master has accepted you into the fold, brother," Jerry smirked as he clapped Sam on the back._

"_Yeah, I guess so." Sam laughed, mesmerized by the sight of Andy holding Leo in her arms, and their noses pressed against each other. _

She placed the photograph back on to the table before stepping out of her boots, and hanging her jacket and bag up on the coat rack. She looked up in the direction of their bedroom, and took a deep breath before climbing the stairs. On her way to their bedroom, she passed the nursery. Finally, for the first time in months she didn't feel her stomach churn with the memories it evoked; it didn't rattle her anymore in fact, it gave her hope.

Standing in the doorway of their darkened bedroom she watched as Sam's chest rose and fell in tune with his deep breathing. She tip-toed to the bed and settled down on the edge of it. She reached out, and placed her right hand on his naked chest, feeling the muscles underneath her touch. She slid her hand up his chest on a path to his shoulder before placing a whisper soft kiss on his lips, and saw his eyelids begin to dance.

"Hey…" Andy smiled, as Sam stirred, opening his eyes.

"Hey…how were things at the hospital?" Sam asked sitting straight up in bed wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Things were good," Andy replied, nodding her head repeatedly, purposely averting her eyes from his.

"But?" Sam asked, drawing out the syllables and grabbing her chin making her look him in the eyes.

"Sam, I held her baby; Rose's baby, Liam, today. And holding him, and rocking him I realized something…" Andy replied, locking eyes with her husband.

"What?" Sam asked, tenderly tucking a strand of hair behind her left ear.

"I'm ready, Sam." Andy revealed, biting down on her bottom lip while awaiting his response.

"I wanna try again too. I think we are ready," Sam replied truthfully. He tugged at Andy until she lay on top of him, and he captured her lips with his in an openmouthed kiss. His hands moved down to her lower back and pressed her body tighter against his, as their kiss ended and they gazed into each other's eyes.

"I guess, we've got some work to do then huh?" Andy giggled, caressing his cheek.

"Oh, tons. We'd better get started right away then." Sam grins, as he flips her over in bed tucking her underneath him. As Sam leans down, inches away from her lips, he stops abruptly to look her right into her eyes

"I love you, Andy." Sam smiled as he touched her chin with his thumb and forefinger.

"I love you too." Andy replied in a husky tone of voice, as their lips met in a deep kiss.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – Pink**

At the sound of water running in the bathroom, Andy opened her eyes with a contended sigh. She lazily stretched her arms over her head, as she looked in the direction of the bathroom. She placed her naked feet on the hardwood floor with a smile adorning her lips.

The past couple of months had been wonderful – they had been _normal_. It wasn't until a couple of days ago that she had felt it; the dizziness, the nausea – not to mention her missed period. Yesterday she had bought a pregnancy test, and today she would take it. She had pushed it off sighting work as an excuse, but today was _the_ day. Traci was coming over, and (they were going shopping for her baby and maybe theirs too), she hoped with fingers crossed.

Andy grabbed the hair rubber band on her bedside table putting her hair up in a messy bun before tip-toeing towards the bathroom where the image of Sam only wearing a towel around his waist met her appreciative gaze.

"Enjoying the view?" Sam smirked, eying her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Andy stood in the doorway admiring his form, as he ran the razor across his face.

"Maybe," Andy teased as she walked up behind him and ran her hands up his chest while pressing her breasts against his back.

"Maybe?" Sam returned, mockingly, as he dipped the razor in the lukewarm water, and took another swipe at his face.

"It's your fault really, standing in here looking so damn sexy," Andy retorted, as Sam turned around drying his face with a towel.

"Satisfied?" Sam asked, remembering how she had been complaining about his stubble for the past couple of days.

"You're just more kissable now," Andy smiled, touching his newly shaven face before kissing him softly on the lips.

"Good to know." Sam grinned, as he pulled her to him pressing his lips against hers. What he had meant to be a quick peck on the lips, quickly turned passionate when Andy thrust her tongue into his mouth. Sam braced an arm behind her back and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, as he turned around, and perched her on the vanity table next to the sink. Sam moved his hands up her back, and pressed her impossibly closer to his chest, as his lips and tongue explored the column of her neck.

"Sam," Andy whined before continuing, "don't do this to me. Traci is gonna be here in like…" she consulted her watch before finishing her sentence, "…an hour."

"We can be quick." Sam seductively nibbled at the skin of her neck causing whimpers to escape her throat, as she leaned her head back giving him more access.

"Okay," Andy conceded with a deep breath as Sam's ministrations to her neck intensified. He moved his right hand up her naked thigh pulling her negligee up until it was bundled around her waist. Andy briefly raised her bottom from the vanity table giving Sam the opportunity to slide her panties down and off her feet.

"God, you're gorgeous," Sam panted staring at her. She was a vision perched on top of the vanity table with swollen lips, red cheeks and ears, with her eyes burning hot against his. Andy's able fingers undid his towel, and it floated to the bathroom floor in a heap around his feet.

"Sam," she gasped and clasped her hands behind his neck, as his hands undid the hair rubber band holding her hair up causing it to cascade down her shoulders. He buried his fingers in her hair, as Andy continued her assault. "Shut up," she demanded, as she spread her legs, and he settled into her opening. She hitched one leg around his waist inching them even closer together.

"Damn, I love you," Sam groaned, as he thrust his hips in unison with hers, and soon, all that could be heard in the bathroom were hitched declarations of love and panting.

* * *

><p>Two hours later Sam had left for work, and Andy emerged from the bathroom holding the pregnancy stick in her hand.<p>

"So, how long before it's ready?" Traci asked sitting on the edge of their bed, as Andy joined her.

"Uhm, five minutes," Andy answered, checking the information booklet of the pregnancy test. "God, I can't remember ever even being this nervous at the academy," she said in an apprehensive tone, as Traci patted her leg in a supportive gesture.

"Just breathe alright?" Traci offered, setting her watch to sound in five minutes. "Even if it's not positive, then you and Sam have all the time in the world to make it happen. Sex can be fun, you know?" Traci joked, nudging Andy's shoulder playfully.

"Oh, believe me, I _know_," Andy giggled, remembering just how much fun she and Sam had had in the bathroom that morning. Traci snorted knowingly by the dreamy look on her friend's face.

"Alright! I didn't need to know _that_!" Traci remarked covering her ears. She had been suspicious when she'd showed up on their doorstep that morning and Sam had been jovial – not a word you would normally associate with Sam Swarek. Andy had practically shoved him out of the house, but not before he took the opportunity to kiss her soundly before smiling at Traci and venturing towards his truck. The giddy look on Andy's face had simply confirmed her suspicions.

As Traci's watch beeped and alerting them that the five minutes had passed, Andy looked at her friend nervously. Traci nodded her head encouragingly and grabbed her hand free hand for support. Andy put down the information booklet she was holding and quickly exchanged it for the pregnancy stick test. Andy closed her eyes tightly, and took a few deep, cleansing breath as Traci picked up the booklet and began to read aloud from it

"If two pink lines appear in the window it's positive, if there's only one line it's negative," Traci recited from the booklet.

With one last deep breath, Andy opened her eyes to read the results. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes, she closed them again immediately and hung her head.

_Thank you, thank you, thank you_

Andy continued the mantra in her mind, as Traci looked at her with concern displayed all over her face.

"Oh, my God, Andy. I'm so sorry," Traci apologized placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

Andy raised her head, and looked at her friend with tears in her eyes saying, "No, Trace. These are the good kind."

"You're pregnant?" Traci exclaimed covering her mouth with both hands in surprise.

"I'm pregnant." Andy confirmed nodding her head repeatedly laughing out loud.

"It's positive? Oh my God! Andy, you're gonna be a mom!" Traci laughed out loud, as Andy launched herself into Traci's waiting arms.

"Trace, I…," but she couldn't complete her sentence when she felt a swift kick against her stomach. The two friends immediately separated and looked down towards Traci's pregnant belly. "Wauw," Andy declared before they looked at each other again and burst out laughing.

"I guess someone is excited for their new cousin," Traci giggled as she pulled Andy back into an embrace. Andy clutched onto Traci closing her eyes, and sending up a silent prayer of thanks.

* * *

><p>"What are you so happy about?" Oliver grumbled when he noticed the stupid grin covering Sam's lips, as they stood in the locker room suiting up.<p>

"What? I can't be happy?" Sam asked, as he shut his locker.

"_That,_" Oliver pointed at Sam's dimples, "is not an 'I'm happy' smile. That's an 'I got laid this morning' smile," he quipped, clearly not having had the morning with Zoë that Sam had had with Andy.

"Brother," Sam clapped Oliver on the back, "I can't help it if I'm irresistible, now can I?"

"Ha!" Oliver scoffed, as they walked out of the locker room together. "So, things are good again?" Oliver asked in a serious tone, as they walked side by side into the parade room.

"Things are really good," Sam confirmed with a nod.

* * *

><p>"So, how are you going to tell him?" Traci asked a little while later when they were driving around trying to find a parking space.<p>

"I don't know," Andy exhaled, as Traci pulled into an empty lot. The last time, she had spent a lot of time arranging the surprise for Sam and he had loved it. This time though she wanted to keep it simple – partly because she was afraid it wouldn't work out again, but mostly because as complicated as Sam was in a lot of areas, he also had a simplicity about him in all the areas that counted. _Don't overthink it._ His love for her was simple in the fact, that it was just there; unquestionable, a constant that would always be there.

"Whatever you do, make it count. I literally spelled it out for Jerry in Cheerios," Traci giggled, earning her a sideway glace from Andy.

"Seriously Trace, Cheerios?" Andy asked, arching an eyebrow.

"What? It was all I had at the time." Traci smiled shrugging her shoulders, as they exited the car.

"Oh, shit!" Traci cursed under her breath looking at Andy exasperatedly.

"What is it?" Andy asked, as Traci looked back in the direction of the parking lot.

"I forgot to get a parking permit. Dammit." Traci sighed from the back of her throat.

"I'll tell you what – you go get the parking slip, then I'll head to the bank and with any luck we'll be finished by the same time," Andy suggested.

"You sure?" Traci asked almost kicking herself for having forgotten something as trivial as a parking permit.

"Of course. I'll text you when I'm done, and we can just meet at the store," Andy replied. Neither of them had any idea just what they were in for.

* * *

><p>"Hello, gorgeous," Sam's warm voice greeted hers over the phone.<p>

"Hey, yourself handsome." Andy returned his greeting suddenly feeling like an entire swarm of butterflies had taken up residence in the pit of her stomach. Why was she nervous?

"You girls having fun," he asked receiving a cup of coffee from his partner for the day; Diaz.

"Not yet. I'm at the bank right now, but we're meeting up when I'm done here." Just as Andy answered him, she started hearing some commotion from the doorway of the bank.

"Alright. Everything okay?" Sam asked, sensing something was off with her. Sometimes his ability to read her was unnerving.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine…" Andy's voice was cut off when suddenly shots rang through the air. Her phone fell out of her hand, as two masked men entered the bank, guns drawn and yelling.

"Everyone get the fuck down!" As they rushed into the bank, one of the men stepped on Andy's cell phone, crushing it to pieces, as the hostages were pushed into a corner.

"Andy! ANDY!" Sam yelled into the phone, but it was too late. The phone was dead, and for all he knew, so was their future.

* * *

><p>The two robbers were huddled together by the registers talking quietly – no doubt contemplating what to do next. They had frisked every single hostage, and made sure they had no means of communication on them. They moved towards the hostages and held out a shopping bag, instructing the women to take off their jewelry and for the men to put their wallets in the bag.<p>

"Hand it over!" One of the men instructed Andy, who automatically covered her rings with her other hand. Not her rings, not the symbol of Sam's love for her.

"Please, don't…" Andy started, but realized it was a losing battle, as she was hit across the face with a gloved hand. Disoriented, all she could do was feel as her rings were roughly pulled off her finger. She felt the tears shower her cheeks, as the burning on her face intensified.

* * *

><p>Tires screeched and sirens wailed as coppers of Division 15 surrounded the bank. Jerry had arrived merely a few seconds later, and was comforting a distraught Traci, who was wracked with guilt. They both looked up when cruiser 1505 came to a loud halt at the road block, and Sam slammed the door shut followed closely by Diaz, as they approached them.<p>

"What happened?" Sam immediately barked.

"Two males took control of the bank 30 minutes ago. There are approximately 20 hostages inside," Jerry answered over Traci's head.

"One of them is Andy?" Sam asked the unnecessary question, as Jerry solemnly nodded his head.

"Sam, I'm so sorry," Traci started, as he walked quickly towards the boarders that had been placed in front of the bank to keep people away.

"Sam, buddy?" Jerry yelled, but it was at no avail. Jerry watched as Oliver tried to push Sam back when he neared the boarders.

"You're not going in there! It's being handled!" Oliver held Sam back when he tried to side step him.

"Handled? My wife is in there, Shaw!" Sam yelled pointing his finger at the bank.

"I know, Sam. I know," Oliver had no idea how he'd react if Zoë had been the one held hostage, but he also knew that letting Sam go off halfcocked would only make matters worse. "You need to let Callaghan handle this!"

"Callaghan?" Sam spat at Oliver – his opinion of Luke becoming crystal clear – even to the casual observer.

"Yes. I know you've got issues with him, and I'm not making any apologies for what he's done, but Sam," Oliver knew Callaghan was far from perfect for the job, but it hadn't been his choice. "He's good at what he does."

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Sam yelled, kicking a nearby cruiser, before walking back towards where Jerry and Traci were standing.

* * *

><p>"Is there something you're not telling me?" Jerry asked, sensing that Traci was holding something back. They watched as Sam and Luke were having an obviously heated discussion – no doubt about how to get Andy, as well as the rest of the hostages, out safe.<p>

"God, Jerry," Traci covered her face with her hands, as he rubbed her back with his hand in circular motions.

"Tell me, Trace. It's okay," Jerry consoled her, as she looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"She's pregnant," Traci whispered in a raspy voice, "Andy's pregnant."

"Oh my God. Does he know?" Jerry asked looking briefly at Sam.

"No. No, he doesn't. She just found out this morning. You can't tell him Jerry." Traci adamantly warned him.

"Why not? He deserves to know!" Jerry insisted.

"Because if you tell him, he will do one of two things," Traci answered as she watched Sam look over a blue print with Luke. "He'll either do something incredibly stupid to save them, or he'll beat himself up for something he had no chance of knowing would happen."

"Trace…" Jerry sighed, reluctantly, not exactly happy about keeping something of this magnitude from one of his best friends.

"Promise me, Jerry. Promise me you won't tell him," Traci insisted stubbornly.

"Fine. I promise." Jerry relented, as they watched as Luke got on the phone – gearing up to talk to the robbers.

* * *

><p>The quiet one was on the phone with who Andy imagined was a negotiator. The other one - the brutal one - was pacing back and forth, clearly agitated and uncomfortable in his own skin.<p>

"So, what's your plan, eh?" Andy asked him brazingly. Where she got the courage to speak spiritedly from in that moment, she didn't know. All she did know was that surviving this was all that mattered - for her, for Sam and for their unborn baby.

"Shut up, bitch!" the robber, who had hit her, yelled back. She immediately put her arms across her stomach, as if to protect the baby from the harsh words.

"We want a car, and your word that no one follows us," the quiet one told Luke, who was handling the negotiation.

"I can make that happen," Luke told him easily. He knew his job depended on how he handled this situation. All eyes rested on him, and Sam breathing down his neck didn't make things easier. "But I need something from you as well."

"What?" the quiet one asked, eying the hostages, as well as his partner.

"I need for you to let the women go, and in turn, I'll get you a car and a safe passage out of Toronto," Luke promised.

"Not good enough. I need something more," the quiet one persisted.

"What?" Luke asked. Making deals with hostage takers wasn't part of the deal. The answer to his question was impossible to fathom. However, looking at Sam, he knew they had no other choice.

* * *

><p>"What the hell is wrong with you, Luke?" Frank asked exasperatedly. He knew things had been tense between him and Sam, but <em>this<em>, this was beyond reckless – it was stupid.

"Frank, we know what we're doing," Sam interjected. He passed his weapon to Jerry for safekeeping.

"Not even God knows what _you're_ doing, Sam," Frank shot back. "Are you even considering Andy in all of this?" Frank asked after calming down.

"She's _all_ I'm thinking about," Sam answered truthfully. "She's all I ever think about; she's my life."

"It's on!" Luke declared a few minutes later. As the doors of the bank swung open, shrieks of panic, horror and relief filtered through the air. Sam felt his breath catch in his throat, as the final female hostage emerged from the bank. One of the robbers had his arm around her throat, while the other cradled a gun against her side.

_Andy_.

"Your turn, Swarek!" the robber yelled. Sam walked in long steps, striding quickly until he reached them. His eyes were dark and unyielding. When he approached she felt her stomach churning. Something was wrong. Dead wrong.

"Go on." The robber gently pushed Andy forwards towards Sam. He immediately turned her around, pushing her behind him, so that she was out of harm's way, and covered by his body.

"Go," Sam instructed her. He made eye contact with Oliver, who was standing a few feet away, he immediately read from Sam's face that it was now his job to protect her.

"What?" she asked, disbelieving her own ears. What had he done? Offered to switch places with her? No, he wouldn't do something _that_ stupid. Would he?

"Andy, go." Sam insisted. Oliver placed his arms on her shoulders, gently tugging her backwards, as Sam turned around, and walked towards the doors of the bank.

"No!" Andy yelled, fighting off Oliver's hold on her. "Sam! SAM!" She yelled out pleadingly at his retreating back. The emotions battling within her felt the same as when Sam had been caught by Brennan and she'd seen his bloodied UC apartment. The only differences between then and now, was that it was Oliver pulling her away, and not Jerry plus it was even more intense as Sam was now her husband, and she was carrying their child.

As the doors of the bank closed, Andy collapsed into Oliver's arms. She bucked forward, only held upright by his tight grasp around her waist. "Please let him be okay," she mumbled as tears ran down her cheeks.

He turned her around in his arms, and cradled her against his chest. "It'll be okay," Oliver assured. Sobs wracked her body, as she clutched onto the straps of his Kevlar.

* * *

><p>"Andy, thank God!" Traci exclaimed, as she watched Oliver and Andy walk towards them. Oliver had his hand on Andy's shoulder, and Traci immediately knew something had happened. Something bad.<p>

"How could you let him do it?" Andy accused Jerry, as she pointed a finger into his chest.

Traci looked at Jerry for an explanation, but when none came she asked, "What is she talking about Jerry?"

"Sam is doing what he thinks is best." Jerry answered, as Oliver steadied his former rookie by placing his hands on her shoulders.

"Would someone like to tell me what the hell is going on? Where is Sam?" Traci repeated her earlier question. Andy walked away to sit on the hood of a nearby cruiser realizing she needing to rest for a minute; she needed to calm herself down at least for a minute.

"Sam is inside," Jerry answered simply.

"Inside? Inside the bank?" Traci asked in an incredulous tone of voice.

"Apparently, the robbers know Sam from when he arrested them a few years back, and they…" Oliver stopped his sentence. He averted his eyes to the ground before continuing "…they wanted a trade."

Traci audibly swallowed before moving her eyes to her best friend. Andy was perched on the hood of cruiser 1505 holding her head in her hands. How different the day had turned out. She and Sam were supposed to be celebrating, and now they were apart, possibly forever.

* * *

><p>"Andy, it'll be okay," Traci tried to console her friend, as they both sat on the hood of the cruiser.<p>

"What if…what if he doesn't make it, Trace? What if they're too late?" Andy sighed, as Traci cradled her friend's head in the crook of her neck running her hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.

"All units move in," they heard the dispatcher affirm. Andy swiftly moved off the car, followed closely by Traci, and moved towards where Jerry, Oliver and Luke were standing. They watched as the officers ran into the bank, and how the rest of the hostages suddenly emerged at the same time. Andy squinted as she felt lightheaded, trying her hardest to make out his figure amongst the crowd in front of her.

"Where is he?" She demanded to know while turning her gaze to the man behind her for an answer.

"Andy," Jerry replied, watching a familiar form exiting the bank, and looking in their direction.

"What?" Andy sighed, as she turned around, and looking in the same direction that his eyes were focused on.

_Sam._

He stood just outside the doors, getting his bearings together, before scanning the scene to look for her. When their eyes locked, Andy found her bearings. Her feet seemed to react more quickly than her brain, and before she knew it she was running towards him and launching herself into his waiting arms. She clasped her hands behind his neck, and pressed her lips to his.

"Don't you _dare ever_ do that to me again," Andy demanded after they disentangled their lips.

"I will always protect you," Sam answered. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, he noticed the red mark covering her left cheekbone.

"I'm okay," Andy tried to reassure him, as he intently studied the mark and ran a soothing finger across it.

"You'd better be," Sam nodded, as their attention was brought to a spot behind him, where the two criminals were being escorted away.

"Sam." She cupped his cheek, and turned his head slightly to make him look her in the eyes. "I'm fine," Andy firmly stated, as he brought her flush against his chest.

He kissed her on the top of her head before murmuring into her hair, "Thank God."

* * *

><p>Andy stood in the bathroom wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants and a grey top, surveying her bruise in the mirror. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was safe. More importantly, he was safe. He had risked his life today to save her, and he had been successful. He had protected her; he had protected their family unwittingly. Her hands traveled down to her stomach, and she sent up a silent prayer thanking whomever was up there, that her family was in one piece.<p>

"_Doctor," Andy started, after Sam had left the room at Memorial Hospital. He had insisted on taking her in for a checkup. "I just found out I'm pregnant, and I want to make sure that the baby is okay," she explained._

"_Of course. How far along are you?" the doctor asked, as he indicated that she should lie down on the examination table, while he set up the transvaginal ultrasound._

"_A couple of weeks," Andy shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know. I just took the test this morning, but my husband and I…we've been trying for a couple of months now," she explained, as she discarded her jeans and panties before getting down on her back on the table._

"_Well," the doctor started as he began his examination. She closed her eyes and held sharply as he used the ultra sound. As uncomfortable as it was, Andy felt immediate relief when she heard her baby's heartbeat echo throughout the room. _

"_It's difficult to obtain that much this early in a pregnancy but…in my opinion the baby looks perfectly healthy. You'll have a chance to be a great mom," the doctor explained as he pressed on some buttons on the ultra sound machine. _

The baby had been fine, but the doctor had encouraged her to go to a specialists' appointment the next day, and Andy agreed that she would. This time she would do anything in her power to keep her baby more than 100 % safe.

"Sweetheart, you alright?" Sam asked tapping on the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'll be right out," Andy answered, as she checked her appearance in the mirror before walking into the bedroom. When exiting the bathroom Sam was under the blanket, lying in bed, propped up against the headboard of their bed waiting for her. She got into the bed, crossing her legs underneath herself before looking him in the eyes.

"What is it?" Sam asked, concerned, sitting up straight in bed.

"Sam," she breathed. Andy took a deep breath before revealing the entire truth to him. "I'm pregnant," Andy admitted unabashedly awaiting his response on baited breath, and wasn't disappointed when a grin that took over his face spread from one ear to the other.

"You're pregnant?" Sam asked astonishingly.

"Yes," Andy eagerly nodded her head affirmingly, laughing.

Sam swiftly flipped her over so that she was lying on her back with him on top of her, careful not to crush her. He leaned his head down to hers, nuzzling his nose against hers before declaring his love for her.

"I love you." Sam smiled before capturing her lips with his in an openmouthed kiss.

"I love you too." Andy beamed when they looked into each other's eyes, their foreheads pressed together. "Good work, _daddy,_" she giggled, as their lips found each other's again.

* * *

><p>"I've got something for you," Sam whispered against her temple. It was several hours later when they were finally alone and entangled in each other's embrace.<p>

"Really?" Andy asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, McNally," Sam admonished her, as he reached into the drawer in the nightstand and pulled out two items.

"My rings," Andy declared in awe, as the diamonds from her rings twinkled in her eyes.

"May I?" Sam asked, holding her hand in his and smiling.

"You certainly may," Andy nodded her head, as he slid first her wedding ring, and then her engagement ring onto her finger.

"Perfect fit," Sam mused, as he looked into her eyes. "If anything had happened to you today…either of you…" Sam trailed off somberly shaking his face from the horrific images in his head that his mind could imagine from that particular scenario.

"But it didn't, we're all fine, and we're gonna stay that way." Andy comforted him cupping his cheek in her hand.

"You're my life, and if anything had happened to you today, I don't know what I would've done," Sam repeated himself as they laced their hands together.

"And you're mine. We're gonna be okay, Sam. I promise you. Everything will be okay," Andy promised, as their lips met in a profound kiss.

* * *

><p>An hour later, Andy was fast asleep, her back pressed up against Sam's chest. His hands were wrapped around her stomach; he ran his thumbs across the space where their baby lived. Today had scared him shitless, and that had been before he'd known she was pregnant.<p>

Andy _was_ pregnant with his child; pregnant with _their_ child. A cumulation of all of their hopes and dreams combined.

"Everything will be okay, Little One, I promise." Sam lips brushed gently against her stomach before moving upward. "I love you," he whispered into the darkness before nestling his head against Andy's neck.

Andy moved her hands to cover Sam's while smiling happily. It might have been a hell of a day, but everything that mattered was lying in their bed - Sam, her and their baby.

They would all be okay.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – Time**

Four months had passed. Four months of anxiety, joy and expectation. Andy had spent many nights speculating whether or not she would miscarry again and lose this baby, too. She had rubbed her bump countless times in that first trimester, reciting to herself, _"Please, stay with me baby. Grow big and strong." _Getting to the other side of that first trimester had been tough, but they had made it. They had _all_ made it.

This day was special – they had a scheduled appointment with Andy's doctor - today was the day they'd see their baby, and maybe, just maybe, be able to find out whether they were having a boy or a girl. As long, as the baby was healthy, that was all that counted. But knowing would certainly make the arrangements easier especially for a planner like Andy.

As Andy stood in the kitchen, she caught sight of the black ash tree that had been planted nearly a year ago at the park. Her explanation to Leo about why they'd lost their baby had fueled a thought within both her and Sam back then. They had picked out a tree, and had included Leo in their plans.

* * *

><p>"<em>What do you say, buddy? Where should we plant this?" Sam asked, holding up the small tree, as he, Leo and Andy stood at the park near the playground. <em>

"_How about over there?" Leo suggested pointing towards a small clearing a good ten feet from the swings on the playground. Leo looked between Sam and Andy squeezing his aunt's hand tightly alerting her to the fact that he was waiting for a response._

"_That would be perfect, Little Man," Andy sniffed, feeling her emotions overwhelm her. Her conversation with Leo was two weeks old now, and she knew she needed to do this; she needed to do something, to try to diminish the emptiness she felt inside. _

"_Alright, let's get started then, eh?" Sam replied, as he passed the tree to Leo, while he began digging a hole for it in the soil. Leo looked up at Andy, who smiled back at him before kissing him softly on the head trying to reassure him that she was okay._

"_Is it my turn now?" Leo asked when Sam thrust the shovel into the dirt and turned to the little boy._

"_Yeah, come on over here," he instructed, as Leo let go of Andy's hand and brought the tree over to Sam. _

"_Should I just put it in there?" Leo asked indicating the hole Sam had just dug. Sam nodded his head, as he helped Leo lift the tree into the hole. Andy walked towards them, placing her hands on the tree to steady it, while Sam yanked the shovel free from the dirt, and helped Leo cover the root of the tree with it. _

"_You up for it?" Sam asked when they had almost covered the root of the tree completely. Andy nodded her head, as she accepted the shovel from Sam and covered the tree with last of the dirt. They squatted down, and patted the soil before Andy helped Leo water the tree while Sam looked on, captivated by the woman in front of him._

_As they stood in front of the tree – all three of them – Leo looked first at Andy and then to Sam, who was looking intently at her, while she stared at the tree. Leo grabbed both of their hands and confidently declaring, "Auntie Andy, this tree is gonna grow up big and strong, you'll see." Tears sprang to Andy's eyes, and all she could do was nod. Sam was certain it had been a good idea, this way they would always have something tangible to remember their baby by. All Andy had been able to think about was the gut wrenching emptiness she felt inside, but it was a nice gesture; it was their first step towards normalcy. _

* * *

><p>"What are you thinking about?" Sam whispered against her temple, his hands wrapped around her waist.<p>

"I was just thinking about," Andy began turning around in his arms, "how very happy I am, to have you in my life." Andy cupped Sam's cheek in the palm of her hand, their eyes locking immediately.

"Right back at ya!" Sam quipped, kissing her on the tip of her nose before grabbing his keys and heading out to start up the truck.

* * *

><p>"Go ahead and lie down, Andy," the doctor instructed. Sam supported her back with one hand, while he used the other to hold her hand in his, as she lowered herself onto the examination table with a loud grunt.<p>

"Alright," Andy audibly exhaled rubbing her stomach, as Sam tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Hey, you okay?" she asked noticing the faraway look on his face.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just, you know, excited to see our baby." Sam explained, as the doctor had set up the ultra sound.

"Sam Swarek being nervous, who would've thought I'd ever live to see that?" Andy giggled, earning her a mock glare from him.

"This may be a little cold," the doctor warned. She poured some gel on Andy's stomach before placing a transducer on top. "Alright, here we go." The doctor ran the transducer across her abdomen and soon black and white images turned up on the monitor in front of them. "There's your baby, and he or she is looking nice and healthy, by the way." The doctor smiled, as the parents-to-be took a much needed breath.

"Wow, look at our baby, Sam," Andy smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling.

"This is unbelievable," Sam grinned, kissing Andy on the forehead before they both turned their heads back to the monitor.

"Someone is being a little shy today. If you want to find out if it's a boy or a girl, I can try to finagle," the doctor offered. Sam and Andy looked at each other intently.

"It's your call sweetheart," Sam said.

Andy turned her head towards the monitor again, worrying her bottom lip before her teeth for a moment.

"Tell us, I'm dying to know," Andy giggled, as a grinning Sam leaned in close kissing her on the side of the face. The doctor suggested that she shift positions to her left side, and pressed firmly on Andy's stomach for a few minutes. She replaced the ultra sound, and smiled

"That did it. You sure you wanna know?" The doctor asked.

"Yes." Andy blurted out impatiently nodding her head.

"You are looking at your little girl."

"A girl! Oh my God!" Andy inhaled sharply before looking over at Sam, "We're gonna have a little girl, Sam."

"A girl, wauw…" Sam repeated, as the still image of their baby was frozen on the monitor. He was going to become a father to a little girl, his and Andy's little girl.

* * *

><p>"Watch your step," Sam instructed, as he led Andy into the nursery, his hands covering her eyes. He had been completely stealthy while organizing the nursery. He and Jerry had worked on it, while Traci and Andy had been at a spa relaxing since the paint fumes were a definite 'no no' when pregnant. "Alright, look." Sam said, removing his hands from over her eyes, as she blinked, adjusting them to the brightness of the room.<p>

"Oh my God, Sam!" Andy inhaled sharply as she walked into the room, followed closely by him. The base color of the walls had been done in a bright purple, and on top were motifs of 'Hello Kitty' – a cartoon cat that Andy had developed a love for in her third trimester. Bookcases with children's' books, toys, diapers and clothes were set up. The white sleigh style crib stood in the middle of the room with a 'Hello Kitty' mobile hanging from the side. By the picture window sat a rocking chair, and on the other side of the room Sam had set up a changing table. "It looks great!" Andy was in awe as she took in her surroundings. Sam hadn't been crazy about all the cats; he was more a dog person – notwithstanding the German shepherd, who'd attached itself to him on a case a few years prior - but it was what Andy wanted, and so, he did it.

"You like it then?" Sam asked anxiously. Andy turned around to face him with a silly grin plastered all over her face.

"Like it? I love it, and I love you." Andy beamed as she stood on the tips of her toes and pressed her lips softly against his.

"Wow," Sam was shocked when he felt a swift kick against his stomach, and took a step back staring at Andy's bump. "Was that…?" he asked while pointing at her stomach, flabbergasted.

Andy burst out laughing at the stunned expression on his face. "She's a fighter," Andy said, taking his hands and placing them on her pregnant stomach, as the baby kicked again.

"Just like her mom," Sam winked, placing one hand on the side of her face, while the other still touched her stomach. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sam," Andy replied simply, as their lips met in a slow kiss.

* * *

><p>CRASH!<p>

"What the hell was that for?" Sam barked as the object he'd just ducked from landed behind him with a loud bang.

"You were totally checking out her ass!" Andy exclaimed in a high pitched screech, turning accusatory eyes on him.

"What?" Sam asked, exasperatedly.

"You heard me!"

* * *

><p><em>A few hours ago they had been at the park, watching Leo since Traci was getting closer and closer to her due date, and she and Jerry didn't want him to feel neglected. Andy had been with Leo at the swings, while Sam had gone to get some ice cream. Suddenly, Sam had found himself standing next to Monica and her newborn - something that hadn't gone unnoticed by Andy and her raging hormones. The smiles, friendly touches and time spent across the lawn from her and Leo had caused this recent bout of jealousy. <em>

* * *

><p>"Andy, please." Sam tried advancing towards her and placing his hands on her shoulders, but she jerked away at his touch, clearly upset.<p>

Not only had he and Monica been involved, albeit years ago, she was also blonde, not to mention unremarkably thin after having just had a baby.

"Don't!" Andy exclaimed, walking away from him and into the kitchen.

"Andy, this is ridiculous," Sam tried, but knew instantly those weren't the right words, because Andy's eyes threw daggers at him.

"Oh, so now I'm being ridiculous?" Andy screeched.

"Sweetheart, Monica and I are just friends, you know that. We've known each other a very long time," Sam tried to explain, walking towards her once again.

"Yeah, _right_, I've heard that one before." Andy blew out a frustrated breath and tucked her unruly hair behind her ears. She started to repeat words that she had heard once before in a mocking tone.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hmm, you and Jo worked a lot of big cases together, huh?"<em>

"_Yeah, we're partners."_

"_I know."_

* * *

><p>"Do <em>not<em> compare me to Callaghan!" Sam insisted, trying very hard to keep his temper in check after her little recital. He knew her body was playing games with her, but comparing his friendship with Monica to what had happened between Callaghan and Jo years back was completely unnecessary, unwarranted and uncalled for.

"Sam," Andy immediately touched his arm in an apologetic gesture, "I'm sorry, okay? It's just that…" Andy worried her bottom lip trying to figure out a way to explain her behavior, "…it's this pregnancy okay? I mean, look and her and then look at me. Sam, I look like a whale, and her body looks just as good as it always did – even just five months after having had a baby. I'm sorry for almost hitting you with that thing," Andy offered pointing at the broken vase that was shattered all over their hardwood-floor.

"I know, but you have nothing to worry about, sweetheart. Monica and I were over the minute I accepted the Anton Hill assignment, and even that first day you met her, she knew something had changed between us."

"Me, huh?" Andy smiled crookedly.

"Yeah, and you know what else?" Sam said seductively, wrapping his arms around her as much as he could.

"What?" Andy asked while clasping her hands behind his neck.

"_This _version of you," he whispered caressing her lips, "is extremely and utterly sexy as hell." Sam grinned playfully nibbling at her ear.

"Yeah?" Andy inhaled sharply, as she felt him nod against her and felt his tongue gracing the outer shell of her ear, "You always know just what to say," Andy giggled.

* * *

><p>"Alright, Little Man, what exactly is it you need help with?" Andy asked as she sat on a lounge chair in Jerry and Traci's backyard and Leo stood on the basketball court.<p>

"A 2-pointer, I think," Leo hesitantly replied, dribbling the ball which made Andy smile. Basketball was something they both loved. Andy hoped Leo would get the technical terms down in the years to come, otherwise he'd be laughed at out on the courts.

"You mean a 3-pointer?" Andy stated matter-of-factly getting out of the chair uneasily before holding out her hands so he could pass her the ball.

"Whatever," Leo shrugged his small shoulders, as he followed her to the three-point line.

"This is the three-point line, Shaquille," Andy teased as she tried to give Leo a small lecture on the game of basketball. "When you shoot from behind this line," Andy pointed indicating the three-point line "and if you're successful, then the basket is worth three points," Andy tried to explain.

"Oh, well that makes sense," Leo admitted, as he got in position from behind the line, and Andy chucked the ball back to him.

"Your teacher may also call it a three-pointer or a three, but it's the same thing. Kinda like the song; 'I say tomato, you say tomahto'", Andy added earning her a confused look from Leo.

"Eh?"

"Never mind," Andy giggled. She took a few steps back in order to give Leo room to practice his shooting.

"Hey…" Sam murmured against Andy's ear as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders seeing as he couldn't reach around her stomach anymore.

"Hey," Andy leaned back against his chest, and Sam rested his chin on top of her head.

"How's our resident future NBA player doing?" Sam asked alerting Leo to his presence.

"Awesome!" Leo exclaimed giving Sam a triumphant smile before the little boy went back to his practicing.

"What are you doing?" Andy asked playfully, swatting his hands away when he pulled her back into his mid-section.

"What? You complaining? I seem to remember a gorgeous woman practically ripping my clothes off the other night inside _this_ very house," Sam quipped.

"Never again," Andy giggled worrying her bottom lip.

"Oh, _really_?" Sam asked craning his neck to look at her with a _'who do you think you're kidding, McNally'_ look.

"Have you forgotten about last night?" Andy asked, turning around in his arms. "Or rather about _who_ almost walked in on us?" Andy asked tossing her head in Leo's direction, while Sam just grinned at her making her remember just what had happened.

* * *

><p><em>Andy had been in Jerry and Traci's pantry trying to find some important ingredients to the banana split that she'd been promising Leo for hours. As a shadow appeared in the room, she looked behind her, and found Sam closing the door to the pantry behind him.<em>

"_Hey, is he getting restless in there?" Andy asked smiling, as she searched the shelves for Leo's favorites. _

"_Not him," Sam grinned vehemently advancing towards her._

"_Sam, come on, we're in a freakin' pantry," Andy whined as he backed her up against a wall, his hands coming to rest on either side of her face._

"_So?" Sam asked unconcerned, while his nimble fingers began unbuttoning her blouse. Saying that he was turned on by this pregnancy would be putting it mildly; not that she minded. Knowing her husband wanted her despite the stubble on her legs, her huge belly and frequent mood swings did good things to her self-esteem. Very good things - but in a pantry? - come-freakin'-on._

"_Sam…" Andy's mild warning was cut off as he slanted his mouth across hers, and her fingers slid into his dark mane of hair. "Maybe we could just, you know, like…" Andy whispered, as his lips continued to kiss and lick at her jaw._

"_Do it quick?" Sam interjected before pressing his lips to hers again, silencing her reply, as she gasped into his mouth. _

"_Auntie Andy, you in there?" A sharp rap on the door and Leo's small voice interrupted, what seemed like eons later, when Andy had just wrestled Sam's shirt off of him. Sam rested his forehead against her shoulder with a deep sigh, while she rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes._

"_Impeccable timing, kid," Sam chuckled as they both got their breathing under control and Andy gathered herself before answering._

"_Yeah, sweetie, I'll be out in a minute, alright?" Andy whined on a high pitch when Sam's lips began to explore her neck again._

"_Okay," Leo shrugged his shoulders, "but Auntie Andy, are you sure you're okay? You sound really weird," Leo added, finding it strange how she sounded if all she was doing was look for bananas._

"_I'm great, honey, just great." Andy moaned, pressing her forehead against Sam's, as their hearts tried to reclaim their normal pace._

"_Alright," Leo reasoned before heading downstairs again._

"_Uncle Sam, were you in the pantry too?" Leo asked a little while later, as the grown-ups were having coffee and he was on his way to bed._

"_Honey, it's time for bed," Traci repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening._

"_Listen to your mom, buddy." Jerry chimed in, when he could tell that Leo's questions were leaving Sam speechless – which was never a good sign._

"_Aren't cops supposed to tell the truth?" Leo asked looking from Jerry to Sam for an answer._

"_Yes. They are, buddy," Sam finally spoke, "and yes, I was in there with your Aunt Andy." Sam looked at Andy who had a 'don't you go there' look on her face before continuing, "She needed some help."_

"_Help? Help with what?" Leo asked confusedly, as Traci and Andy both stared at Sam anxiously, to see how he would get himself out of this one._

"_With her…" Sam searched for the right explanation as his eyes set on her throat, "…necklace. It had twisted itself in a knot, and she needed my help with that." Sam tried to explain, hoping that his nose didn't grow several inches._

"_Oh…" Leo shrugged, "okay." Leo accepted the answer, and ran off towards his room._

"_Yeah, your uncle Sam is great with fixing my knots." Andy smiled, as her hand traveled up Sam's inner thigh squeezing lightly before giving him a devilish smile._

"_You're something else, you know that?" Sam whispered, intrigued, as a giggling Andy nestled her head in the crook of his neck._

"_I know." Andy agreed with a small wink. _

* * *

><p>"What are you talking about?" Leo asked, joining them at the far side of the court.<p>

"Nothing," Andy said, blushing, swatting away Sam's stray hand. "How did it go?"

"I was awesome!" Leo replied.

An out-of-breath Jerry yelled from across the lot, "Sam, buddy?"

"Yup!" he exclaimed, as all three of them turned to face him.

"Is it time?" Andy asked breathlessly.

Jerry merely nodded in reply; his smile threatened to take over his face.

* * *

><p>"How long will it take?" Leo asked, impatiently, nearly six hours later. He slumped back in his chair between Sam and Andy as he crossed his arms defiantly across his chest.<p>

"I don't know, Little Man, it could still be awhile," Andy tried to explain.

"But why?" Leo whined, "She has been in there for 9 months already! I wanted her to get here, like yesterday."

"I think your mom will agree with you on that, kiddo, but nature has to take its course," Sam tried to explain.

"When will _your_ baby get here, Auntie Andy?" Leo asked, leaning into her shoulder.

"Won't be too long now, Little Man," Andy smiled, resting her head against the top of Leo's, and locking eyes with Sam.

"Traci Nash?" A nurse asked, causing them all to stand up from their chairs.

"How is she?" Andy asked immediately, while grasping Leo's hand into hers.

"Mother and child are just fine," the nurse nodded her head, affirmingly.

"And the dad?" Sam asked arching an eyebrow.

"A little dizzy, but overall…blissful," Jerry said, beaming from the doorway of the delivery room.

"Congratulations, brother!" Sam grinned as he approached him clapping him on the back and giving him a hug for a job well-done.

"Can I see her?" Leo asked, impatiently, making the adults laugh.

"You sure can, buddy," Jerry replied hugging Andy before taking Leo's hand, and walking towards the room Traci was in.

"Makes you wonder, eh?" Andy giggled, as they walked towards the room, hands tightly clasped together.

"What?" Sam questioned.

"How will _you_ manage when the day comes," Andy giggled as he shot her a _'come on, McNally'_ look.

"Please, Jerry's a light weight," he shrugged, feigning indifference. In reality he was anything but confident.

"Whatever you say, Swarek." Andy gave him a wry wink and smiled knowingly before patting his chest playfully and entering Traci's room.

* * *

><p>"Alright, Andy. One last push," the doctor instructed, as Andy took another deep breath. She held Sam's hand in a vice grip as he encouraged her, rubbing her back to sit up and push one final time.<p>

"She's almost here, sweetheart," Sam said, earning him an evil glare from her.

"Tell me something I don't know already, Swarek!"

"One last push, Andy," the doctor repeated, as she closed her eyes tightly before pushing with all her might, and a wail cursed through the room. Andy flopped back against the bed breathing heavily once the pressure finally seemed to dissipate. Sam immediately got up from the stool he'd been occupying, but never broke contact with her hand.

"She's here, she's here," Sam said soothingly. He laughed out loud when he saw the doctor holding up their baby girl for the first time.

"Is she okay?" Andy panted, nervously,

Sam looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"She's perfect," Sam confirmed, nodding. The doctor passed the baby to a nurse, who quickly cleaned her up wrapping her in a pink blanket, and cradling her in her arms, as she walked her over to her mother.

"Say hello to your baby girl," the nurse smiled, as she handed the little pink bundle over to Andy. Sam sat down on the stool again, and looked on, mesmerized, as Andy cradled their daughter in her arms.

"Hello there, baby girl, we're your parents, yes we are," Andy cooed, as tears ran down her cheeks. She felt Sam's touch, as he dried away the tears. She lifted her head, looking into his eyes, "You're a dad…"

"Hello, Little One," Sam said breathlessly, touching his daughter's small hand, as she yawned and turned her tiny head towards Andy.

"We've waited so long for you, baby girl. Yes we have," she cooed, kissing the baby's downy head, as Sam kissed her on the cheek. Sam took a moment to revel, in awe, at the sight in front of him.

"Nice job, Mrs. Swarek," was all that he could choke out in that moment. Andy was beautiful, his beautiful wife was holding their beautiful baby girl in her arms. He was a dad to a little girl – _Jesus Christ!_

"Likewise, Mr. Swarek." Andy grinned back, as they kissed each other on the lips laughing before turning their eyes back to the wonder in Andy's arms.

* * *

><p>"She's so tiny," Leo offered, as he, Jerry and Traci visited a little while later.<p>

"She's a baby, kiddo," Sam grinned, as he rocked her.

"She's got a full head of hair, that's for sure. No wonder where those genes come from," Jerry quipped looking at Sam, who was completely focusing on the bundle in his arms.

"You settle on a name yet?" Traci asked, as Andy exited the bathroom after getting cleaned up with a nurse in tow.

"You wanna tell them?" Andy asked settling herself into the bed again. Sam walked towards her, passing the baby back to her.

"Everyone, say hello to Emma Sarah Swarek," Sam smiled, as the baby yawned in response.

"You named her after your sister? Very fitting," Jerry agreed, as Emma snuggled closer to Andy and the familiar smell of her.

"Yeah, we decided to use it as a middle name, it means _Princess_ and Emma means _universal_ or _complete_. It seemed fitting in some way," Andy explained as Emma had snuggled in against her chest, and lulled herself to sleep.

"Ah, no fair, now she's sleeping too," Leo moaned, not understanding why those babies needed to sleep all the time.

"Trust me, Little Man, she'll be running around and pestering you soon enough," Andy promised; the others joined her in laughter. A peaceful silence settled over the room and all eyes zeroed in on the beautiful, dark headed princess – the brand new member of 15's family, as she snuggled against her mother's chest.

Sam leaned down, and pressed a kiss to the baby's head whispering, "Welcome to the family, Princess. We've waited a long time for you."


	14. Epilogue

**A/N:**** First of all I want to thank you all for your continued support in reviewing this story. It has truly meant a lot. This story is now at its conclusion, and it has been both challenging and fun to write. Challenging because of the topic matter, and fun because I've had total control over McSwarek :) Finally I'd like to thank deedee920 for all your help with this story! I'll be looking forward to reading what you all think both of this epilogue, but also of the story as a whole. **

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

"Morning, beautiful," Sam groaned into Andy's ear before trailing wet and sloppy kisses down the column of her throat.

"Good morning, yourself handsome," she moaned, wetting her lips, as she felt his arms tug her around. He settled himself in between her thighs, supporting his weight on his elbows, as his lips began a downward journey starting from her throat. "Sam, seriously?" Andy started, with closed eyes, her fingers twisting through his dark hair.

"What," he asked seductively as his mouth and lips trailed to her bosom his eyes looking up at her mischievously.

"You know _what_?" she whined. Andy felt nearly intoxicated, as one of Sam's hands traveled downwards, slipping underneath her negligée pushing it upwards. "Sam!" Andy exclaimed, grabbing his wrist, as he tugged at her panties.

"She's asleep, sweetheart," he assured. He had checked on their birthday girl no more than ten minutes earlier, and she'd been sound asleep. Emma was now one year old – to the day actually. She was their miracle, and she had changed their lives.

"You sure," Andy asked skeptically. She ran her fingers down Sam's bare chest, fingernails raking against the hair on his chest.

"Positive," Sam declared with glee, as he kissed her quick on the lips.

"Okay," she sighed from the back of her throat. That was all the coaxing Sam needed, for him to lower his head and continue his ministrations.

"Ma-ma!"

Instinctively, Andy's head immediately turned to the baby monitor on the night table, and Sam's motions stopped right above the line of her panties.

_Emma_

"Is it hereditary?" Sam groaned rolling off of her and landing on his back, as she fetched her robe.

"Is what?" She asked tying the robe snuggly against her warm body.

"Kids and their timing," he grumbled pressing her pillow against his face.

"Easy now, cowboy," Andy giggled throwing his robe at him. "Come on, let's go sing to her!" Andy excitedly exclaimed, as he shot her a _'don't you think this is over'_ look.

"Sure, why not," Sam groaned, as he followed in his wife's direction. He loved being a father – no doubt about it. However, he loved being a husband too, and somehow having a baby had put a wrench in his spousal role lately. But hopefully, with his sister and her family coming out for Emma's birthday, he'd have a chance of getting some well-deserved alone time with Andy. At least he could wish; it had been too far in-between lately.

* * *

><p>"Great to see you, little brother," Sarah mused, hugging Sam tightly a couple of hours later. She and her family had driven up from St. Catharine's' and were spending an extended weekend with them.<p>

"Good to see you too, Sarah," Sam smiled. He missed his sister. Even though they only lived a couple of hours apart, they didn't get together as often as either of them would like to. Between work and family life – both their calendars were full.

"Now, where is the birthday girl," Sarah questioned, just as Andy came walking through the doorway of the kitchen, carrying Emma in her arms.

"Rah!" the one-year-old squealed, clapping her hands. Sarah reached out her arms walking towards Andy and Emma, and squatted, anticipating the girl to jump into her arms, while she reveled in her beauty. Emma's big brown eyes and curly brown hair mesmerized anyone who came into contact with her – especially her Auntie Sarah.

"Let's go see what your uncle and nephews are up to, eh?" Sarah suggested, giving Sam _the look_, as she carried Emma outside.

"Was that your sister's incredibly nonchalant way of giving us some alone time Mr. Swarek?" Andy giggled, patting his chest affectionately before walking into the kitchen.

"Who knows?" Sam shrugged, as he followed her into the kitchen. Andy was in her own world at the counter putting the finishing touches on Emma's birthday cake, oblivious to the fact that he stood right behind her. Just as she began to survey her handiwork, Andy let out a surprised yelp against the two strong hands, which grabbed her by the waist hoisting her up onto the counter top.

"Sam!" Andy swatted him on the chest, startled. "You scared the crap out of me!" she chastised him.

Sam moved his hands up her thighs slowly, moving himself between her outstretched legs. "Sorry," he apologized, framing her face with his hands.

"No, you're not," Andy grinned, as he pressed their lips together. "Sam, come on," she whined, as he moved her hair out of the way to press slick kisses along her skinny shoulder.

"What?" Sam asked, absently. He ran his hands up her back enjoying the feel of her body beneath. As they slid down her back, and settled around her waist, he pulled her forward so that she sat on the edge of the counter, and she locked her ankles around his waist.

"You know exactly _what_," Andy replied without actually stopping him. Instead, she arched her head back so he could trail wet kisses down the side of her face and the side of her neck. "Sam, we can't," she protested weakly, as he nibbled at her ear and pulled her impossibly closer to make her feel just how turned on he was. While it was true, it had been awhile since they'd been intimate in _that way_, they were parents now. Dear Lord did Andy _want_ him, but somehow she thought that getting frisky in the middle of Emma's first birthday party wasn't the best solution.

"Really, why not?" Sam arched an eyebrow in challenge, as if to say _'bring it on, McNally'_.

"Baby, just…" Andy made a half-hearted attempt to stop his gyrations against her.

As his lips moved lower, and more purposely, he grinned against her skin and asked, "You want me to stop?"

"Yes…no…uh!" Andy groaned, biting down on her bottom lip while scraping her fingers across his scalp.

Footsteps were closing in on them, in one swift move, she pushed Sam away from her, and scrambled off of the counter just in time for Sarah and Emma's entrance.

"Sorry, did we interrupt something?" Sarah asked cheekily, as Emma reached out towards her mother.

"Nah, why would you think that?" Sam replied casually. When Andy went to take Emma from Sarah, he yanked her back against him.

"Sam, seriously?" Andy fretted, as she felt his hands caressing her rear.

"Just making sure our Little One doesn't see you in your birthday suit," Sam whispered into her ear. He grinned smugly and looked down to where the strapless, summer dress she was wearing had ridden up, due to their recent _activities_.

"And whose fault is that, huh?" Andy whispered back furious, while elbowing him in the side.

"Come here, baby girl," Andy cooed taking Emma into her arms, and walking into the living room with her.

"You just can't stop grinning, can you?" Sarah replied after having put the cake into the fridge. Although she had phrased it as a question, she could only hope

"Am I grinning?" Sam replied, not being able to take his eyes off his girls. Andy was twirling around with Emma in her arms. She was giggling and Emma was squealing with delight.

"Like a fool," Sarah smiled. Andy looked at him with a smile on her lips that took his breath away. Cradling Emma against her shoulder, her small head perched against it, she looked perfect. She _was_ the perfect mother.

* * *

><p>"Hey, when was this taken?" Sarah asked a little while later. She and Sam stood in the hallway opposite the many photographs that had been taken of Emma in her first year.<p>

"Just a couple of days ago, at the beach," Sam answered smiling. The three of them had stood with their backs to the ocean. Sam held Emma in one arm, while the other was wrapped around Andy's waist. They'd spent that day at the beach with Jerry, Leo, Traci and Grace. Andy wore a brown bikini with a matching sarong, while Sam wore a pair of black trunks. Emma had on a bathing suit in a bright pink color with a small tutu attached. Sam and Andy were looking at each other in the photograph, grinning huge, while Emma looked up at her mother mesmerized.

"_Dada birs!" Emma squealed pointing, as Sam stood by the water's edge holding her, while a flock of pigeons flew past them up in the sky._

"_That's right, that's right," he agreed. His eyes darted to Andy's form, as she stood further into the beach talking to Traci, while Jerry helped Leo and Grace build a sandcastle. _

"_He can't take his eyes off of you, McNally," Traci giggled, as she met Sam's gaze. Andy turned around, and waved at him and Emma. Not that she needed to turn around to know he was looking at her. She'd felt his gaze on her even before Traci had said anything. It wasn't that she wasn't in the mood; she __**was**__, all of the time. But she was just so tired. Somehow none of the books she'd read prior to Emma's arrival had said a thing about her raging libido, but between getting back to work, being a mom, and being a wife, their sex life had taken the backseat._

"_I know," she replied turning around to face Traci again. "I love him so much, it's crazy, Trace. I never thought I'd have all this. A house, a husband, a daughter, I mean, who would've thought?" she added, looking down at her rings._

"_Everyone but you apparently," Traci replied shrugging, as Sam and Emma made their way towards them._

"_Hey, Traci, can you hold her for a second?" Sam asked as Emma reached for her Aunt._

"_Sure. Hey there Ems," Traci smiled kissing her on the head._

"_Good, because there's something I've wanted to do for a really, really, long time," Sam grinned looking at Andy with raised eyebrows._

"_What?" Andy asked as she saw where his gaze averted to: the ocean. "No! I mean it, Sam. No!" she warned, pointing a finger at him, while slow back tracking. _

"_No, what?" Sam shrugged his shoulders, trying to act all innocent, as he followed in her footsteps._

"_You can forget it. I am not going in that water! No way!" Andy exclaimed as she could sense he was advancing on her in steady strides. So, she began to run, like really run, like she was chasing down a perp. But barely having gotten off maternity leave hadn't done much for her form. So, it didn't take long before Sam caught up with her, hoisted her up and slung her across his shoulder before walking towards the water._

"_Sam! I swear to God! Don't you do this! Don't!" Andy swatted him on the back as they neared the water, no more able to contain her giggles than Sam was at containing his laugh._

"_Or what?" Sam challenged, as she hung with her head upside down._

"_Okay, okay, Sam. What do you want?" Andy asked. She figured that getting on his good side was probably the best way to go._

"_To get you wet," he deadpanned. _

"_Anything else?" Andy suggestively added running her hands up and down the plane of his back, or what part of his back she could reach. She bit down on her bottom lip awaiting his response. Suddenly she felt him shifting his position in the water, and then she was standing opposite him._

"_What do you suggest?" Sam asked with an arched eyebrow. _

"_A little something," she ran the tip of her tongue across her lips, as she moved towards him. "I like to call," she continued, as she placed her hands on his chest. "Payback!" Andy giggled shoving him with all her might as he flopped into the water on his back, while she ran to the shore. It didn't take long for Sam to get up and chase her. She had barely reached the spot where Traci and Emma were still sitting before she felt his hands around her again, turning her around, and wrestling her to the sand, supporting her body all the way down._

"_You think this is funny, eh?" Sam grinned shaking his wet head, as water cascaded onto Andy's body._

"_Sam! God!" She whined, as Emma clapped her hands squealing. "Don't encourage him, sweetie," Andy giggled as Sam's grinning mouth closed over hers._

"_You guys," Traci whined, covering Emma's eyes with her free hand._

"_Mama!" Emma squealed, as they disentangled their lips, and looked up at their princess._

"_I think someone wants some quality time," Traci said. Setting Emma down on the warm sand, the little girl immediately walked on wobbly feet to where Sam and Andy were lying. Emma was still new at walking; Andy had been worried it would never happen, but then suddenly a Sunday afternoon it had indeed happened. She had yelled at Sam to get the video camera, and they had probably gotten about an hours' worth of their little girl talking her first steps._

"_Hey, Princess," Sam grinned. He held out his arms for Emma, and she immediately began to wobble into his embrace. He moved to lie flat on his back on the warm sand, and Andy turned on her side, supporting her weight on her elbow, as she looked at father and daughter. Becoming a father had made her love Sam even more – if that was even possible. She still remembered the first night at home with Emma. _

* * *

><p><em>She had woken up in an empty bed, and heard Sam's voice echoing through the baby monitor on the night table. As she padded across the floor towards the nursery, Sam's voice got clearer and clearer. The sight that met her in the doorway of the nursery took her breath away.<em>

_**I wanna hold you  
>Protect you from all of the things I've already endured<strong>_

_Sam stood in the middle of the room wearing a pair of pajama bottoms, as Emma was cuddled against his bare chest. He rested his chin on top of the baby's downy head, something he'd also do when holding Andy. Her hand traveled to her mouth, as she took in the sight before her. A tiny gasp left her lips, but it was muffled up by the hand over her mouth._

_**And I wanna show you  
>Show you all the things that this life has in<br>Store for you  
><strong>_

_Emma cooed softly, as she settled herself into Sam's embrace. His lips graced her soft head, as he closed his eyes, and took in the scent of her. Andy wished that she had her camera handy so that she could capture her husband and their little girl in this tender moment. Andy could feel tears stinging behind her eyes, as she watched Sam walk towards the crib._

_**And I'll always love you  
>The way that a father should love his daughter<strong>_

_Sam leaned in over the crib, and carefully placed Emma on the mattress, tucking the blanket across her small body. He placed a hand over the spot, where her small heart thudded away. He bent his head down, and pressed a whisper soft kiss on the baby's forehead before standing up straight, and gazing down on their miracle._

_**Sweet Zoe Jane  
>Sweet Zoe Jane<strong>_

"_Hey," she whispered softly, encircling his waist with her arms. _

"_Hey, yourself," he whispered back, placing his hands on top of hers. _

"_I have to say, I'm a little bit jealous," she said in a low voice._

"_Really?" Sam quipped raising his eyebrows, as he brought her out from behind him, and settled her against his side._

"_Yeah, you've never serenaded me," she teased._

"_I only do that for a select few," he grinned, bringing an arm across her shoulders, as they walked out of the nursery._

"_What are the requirements?" Andy asked, stalling in the doorway to look back at Emma before looking up at Sam's smiling face._

"_Oh, you know," he shrugged his shoulders before heading in the direction of the bedroom with her, "former rookies with a penchant for killing an UC op eight months in the making may just make the cut." _

"_Oh, really?" Andy giggled._

* * *

><p>"All righty, here we go," Traci said, as she carried the birthday cake into the living room. The cake was white, and Andy had decorated it with small red flowers on the side, and on top was a single candle as well as Emma's name spelled out in pink frosting. Emma squealed clapping her hands in Sam's embrace when the cake was placed on the table.<p>

Their friends and family were gathered at Sam and Andy's house to celebrate Emma's first birthday. Andy lit the single candle, as the entire room busted out in song

_**Happy birthday to you**_

_**Happy birthday to you**_

_**Happy birthday dear Emma**_

_**Happy birthday to you**_

"You ready?" Andy asked touching Emma's forehead with her own. The little girl nodded her head eagerly, as everyone laughed. Sam held her out so she was within reach of the candle, and Andy helped her blow out the candle, as the room erupted into cheers.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for today, it was great," Traci smiled, hugging Andy tight, as they were getting ready to leave.<p>

"It was," Andy agreed rubbing Grace's back who was fast asleep against Jerry's shoulder. "And you," she added squatting down to meet Leo's height, "thank you for the presents, Little Man, she's gonna love them." She smiled, as she hugged him tight. Andy felt a little bad. This past year hadn't given her much time with Leo. From having spent almost every week with him, to only seeing him sporadically had been tough, on the both of them. Which is also why they'd made a date for the next day, to shoot some basketball together.

"Tomorrow, Auntie Andy?" Leo asked with bright eyes.

"Tomorrow, Little Man." She confirmed, mussing his hair and watched as they made their way to the car before closing the front door.

* * *

><p>"You happy?" Sam asked a little while later. He snaked his arms around her waist and kissed her on the temple, as she stood in the kitchen cleaning up.<p>

"I am. You?" she asked, turning around in his arms.

"How could I be anything but? I've got the two most beautiful girls in the world with me," he grinned.

Just as his lips brushed against hers, Sarah's voice echoed from upstairs. "Sammy! Where are the towels?"

Sam sighed, pressing his forehead against Andy's shoulder. "Why did we ask her to stay again?" Sam groaned against Andy's bare shoulder.

"Because you're a great guy, and because you didn't want her to drive back home this late," she reminded him. Sarah's husband and children had already turned in, but Sarah had insisted on bathing her goddaughter.

"Alright!" Sam groaned before taking the steps, two at a time leaving a giggling Andy alone in the kitchen. Another reason for Sarah staying was unbeknownst to Sam, but it was actually so that they could have some alone time – just the two of them. Sarah had promised to take care of Emma if she were to wake up in the middle of the night.

* * *

><p>"All tucked in for the night," Sam announced, as he closed the bedroom door behind him an hour later. Andy was standing by the dresser removing her ear studs.<p>

"And your sister?" Andy asked, as he sat on the edge of the bed removing his socks.

"I'll repeat: tucked in for the night," he winked at her.

"Ha – ha," she mockingly replied, as she moved to stand between his legs. She placed her hands on his shoulders, as he placed his hands on her waist. Andy bent her head towards Sam's, and before long they were splayed on the bed; her legs on the inside of his; his hands sifting through her hair; her hands framing his face, as their tongues and lips mated.

"Not that I'm complaining," Sam half-laughed and half-groaned, as her lips moved to his stubbled chin.

"But…?" Andy asked sitting up straight on his stomach, her hands undoing the buttons on his shirt.

"But…doing this with our house full of guests, not to mention our one-year-old next door might not be the smartest move, Officer McNally," he quipped.

"A) they're sleeping farthest away from us, B) Sarah is on Emma-watch…" Andy said counting on her fingers, as she told him all the reasons why they needed to be together.

"and C)?" Sam asked, his hands on her hips yanking her harder against his midsection.

"C)? I want my husband." Andy stated rocking her hips against Sam's.

"You don't say," he grinned. He moved his hands to the edge of her dress, and pulled upwards, until it was bunched in his hands and thrown to the floor. Andy, clad in her strapless bra and panties, pulled her hair behind her ears before beginning to work on his belt. Before she could finish he flipped them, landing Andy flat on her back with a loud yelp. Sam pressed his lips to hers before standing up.

"Where are you going?" Andy asked, as he got off the bed.

"Nowhere," he returned. Sam tore his shirt off before stepping out of his jeans and boxer briefs all at once before resuming his position on the bed again.

"Good to know," she grinned at the familiar weight of him on her. Andy slid her hands up his biceps before framing his face. "I love you, you know that right? You and Emma are my life." Andy's brown pools gazed into Sam's with so much love it almost tore him apart.

"I love you too, sweetheart. You and Emma both. You're everything to me," Sam said, pressing his lips against Andy's, as she opened underneath his touch. His lips wandered to her cheeks and her throat before caressing her bosom. Andy arched her back, as his fingers undid the clasp off her bra before tossing it to the floor. Her panties followed suit, and before long they were lying chest to chest.

Andy felt what she'd always felt with him, _complete_. They fit each other perfectly. As her feet rubbed against his calf, her fingers twisted in his hair, and he used his tongue to caress her left nipple, she realized that it had always been like this. Perfect. Sure, they still had their fights. It wasn't like everything was roses and candles with them, but they loved each other to such a degree that nothing could tear them apart. They had been through hell, but this past year had shown her just how much Sam meant to her. He had stood by her through it all, and instead of breaking apart; they had weathered the storm together.

"You okay?" Sam panted lining them up, his hands lying flat on either side of her head petting her hair.

"Perfect," she smiled. As he thrust his hips against hers, and slid inside, she raked her nails down his back, leaving read marks in their wake. Sam groaned into her neck, as his hands found hers, lacing them together next to her head on the pillow. Andy arched her back, meeting Sam stroke for stroke, as they rode out the tidal wave they were riding.

* * *

><p>An hour later, their hearts had resumed their normal pace, and they were lying face to face; their hands interlaced.<p>

"I've missed this; us." Sam brought her left hand to his lips, pressing a whisper soft kiss against her knuckles and rubbing his thumb over her rings.

"Me too," she replied smiling.

"What?" Sam asked arching an eyebrow, as she had been staring at him for quite some time.

"I was just thinking," she started.

"Uh-oh!" Sam exclaimed earning him a shove in the ribs.

"Shut up," Andy giggled climbing on top of him, nestling her legs in between Sam's and placing her hands flat on his chest while resting her chin on top before looking up at him.

"What is it?" Sam asked seriously, caressing her naked back in circular motions.

"I want another baby. I don't want Emma to be an only child, Sam," she said gauging his response.

"Andy," he started. Another baby. Another mini-Andy. There was so much of Andy in Emma - her stubbornness, her temper tantrums, but more importantly her smile. That wide smile that took his breath away.

"I know, we haven't had a lot of time together lately, but I just, I watch Leo with Grace, and I want Emma to have that, someone to play with, and to grow up with. You know, like with you and Sarah," she rambled on and on, she knew that.

"Andy, Andy, Andy, stop," he held up his hands in surrender. "I would love to have another baby with you, and to be honest, Emma is about the right age for us to try again," he said pressing her body tightly against his.

"Yeah?" Andy grinned framing his face with her hands.

"Yup!" Sam nodded his head eagerly, as she slanted her mouth across his, and they rolled over in bed, getting ready to try again.

* * *

><p>"Mmm, I could get used to this," Andy moaned. They were in the shower, where Sam was massaging conditioner into her hair.<p>

"Yeah?" Sam whispered against her temple.

"Uh-huh," she returned nodding her head, as his hands moved down her arms to encircle her waist, and she leaned back against him.

"Close your eyes," he whispered. Sam held the shower head in his hand, as he rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. "You know," he started placing the shower head back in its holder before pulling her hair into a pony tail, and twisting the water from it. "Seeing you like this," he continued, as she turned around in his arms, locking her hands behind his neck.

"Yeah?" Andy urged him on arching an eyebrow.

"Makes me want to go back to practicing again," he whispered against her neck causing Andy to giggle.

"Maybe we should attend to our guests at some point?" Andy replied, as Sam applied slick kisses to her wet shoulder.

"They can entertain themselves," he mumbled against her shoulder, as she arched her neck to the opposite side, giving him more access.

"And our daughter?" Andy asked raking her nails down his chest.

"I think my sister has a handle on that as well," Sam replied, as he ran his hands down her rear before hoisting her up. Andy immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, as she slanted her mouth across his. Her fingers scraped through his hair, as her back made contact with the tile wall of the shower.

"Sam," Andy said just as he was about to line them up.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" He asked looking up at her.

"I love you," she moaned as he slid in.

"I love you too, baby," he groaned, as they picked up a rhythm.

* * *

><p>"Sammy! You guys up?" Sarah banged on the bedroom door a few minutes later holding Emma in her arms.<p>

"You've gotta be kidding me," Sam sighed.

"Just in the nick of time, huh?" Andy giggled sliding down his strong body. They wrapped themselves in a couple of towels before padding into the bedroom, and opening the door.

"Mama!" Emma squealed happily at the sight of her mother. Sarah handed over the little girl to Andy, as Sam stared her down.

"What?" Sarah asked shrugging her shoulders.

"Your timing is awesome!" he exclaimed, as Sarah stuck her tongue out at him.

"Yeah, yeah, little brother," she sang, as she walked down the hallway. Sam closed the bedroom door, and was taken aback by the sight of Andy and Emma standing by the window. Andy; clad in a white, fluffy towel, her wet hair cascading down her back. Emma; dressed in a yellow dress, and her brown, curly hair up in a barrette – despite the fact that she didn't have that much hair anymore, since Andy had just trimmed it a few days earlier. The sun came in through the picture window framing them together like a photograph.

"What?" Andy asked noticing his faraway look.

"Just admiring the view," he grinned. Sam walked towards them, wrapping his around them, as they enjoyed the view of the park across from their house. Kids were playing on the playground, chasing each other around on the grass. Andy looked up at Sam, and he met her gaze. He pressed a kiss against Emma's forehead first and then Andy's. Never in his life had anything felt this complete, and he had a feeling that it was just the beginning.

**FIN!**


End file.
